Regular readers will know that although my career as cinematographer, scriptwriter, director, editor and producer launched only a few short weeks ago, my body of work already puts me "up there" with some of the greats. As time passes, I am beginning to see myself as a sort of cross between Gerald Thomas, Steven Spielberg, Michaelangelo Antonioni and Ingmar Bergman, producing the kind of work that manages to entertain, amuse, enthral and disgust at one and the same time.
In this, my latest masterpiece, I turn the cracked fluorescent light of scrutiny upon the silliness that is corporate chit-chat. So great is the amount of nonsense talked in offices nowadays that the original film was over three days long, and although most of my energy went into sifting through hours of masterful footage to produce the three-minute delight you are about to view below, I would not be surprised if a sequel might not be in the offing.
Yet again, I remain confident when I say: I know you will like it a lot.
(Should you wish to compare this to my earlier work, you may see them all here.)
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14 comments:
Best one yet!!!!!Don't think you missed out a single bit of jargon! Well done NWM ;-D
Ali x
Word verification - babli - how very appropriate!
it is scarily accurate. And a 6 movie series puts you up with george lucas
Oooooh. That was eerie.
I'm inspired though - I don't want to do much actual 'team interfacing' this week so I think I'll make a transcript of the boss's lines and use them as replies to any work related social interaction. Either I'll be lynched by Wednesday or I'll be promoted. I'll let you know.
Oh goody.
Yes. Is my favourite bit. Fabulous.
He never managed to call you "a shining star." I like how you slipped in the ultra-sarcastic "oh goody" and he didn't even notice that you would rather shift your entire socio-economic worldview into a more creative and relativistic existence known as non-workingness.
But Icy Mt it is not a real person!!! The only ones that are actual real conversations were the 100% wrong one and the virtually unemployable one - the rest are based on the various ...'ow you say ... attributes of that are often a feature of a bad boss. You get me?
Megan - the sad truth is you'll probably be promoted. I did actually sit in a meeting where someone suggested they 'reach out' to their colleague once and no-one retched apart from me. That tells me that I am wrong, and they are all right.
Summer of B - thank you for your kind words in these difficult times. Do you think I am better than George Lucas though? I do. Plus my beard is bigger than his.
But Boss didn't ask to push the envelope, why not?
oh, I love this so much.. you made my day!
Hello Ann and welcome. I am glad to have made you so happy!
My boss’s boss enjoys saying things like ‘we’re transitioning from a hub and spoke model towards the hub and rim ideal’. And also ‘as you’ll be needed the duration of this project we’ve acquired the funding to backfill you’. Both of which made me laugh so much I had to fake a coughing fit.
That is literally brilliant. Can I take them for the Part 2? MonkeyFather points out that we missed a pushing of the envelope, for e.g.
Oooh:
"we need to realise the synergies from our enhanced relationship." I just edited this out of an annual report
"blue sky thinking" - very popular in these parts currently.
More as they come to hand...
Oh yes, please do! The idea of hearing the crapulent nonsense my boss’s boss spouts at every meeting being spoken by an animated bear thing make me inexpressively happy. Next time I see her I’ll be able to imagine her with a stupid giant cartoon face. Not that I don’t already.
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