Trying to understand what goes on in their minds is, however, nearly impossible. "Why is this thing?", I hear you cry. I will tell you why. If you look at the list of topics that gets them excited (in a non-sexy way), you will see that they include music, not working, possible stardom, recipes for pancakes, gigantic cocks, Take That and my neighbour's poo, which makes - if you think about it objectively - almost no sense at all. (I am not giving up, though - no doubt a pattern will appear in a dream later this evening.)
How do I know this? I will tell you how. I went back over nearly 1,500 piss-poor posts to see which ones had had the most comments, prompted in part by a post on Tired Dad's web-blog that received 55 comments, which I thought was VERY high, even for him.
Anyway, here they are. It is the Top 19. I have not edited the ones in which I was still doing this very Annoying Random Capitalisation to emphasise Points I Wanted To Make, despite the fact that it makes my teeth hurt in the way that eating cold pineapple whilst listening to the music of Sting, King of the Cockmonkeys, makes my teeth hurt.
Here goes. Number of comments is at the beginning of each thing; the first two particularly are worth reading for the comments, most of which are stuffed to the gills with interesting stuff.
72. All about the songs of my childhood, in which everyone else remembers theirs, too.
68. Theory of how to do a compilation CD.
40. Yes, it's the definition of non-workingness. It needs a light revision, but ... well, you'll get the gist.
39. I had completely forgotten about this, but am still very glad I didn't do it: someone writes to me asking if I want to be in a documentary.
38. I still think this could be a whole book of the kind you would buy at the till at Christmas for $1.99: the philosophy of song (i.e., what you can learn about stuff from listening to song lyrics).
37. I discover that many of my readers are in from academic institutions.
36. I make American pancakes and post the recipe - then everyone else does theirs too. I love this - it is brilliant because everyone is very generous. Pancake lover heaven. Yes.
36. I discover I am losing readers and ask for help (which as usual I probably ignore).
35. Perennial classic, in which my eyes pop out on stalks at the sight of a gigantic cock.
34. I buy Take That’s new single.
34. The drains block and I am forced to touch my idiotic upstairs neighbour's poo
30. I come across an aquatic chicken
29. I count up my Facebook friends. Obviously I've got more now. Loads more. Millions, in fact.
28. I give serious thought to starting up a sex blog . I seem to remember being quite cross when I wrote this.
28. In which I write a letter to an imaginary publisher, pitching my brilliant book idea
27. Some of the things I do that I am ashamed of (but not all of them)
27. Favourable consideration of being non-working again.
Did you ever do a post that got squillions of comments? You do not have to write a 1000 word essay on why you think it was (unless it's a really, really good story), but do a bit of linkeage if you can be arsed. I'd like to see we can extrapolate any fake data on the kind of things that people like to comment about, from which I will make some PowerPoint slides. (The only proper use from PowerPoint, if you ask me.)
Finally, to all of you that read and comment: I am not a bloody wetsy but - thank you all your various generosities of useful information, jokes and encouragements. You all seem to be really rather nice.
That's quite enough of that.
Pip pip!
NWM
Finally, to all of you that read and comment: I am not a bloody wetsy but - thank you all your various generosities of useful information, jokes and encouragements. You all seem to be really rather nice.
That's quite enough of that.
Pip pip!
NWM
7 comments:
I'm just a beginner at blogging. I get insanely happy if I get over 2 comments.
A psychiatrist would have a field day with me probably.
Ali x
My blog posts that get the most comments (and requests for more of the same) are, oddly, the very thing they tell you not to do if you read any advice on what to write about in a blog, i.e. play-by-play of a cross-province road trip with a wonky exhaust system (on the car!) and long, rambling rants that are mostly nonsense.
I do not understand my readers, but I love them just the same.
I do not, in a general way, get tons of comments. I think it's because I have perhaps 6 readers, one of which is my brother, when he can be 'arsed', a phrase I shall steal and use vigorously, and they probably just read, shake their heads and move on.
two years ago I did a rant about the crapness of Sainsbury's cafe. I still get lots of angry blog posts about that, clearly from people who work in Sainsbury's cafe. I take great pleasure in not posting any of them just to annoy them. Every now and again I write another post about Sainsbury's cafe and how wank it still is, just to keep them on the boil. It is one of my secret hobbies.
My most positively commented on was probably one about Jeremy Beadle's tiny deformed hand and how I wanted to take over the world via the power of Take a Break magazine. It all made sense at the time.
p.s.
Dear NWM, do you ever get that thing where you write a post you consider to be particularly genius and you are sure people will split their sides with mirth, and then feel cheated if they don't. Or is that just me?
P.p.s
That is not to infer that all your posts are not works of genius that plume beatifically out of your tiny fez, because obviously they are, but still, you know, you might think some are more shiny than others, etc.
Katyboo. Yes. The WHOLE TIME. I don't feel cheated though, more like ... confused. And you are being very kind, but I know full well that most of it is chaff and nonsense. The thing I find more confusing is when stuff i think is quite dull gets a super reaction. I have given up trying to understand, but i do understand why you would have got A LOT of chat about the tiny hand of the Beadle. I used to threaten people with it, e.g. "if you do that Beadle will stroke your left hooter with his tiny withered hand", etc.
Tracy, Alison, I am not sure that number of comments is connected to number of readers. For e.g. I know for a fact that I have fewer than 8 visitors a day, yet one link somewhere will push it up for 2 days. And anyway most of the comments are from me, under a pseudonym.
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