I do not care anymore!!! I am going to "come out" about some things I wish I did not do. You will see that none of them will fit with your mental image of me, which, I am sure, involves a rather elegant, well-dressed, intellectually rigorous, well-educated simian with exquisite taste and a surprising line in small clay pipes.
But no. The truth is that amongst the things I enjoy, I include:
1. Watching "Gossip Girl" on my computer whilst eating biscuits, some evenings up to 5 of each
2. Looking at the Daily Mail website at least 10 times a day
3. Eating Chinese dumplings (meat unknown), cooked in the delicious juice of a Knorr chicken stock cube
4. Reading Harry Potter books and watching Harry Potter films and fucking loving them
5. Farmville
6. Flossing teeth and leaving used floss (with chunks) on floor/table
7. Pulling hairs out of chin with tweezers whilst watching "Fantasy Island" DVDs ($13.99, Ebay)
8. Buying 3 week old copies of "OK!" magazine for $10 at least twice a month
9. Something I cannot put on a blog my family read
10. Something I cannot put on a blog anyone I work with reads
11. Looking the fat cat in the face and saying "You LOVE me! You LOVE me! SAY IT. SAY IT."
12. Dangling fez tassel in my soup/absinthe then sucking it whilst watching "Canada's Next Top Model"
13. Dangling fez tassel in wine then sucking it whilst watching "America's Next Top Model"
14. Tapping small clay pipe firmly against tiny little monkey palms before filling it to settle down to Series 2 of "Australia's Next Top Model"
15. Wotsits. Hula Hoops, obviously, are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, talking of Hula Hoops, does anyone know of a delicious Canadian equivalent?
Of these, the greatest shame is Farmville, a game in which you have a pretend farm, give each other rabbits, find that your plum trees are "16% ready" and spend hours and hours harvesting yellow melons that have been fertilized by your friends. These are dark days, my friends. Dark days indeed.
Now I would like to hear one of yours (only one, mind, otherwise we'll be here all year); extra points if it smells slightly of cheese and desperation, like whatever it is that is underneath my big toenail.
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28 comments:
It is 6 am and I cannot sleep because I got slightly worse marks for my Diet Therapy coursework than I had hoped. Pitiful.
rampant alcoholism and reading your blog...OK that's two. Problems with numeracy...that's four.
Oh, and an addicton to the Nutracheck website. I promise to stop now.
I do have a horrible addiction to Holby City... the shame...
My shame is extolling the virtues of good and wholesome fresh food, home cooked, but loving crap sweets, including crunchie bars, pink shrimps and white chocolate buttons - yep, all together if I can manage it! As well as trassy tv such as Celebrity, X factor and Strictly. Yes, I too am ashamed :(
Not caring enough to shoo the dog away when it drinks with its filthy dog mouth from the water glass by my bed. Then drinking from the self-same water glass. I revolt myself. There are loads more I am too ashamed to even type.
Brothers and Sisters - I have actually put in my diary when Series 4 starts on More4.
PS - totally with you on the Daily Mail site thing, but it doesn't count, because it's already yours. I checked it at ten thirty last night.
Instead of doing the tax returns, I read Modesty Blaise comics while cleaning my ears with a paperclip.
Ooh you've just reminded me of one: cleaning my ears out with a hairgrip (the rounded end). Same idea as a paperclip, but you get better purchase.
Ahh, Farmville is my shameful habit as well! I am level 39 because I have too much time on my hands! Glad it's not just me...
Yay #4!
Downloading and then reading really, really crap free books on Kindle. Really crap. Current one is something like 'Betty Barnley Goes to Boarding School.' So far Betty has been described as winsome and piquant and I'm rather hoping the snotty beastly one (Norma I think) is going to go a bit further than an apple pie bed.
actually series linking Karl and Yvette Fielding's Reality show on Sky Plus and watching them one after the other, cackling with glee. I was gutted when it finished.
And reading shit z list celebrity biographies in the bath.
I read Deidre's Photo Casebook every day.
You had me until Farmville. For shame.
Most of my unwholesome habits have to do with wallowing: in bad television as viewed on the computer, in poor decisions having to do with relationships and real estate, in filth (my own and my chihuahuas) more times than not.
Tra la.
I love IdealWorld (downmarket UK TV shopping channel) more than words can express. I like the cosmetics and the clothes ‘hours’ bestest of all.
I love the LOL cats. Now excuse me while I hide my face in shame.
You are all doing extremely well. Please carry on. I have decided to award a prize to the best one. I have readers (Purest Green) who will attest to the fact that I deliver on my prize-promises. Apart from to Dave Shelton, to whom I have just shipped 3 books after a month of waiting and that will take 6 weeks to get to blighty. Sorry Dave.
Megan!!! "So far Betty has been described as winsome and piquant and I'm rather hoping the snotty beastly one (Norma I think) is going to go a bit further than an apple pie bed."
Farmville,Yay!
Watching 1. Ru-Pauls Drag Race, 2.Dexter,3.Beautiful People
spending 20 hours a day playing online 10 of which is reading blobs, no doubt.
In the 1960's I produced a set of 'recipe' cards that were part of a hilarious private joke with Graeme Kerr. I even allowed them to be translated into French, thinking that nobody could possibly take them seriously, what with their use of food colouring and inappropriate combinations of hideous foods. I'm so ashamed. Please forgive me.
NO Punxxi!!! Your time is better spent reading blobs.
Bejeweled. For hours.
And, Wotsits now come in baked form i.e. fewer calories, oh yes.
Blobs. I adore blobs. Which is what I am becoming from too many hours at the computer.
And being late for work. I am too frickin' OLD to be doing that.
Sigh. Need to add:
Inventing literary analysis essays on really bad free books on Kindle. Viz:
'The scene authoritatively establishes the central theme with its unflinching imagery. Betty is clad in her new waist, a deliberately anachronistic term, made from old silk found in the attic of her adopted maternal role model, thus metaphorically girding her with the values of her ancestors. Notably Ben (whose horse and hat-cum-helmet provide a strong chivalric theme in immediate contrast with the clear sexuality introduced with his whip, boots and "rope-like muscles") glances admiringly at her in sentences that emphasize virginity and purity. The reader is hardly prepared then for the author immediately moving to Paradise Lost, vividly conjuring the orgasmic eruption of the oil well which drenches Betty in slick black drops, ruining her virtue and her blouse. The matriarch drives the point home by sadly informing her that once stained the garment will never be pure again. Betty, as she moves from childhood through the portal of adulthood as represented by the boarding school... '[note to self, later discuss how sleeping at the school is deeply sexual. Try to work in term 'pudenda' somewhere for extra points]
On-line jigsaws, from jigzone.com - I'll put the rice on to cook and think, oh, what shall I do until the rice is ready, oh yes, an on-line jigsaw - sometimes I have to ration myself to one a day.
That and looking at the Daily Mail site - I tell myself that this is a necessary counter-weight to all the intellectual stuff I look at for the rest of the day. Not counting on-line jigsaws.
Pot Noodles, and tinned Ravioli, and Fray Bentos Steak and Ale Pie - I'm so sorry, please don't tell anyone....
my word. You are all geniuses. BG, you are not alone. M&S Melton Mowbray pork pies and cold baked beans, anyone?
I am completely addicted to Eastenders AND Emmerdale AND Coronation Street and have to spend between half an hour (very disappointing) and two hours (brilliant!) every weeknight watching them.
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