I am fed up with being left out in the cold!! Everyone else has a 'sex blog' so I cannot see why I shouldn't too; it seems quite unfair, really, that all these other 'bloggers' are out there having sexyfun on the internets while I am just writing about giant fruit and being a life-coach (albeit a very good one).
I have been thinking about my possible new blog really hard. (Not like that!!!!) From what I can gather, convention dictates that it should:
I am quite excited about it (not like that!!!).
What do you think? Would YOU like to read the L'Histore Sexuelle Du Singe Non-Travaillant, or The Joy of Monkey? Let me know! I think it could be great!!
I have been thinking about my possible new blog really hard. (Not like that!!!!) From what I can gather, convention dictates that it should:
- Have a saucy French name, e.g. Le Super-Sexy Singe Non-Travaillant, or (my personal preference!), Il y a du monde au balcon;
- Feature a close up photograph of my enbonpoint (see Il y a du monde au balcon, above), which will be difficult because I am a monkey and I do not think that that many monkeys have breasts that you would want to see in a push-up brassiere;
- Talk about 'shafts', 'plunging', 'erection' and 'gushing' (although this also sounds a bit like sub-surface grouting and/or sub-marine tunnelling, possibly using the NATM);
- Include me talking about my own moral code (or lack thereof);
- Profess to be feminist in some way, particularly when criticised for being a bit shit;
- Be not that interesting;
- Be mainly read by 15 year old boys who live in Luton.
I am quite excited about it (not like that!!!).
What do you think? Would YOU like to read the L'Histore Sexuelle Du Singe Non-Travaillant, or The Joy of Monkey? Let me know! I think it could be great!!
26 comments:
Yes. You should do it. It is clearly something you feel very passionate - sorry 'hard' and also 'throbbing' - about.
I will also be starting one, I think. It will be about real sex what real people have. Sex which is not ground -breaking, but is, instead, 'nice'. And also gassy, bloated post-Chinese-takeaway sex. And drunken sex. And Have-you-finished-yet sex.
It will be called 'Fanny Farts and the Jackhammer Rhythm'.
Publishers can contact me through Non-Working Monkey.
Or also not.
I don't think you're allowed to be hard and throbbing unless you are also "hot" and "swollen".
(Despite overwhelming popular demand, I have no immediate plans to open a sex blog of my own.)
ah, monkey, beware the google searches if you do!
i finally had to change the headline on one of my dogblog entries. it was about trees that had fallen in a storm, and the headline was 'THE BOYS USED TO LIKE PEEING ON THESE TREES."
the boys, of course, being my dogs, riley and boscoe.
but nearly daily, i realized, creeps were finding their way to my blog by googling "boys peeing."
beware, monkey, beware!
Yes.
I would certainly rub myself surreptitiously against your overpriced book in Borders.
I think that that boat has sailed - the Interweb is crawling with sex blogs - you would not have "first mover advantage" (no, not like that!)
i think you should start up a sex and food/horticulture blog, perhaps using your neighbour (the one that gardens in the nude) as inspiration? i mean especially now that the weather's cold, i'd certainly want to know how long bleedin' heart nudists stick to, well nothing as they aren't wearing anything.
Indigo: yes I know!! that is why I am talking about the' conventions of the genre' and the like!!
Beth: hmm. I listen to you. You may have decided my fate. But what if I 'team up' (not like that!!!!!) with Anna and Katy? Then Jack can buy the book.
Laurie. It is a ploy. I need to get traffic up so I can make money from the ads I do not carry.
Kermit - I want to know how big his nuts are. Until I have an answer, I care nothing for anything.
No. Just no. It would be like having a webcam in your pants. Though there's an idea for a new digital TV show
Yes. A sex blog. With poutine.
In my best Sid James voice... " phwoarrr"
I'm guessing this post alone is enough to produce some interesting stats spikes.
You, Anna, and Katy with Dave providing the pictures. Sounds like a winner to me. I wouldn't read it, of course, but I might peek.
Could you not be a sex coach? You obviously have the talent for guiding others and it would not matter about your monkey-lack-of-bosoms.
Monkey Sex Blog..... Hoorah...
can we get Billy Piper to act in it if it ever gets televised?
Please don't.
A sex blog is more than datapoints on a flashing screen, it's a responsibility. Many people venture to the Internet these days not only to learn about sex, and to see it up close, but to experience it first hand. *(Yes, like that). Think of a sex blog as an ant farm. All the posts are the individual ants working away creating a farm (out of sand). There they go, in and out and in and out, all day long, so busy, so happy and there we are, on the outside looking in "getting off" on this repetitive activity. Unless, of course, those ants are actually working for the weekend. And therein lies your responsibility in launching a sex blog. What will you be serving when all those ants retire from the farm? Follow me?
Oui. Oui.
I always feel sorry for Girl With A One-Track Mind's victims. More than one of them can never have dreamed that that unguarded drunken lesbian grope in the hotel ladies loo (GWAOTM is bi-, apparently) would be written up in intense, recognisable detail on the web within hours. Actually, that episode is the only one I have read, and it was definitely something that should have remained between those two.
"5. Profess to be 'feminist' in some way, particularly when criticised for being a bit shit;"
My dear girl, I think I love you. A bit.
(Not in a sex-blog-worthy way though.)
Are you one of those monkey that eats their sexual partner after she has finsihed with them? Because I would like you to think very carefully of the criminal repercussions of publishing such things on your monkey blog.
Although it is possible I'm thinking of spiders.
dear non-working monkey - please, PLEASE don't write a sex-blog!
your daily blog is so totally wonderful, that a sex-blog would just be overkill!
Update today: I have just realised that half the comments were spam fritters, so I am doing a bit of deletage. Yes.
ahahha... you just realized? ;P
I already did that.
Nothing seems to be moving, no visitors, no comments, no likes.
Perhaps I will go back to my regular blog
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