I have long been aware of the above-average intelligence of my readers, let alone their exquisite taste and vast reservoirs of really quite extraordinary knowledge. I am convinced that they are Strange and Magical creatures; were they all to meet in a public house they would no doubt rub along very well, buy pints of real ale for each other and perhaps - prevailing winds being favourable - do some dancing and perhaps kissing. (An idle dream and long must it remain so, for my readers live all over the World and I - as everyone is by now well aware - live in a canal in Amsterdam.)
When I got back earlier this afternoon I put my laptop on my knee, made a cup of ginger tea, turned on Dr Phil (I like him more than Judge Judy), and had a look who had been looking at my web-log using the "Site Meter" as my guide. (I rarely do this as I do not often understand what it says, other than "Total Visits This Week: 3".)
And my dears! I have to tell you that I noticed something astonishing: I have many, many visitors from Universities! I have long believed that I should be the subject of a PhD (or at the very least an MA - I am an Art, not a Science).* And now it seems my dream is coming true! I have so many visitors from Universities that someone, somewhere MUST be making a study of me!
I shall list the Universities in question here (in no particular order) and stand back as you marvel at the fact that they are all, without exception, August Academic Institutions. None of that "My degree is in Deep Fat Frying (With Manicure Studies) from the University of Penzance (formerly Totnes Sixth Form College)" for MY readers. Oh good God, no. They go (or went) to proper Universities and do (or did) things like "English" or "Maths" or "Modern Languages" or "Veterinary Science" or indeed "Chemistry". This much I know to be true, and will not be told otherwise. I know FOR A FACT that one of my readers has five degrees, for example!
From Great Britain:
LSE
Leeds
Sheffield
York** (strong showing from Yorkshire there; keep it up, Yorkshire!)
Cranfield
Edinburgh
Oxford
Cambridge
Newcastle
Birmingham
UCL
The Open University (lots of them - what are you DOING, people?)
From the Abroad:
Harvard
McGill
If you are visiting from a university server but are not listed here, please - make yourself known! The clever are ALWAYS welcome at this web-log! (And yes, I will be a Visiting Lecturer for a small fee plus expenses, inc. a go in the refectory.)
* Think of it! "And what do YOU do?", people will ask at parties. "I am a Doctor!", will come the reply. "A Doctor of Medicine?", they will enquire. "No", will come the humble response, half-whispered from behind a delicate hand: "I am a Doctor of Non-Workingmonkey Studies".
** In 1991, A.S. Byatt (in a Tam O'Shanter), gave me a degree in English in Central Hall at York. I therefore remain very fond of York University, despite the geese and the cheese scones in Vanbrugh, which explain my arse.
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36 comments:
JESUS CHRIST. You're supposed to be my NBF! Don't YOU start leaving comments which EXPOSE the fact that I am VIRTUALLY ILLITERATE. (Nothing to do with York, by the way, which had a jolly good English course. It's probably even better now; I'm not there to lower the tone and examination results.)
I can reveal that I am the one from Newcastle (where I am learning to speak languaged 3, 4, 5 and 6 fluently). Oh, and doing a bit of french literature on the side. Just to boost the average IQ of your readers (which was already startling at 13,587. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Carol Vorderman.)
and i read your blog from leeds uni, just the two degrees for me.
NWM,
Pschaw! I have a proper M and with an "Eng" afterwards. None of this poncy "arts" sh*te for me.
Only the other day, I was explaining the concept of nuclear binding energy to my - mildly bewildered - parents. The topic only came up because my eldest - aged 7 - wanted to know about it.
So yes, you may bask in the reflected glory of the educational attainment of your readership.
:-)
Are you showing off? Or - worse than that - are you showing your CHILDREN off? Urgh! Honestly, you really should know better! It's not at ALL the thing, dear boy.
And anyway, you can't be that clever. You use these:
:-)
Just saying!
:-P
Stop it, just stop
it now. Please. Too much snorting of wine forwards and also backwards out of the nose is happening.
How's the fullness, or otherwise, of the stationery cupboard?
I have a certificate for mastery of French cheeses (after filling out a two page exam). Does that count?
You live near a canal, not in a canal---unless you have become an amphibian or live aboard a Dutch barge.
We were at York university at roughly the same time. Hooray for Yorkshire! Vanbrugh did the best scones, but the geese were smelly and very aggressive, I seem to recall. I would often miss tutorials cos I couldn't getpast the bloody geese at Wentworth, or at least that's what I told my tutor. I am going to a conference there in April. I fear that I may regress to an earlier, drunken, gobby version of myself and end up snogging some Henry in Vanbrugh bar. I can't wait.
Liam, Gillian: Hoorah! Liam - is one of them Dutch?
HHH - not good, to be frank. I'm having a go, but there's too many rubbish biros I don't want and not enough fancy fibretips.
Anonymous 1 - Hell, yeah. More if it was wine though, to be fair. On the other hand, cheese + wine = equiv. of BA in History from, say, Bristol or Nottingham.
Anonymous 2 - If I say I live "in" a canal, I live "in" a canal. I don't live aboard a Dutch barge the whole time; sometimes I live in a glass box in the Keizersgracht, just outside the Keizer Sauna. It is connected to the Amsterdam air with a great tube; sometimes people drop sweets down it, or almondy biscuits. It is Quite Brilliant!
Ms M - Go York! Go York! (Derwent, 1988 - 1991. English.) Wentworth was like the Moon, wasn't it? And they were bastards, those geese. I am Agog about you going back - do tell, won't you? I went back about 8 years ago (by mistake) and it was exactly the same. Do you get Grapevine? How I roll around laughing!
(Vanbrugh, 1986-89) isn't this fun?! I had totally forgotten about Grapevine - but all those marriages of Tamaras and Tarquins just made me want to throw, so maybe I have just repressed the memory. My funniest experience was watching a fellow student cycling hurriedly over the bridge to Langwith, whilst we all sat in the seminar room watching her approach. (Remember those huge windows?) She lifted a hand to wave, and cycled serenely off the bridge and landed in the smelly duck-poo lake. We all laughed til we cried: I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to her, wherever she is. I am sure she was scarred for life, and never cycled again. Aah, the good old days. You were there when Andy Wood was president, then? (1989) What a sweet and lovely bloke he was.
I am there for a psychotherapy conference, so at least if I regress to a former self there will be plenty of opportunity to work through it. Will keep you posted!
Oh good we have enough to run our own wee version University Challenge. I vote Tired Dad to interrogate them all in his best grumpy Dad voice.
Bonus starter for 10:
How many times has NWM got chewing gum in her lady garden?
Subsequent questions will all be on the Castoridae family, and no they are not an Italian oragnised crime family..........
Tee hee. I spent a lot of my childhood drinking the lovely smell of the rubber floors at Vanbrugh. My dad was a maths lecturer there. Still is. Except he's a professor now.
I fell in that damned lake TWICE! And one time I cycled into it. It wasn't me on the bridge though; I was trying to ride my bike across the stepping stones.
There was also a memorable occasion when I got chased by a goose in a mini-skirt outside Wentworth. Me in the skirt I mean, not the goose. It kept pecking my bum, and my skirt was so tight I couldn't run proper.
Unfortunately not. The only dutch I know is what I emailed you (and without the list in front of me, I couldn't repeat any of it). Alas. Oh, and Ik means I - or at least I think it does.
Nuclear binding energy? That's proper science, that is. Up there with QCD, QED, CDM, PDQ & NBG.
I must be the one pulling down the average IQ, I only have a certificate in the skiing (beginner). *sniff*
I have an honorary certificate in sandwich-making (grilled-cheese division)
Unlisted, unloved, unmarked... very sad. Of course there are those who feel that the University of New Mexico simply doesn't count as a proper university at all. On the other hand, I'm neither a student nor a professor so maybe your superior site meter figgered that out and rejected me!
I am of the Open University kind - not got a degree yet, just pissing around, really.
I'm the LSE one. Hello!
I would say reading NWM is about procrastination, but that would remind me of what I'm putting off... oh. ah.
Kat
ok - I didn't go to York but I have a Very Respectable degree from a Respectable university. And will any academics who happen to be looking in please note that I have taken up NWM's thing of capitalising certain words. She has Influenced my Style. You will be wanting to make a note of this as you will no doubt be studying the kind of commentators this blog attracts. And you needn't think I'm just being a copycat. Because I'm Not.
I'm not one of the readers you mentnioned, but I thought I'd de-lurk for a moment. I read your site through Bloglines.
USC in L.A. Go Trojans!
I prefer Durexes, myself.
I (pretend to) work at The University of Papua New Guinea. Is that the most random one so far?
Well, I'm a student at Cornell University... does that count?
University of Melbourne, Australia
well, although I graduated from a not terribly famous and marvellous university, I was always rather impressed by the psuedo-classical sculpture on the building that by virtue of representing old, beardy men with swords and through the marvel that is verdigris gave the appearance that I was attending Jedi College.
*swish zwoom*
I read your blog every day and have a right oul giggle, and to add to your list - I am studying in UCD (Dublin) and am soon to be very important! (Well I'd better be after 6 bloody years of University)
I don't know why Liam thinks that he is the one from Newcastle - that is clearly me, even if my nick initials spell UCL
Brilliant! Look at you! You're practically famous (in academic circles, at least, which isn't properly famous but better in its own way).
To be honest I didn't quite understand this stats jargon. Hardly anyone reads my blog, hence there is nothing for me to inspect and boast of. However, it's probably a good job since I'm of "unfortunate unintelligence" according to a new commenter.
Morgan - hardly! Awful commenter.
I am beside myself with glee about all these comments: Trojan/Durex; University of Papua New Guinea .. I don't know where to start. I feel another post coming on, possibly with drawings.
And lurkers - never feel you have to expose yourselves, but it is so lovely when you do.
By the way, you have to be reading this from a university server, whether you are student, teacher, Upper Case L (who is odd), canteen operative, Vice-Chancellor or Visiting Professor of Monkey Jizz. Having been to university is Not the Point, my chums!
Plenty of Yorkie goodness coming up in my Girls' Fun posts..
First Class Honours Bsc. Keep it up monkey.
Coming from University of Michigan....
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