I am 37. That means I was Too Old to engage in the Take That first time round. And as I was neither brought up nor educated in a provincial market town, I had things to do with my time other than read Smash Hits, do my hair and think about Jason touching me with his popstar hands. Robbie Williams is mad, so I never had much interest in him either (which is odd, as a lot of Gentleman Callers in the past have been one sandwich short of a picnic, so it's obviously not something I generally avoid, insanity). But most of all, I didn't like their songs and that, especially not the one with bloody Lulu in.
Don't know what happened, really. About six months ago I got drunk by myself and got at the iTunes. (What is the name for this? You know, the iTunes equivalent of Drunken Dialling. I wonder if I could put an alcohol sensor into my computer so I neither blog, write emails nor open iTunes when I'm drunk. The consequences are invariably disastrous). Acquired Take That's Greatest Hits. Never listened to it, though.
But look! It's Gary Barlow on the telly. He is interesting and funny. And also clever! Aaah, look, it's the others. Aren't they sweet, especially Little Mark (but he shouldn't sing by himself; his 'w' thing sounds weird). And oh my sweet Jesus, it's Take That's new single. It is genius! I shouldn't love it. I should hate it. I should resist it. I should not leap on the "aren't Take That great?!" Iron-O-Bandwaggon. I am old, and cynical, and love Thom Yorke for his mind.
But Patience? Gary is still hurting from a love he lost! I will love you Gary. I will have patience, and I will "not be too hard on your emotions". I know you need time, Gary. I know "the scar runs so deep and it's been hard". You say your "heart is numb and has no feeling", but I will be your salvation, Gary. I want to be "the one on whom you can always depend".
Sigh.
And here, in an astonishing moment I could never have predicted, I will do two things. The first one is to put a "pop video" on my weblog off the YouTube, and the second one will be to tell you that it is of Take That's new single, Patience. (The third thing I will do is lose whatever scant credibility I had left. But I tell you this: I bet there's someone at NME who really fucking loves Patience and listens to it in their bedroom underneath posters of a band I have never heard of and would not understand. And no-one can deny that this is a "great pop song", which is what you say when you secretly like something that's supposed to be uncool.)
Do you love it too? Do you? You DO, don't you! I can see it. Don't pretend you don't. You. Love. It.
P.S. The video's a bit pony. Close your eyes and think of Gary when you play it. Go on. You will Love It.
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32 comments:
You think you were too old the first time 'round? I've got 7 years on you luv, I barely recognized the band's name.
Alas, yes, I do. love. it.
Shame on you. Bad monkey.
There is no sound on my office computer today, and I can't be arsed to figure out why - but I did look at the images. I first thought the whole point of the video was them hopelessly searching the seashore for an outlet wherein to plug their microphones, but apparently not.
I counted 4 boys, but only 3 geysers. Which one is unable to, hmm... geyse, do you think ?
It's a real tune and you can make out what they're singing. So my Mum would have been pleased, but I grew up on Patty Smith so I don't know what say..
Except how do you put a video thingy on your blog?
Dear Camera, I know I am a bad monkey but if I'm going to suffer then everyone else has to too. It is Decided, and also ultimately benign.
J-boy, NONE of them! they are all paragons of masculinity! Really! Even Jason! You are a dirty monkey!
Apprentice - you see you're not sad like me. How to put a vid-e-oh on your blog:
Go to Youtube.com.
Search the thing you want.
On the right will be a little thing that says 'embed'. click on that, copy the code into your blog and voila. It really is that simple. (You may have to sign up, can't remember, but it's not exactly rubbish, YouTube, so you may as well anyway).
Bonne chance!
The one in the brown scarf is hot. Who are these guys?
I like Payshance. Their version of the Kaiser Chief's 'Everyday I Love You Less & Less' is bobbins though.
Oh yeah, and who is Robbie Williams? Keeping in mind I'm in America, and have no clue who he is. Wait, didn't he sleep with Courtney Love once? Not that that will help me pick him out of the crowd, really.
Tracy Lynn, there are some aspects of British culture that you are Best Protected From. That's all I'm saying.
It was on Vernon's show on Sunday, but I think they did it live on Jo Whiley first. It was awful.
l love it. But then, I still think Back for Good is a classic.
What if you are knocked on the head and get amnesia? The only clues you will have about who you are will be the songs on your iPod. Pick your tunes carefully.
Hmm. I do not know what you are talking about, "embarrassed". It is splendid. Perhaps not splendid enough to reach down into my aching heart that is so full of love BUT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS and make me pester my parents to buy a Take That duvet cover and pillowcase set that I can sob meaningfully into when there's nothing good on the telly; but then, I am 41, and do not take on so.
I regret to inform you that this is not proper pop. It appeals only to ladies of a certain age™. Veritably a Daniel O'Donnell de nos jours.
I'm sorry but there it is. Still. It could be worse. There are some people of a certain age™ who WILL insist they like the Arctic Bloody Monkeys. Arctic Roll yes, Arctic Monkeys no.
Dear Mikey,
What age is that?
Thank you for your consideration.
Yours ever,
NWM
certain.
Dave - I salute you.
Mist - it's OK. The other 7,893 are fine.
Mikey - you are too old to talk about 'a certain age'. Also, I was not aware that you are a Cultural Commentator! Are you friends with Parsons?
Porny - I want to stroke you.
It is a not unpleasant tune, granted. One that my mate would know was in C chord and thus quite emotive (although I don't actually know what chord this is in ~ Hang yourself by your dressing gown cord, maybe.)
But I would add that beyond appealing to ladies of a certain age™, it also appeals to persons in a particular rut™, viz: First home owning, first child carrying, middle management slipper-wearing young duffers from Cheam.
Perhaps.
Hey, did The Barloid just sing "My husband's Nun has no feeling"? And do the others sing at all? Or do they just walk?
No wonder Reinhart Walliams left.
I would like a phone that switches to invisible mode when I'm drunk. Either that or it turns into a stone and will not function as a phone until I am sober.
I think it's a shame they managed to make it across the rocks to the studio with those mike stands.
I thought you were off the mind-altering substances, but apparently I was wrong. Or was it just that weekend in the country that did it?
It's an ok pop song - just.
You should explain cockney rhyming slang to our transatlantic friends, and maybe our northern friends too?
P.S. I may be a little deranged myself. monkeydada made me go and see a Genesis tribute band in the Half Moon - our mate Maurice wants to sign them up for the Festival Hippie in Matha this Summer - and I quite enjoyed it. Oh Lord
The ONLY good song that Take That ever did was the one with Lulu and it would have been *MUCH* better if they hadn't been on it. Lulu is a fine blues shouter (I speak as one who remembers her first TV appearance on a wee TV programme called Stramash - only available in civilised North Britain where we do understand rhyming slang but choose to ignore it)
I give as evidence her performance in that documentary about British blues.
The current single is as MM says, an OK pop song. Just.
Rovin Billboard is entirely beyond the pale of sensible consideration and should be banned.
Now, I'm an American and I vaguely remember Take That for some reason. Um, were they originally hot in 1993? That's when I was in the U.K.... Or mebbe it's just possible they made it across the Pond in some form.
Oh, I don't know any of the boys, but I'll take the one on the end in the herringbone-looking patterned scarf. Looks a bit like a young, thin, brunette Heath Ledger.
MonkeyMum -- ack, why do they have those "tribute" bands? We're innundated over here with "Australian Pink Floyd" and "The Beatles Experience" and such nonsense. I'm just thankful none of them can afford to advertise on the telly -- listening to the advertisements on the radio for a month at a time is enough to make one slip a Take That! CD in the player.
As a north britainnier, I am having trouble making sense of this argument:
"Genesis rule, Take That drool."
Am I right in thinking that this has evolved into a BATTLE OF THE BANDS? Cool! Can we do East 17 versus Steeleye Span after this?
I don't get it - if you like this, why you not like James Blunt?
Andie. I like one song by Take That because I think it is good, and I am pleased that Take That are having a renaissance as they seem like nice enough chaps, and Gary Barlow was always a nice enough bloke. They also apparently have no pretentions and are not Up Themselves, unlike the Twat Williams, who is insane. I shoud also point out that I am not a fan of the entire Take That oeuvre, but enjoy this song in the way that I (to my alarm) enjoyed a recent 'track' by popular singer, ex-model and member of Blue, Simon Webbe.
James Blunt (real name Blount) is a posh boy with enormous teeth and the most gratingly irritating voice I have heard since Jon out of Vangelis, except JB is not a novelty act. He whines, looks like a divver, and used to be a Captain in the army (and went to Sandhurst). All these things would however be forgiveable if it were not for the fact that his music is just fucking awful.
Steeleye Span would win, of course, although I think you've built something of a false opposition there, Porny Boy.
As for you, Fwengebola, I should like to point out that I fit into none of the ruts you so kindly suggest, as I am a squirrel murdering, single, absinthe drinking, pipe smoking monkey from the Brixton.
I am also reminded (yet again) of the halfwit who was on my Jane Austen course (I wrote a 12,000 word essay on "The significance of carriages in the novels of Jane Austen and Maria Edgeworth", which has proven to be exceedingly useful over the last 15 years) and said, in the final seminar: "what IS irony, exactly?"
Right then. Five vs. Yes. Who wins?
Fat lot you know.
East 17 vs. Steeleye Span
Now that that's settled, how about Heaven 17 v. Steely Dan ?
Monkeymaman: Would that be Musical Box ?
jonnyboy, on behalf of MM, they're called 'In The Cage' (www.inthecage.co.uk) They really were quite good, but let's be clear we only went to help Maurice and his Festival Hippie, really.
Songs on your i-pod. Mmm look no further for a clue, this woman's collection is 'Songs to Hang Yourself By'. We have both Buckleys, Tom Waits, Cohen, Baez singing about Dylan, Feist,
Peyroux, Krall,Snow Patrol, Paolo Nutini, but she didn't claim to like the Arctic Monkeys, Sigur Ros, Rufus W, Cat Stevens as was, Creedence Clearwater,Emmylou, Indigo Girls, Damien Rice, but she didn't like the new album, one track is 21 minutes long, and life was too short for that,Annie Lennox, Eddi Reader and loads more miserable stuff - there sort of a Scottish bias here too, so it was a kilted suicide.
She was alo known to listen to the World Service and her i-pod at the same time. A very sad case...
Yours Silent Witness' Amanda Burton,as I look off meaningfully into the middle distance
All four members of Take That on the edge of a cliff?
Is this not the very definition of a "missed opportunity"?
I offer this news item unedited, and without comment:
Take That singer Jason Orange was left in tears after recording the solo vocals for a new album track, according to The Sun. The group were reportedly in Los Angeles finishing their new record Beautiful World when the singer broke down. After recording the lead solo vocals for 'Wooden Boat' Orange apparently began crying because he was so proud of his efforts. He has come under much scrutiny as a singer in the past, and was accused by journalists of only being in Take That because of his skills as a dancer.
Take That have offered their record label their money back if the album is poorly received - a first for the music industry
Great. I think that song's going to be stuck in my head all day.
Take That never made it in North America. I will always be grateful. We already had enough smarmy boy bands.
I tried listening to the song again, but couldn't. Once, while reading anna's description, was enough.
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