I Decide My Future Nationality Upon Anthem Alone

OK. What's it to be? Shall I be a Canadian, living in "the true north, strong and free" (this idea makes me quite tearful, I like it so):*



Or shall I remain British, therefore able to "confound their politics and scatter their knavish tricks"?**



I know! I shall have dual nationality!! Brilliant.


* it is different for French Canada and in a great many excellent ways, but that is for another day.

** and do not get me started on the whole 'Canada is part of the Commonwealth' malarkey.

There Are Polite Ways Of Saying Things

For e.g.:


I couldn't agree more, but ...
I do not agree with you at all.

I completely see your point
You are wrong.

I can see your point of view
You are wrong and also stupid.

That's very interesting
That will happen over my dead and twitching body.

There may be another way of looking at this
I am now about to tell you what to do. Pay attention.

That's one way of doing it. Another is to ....
You are wrong. I am right.

What I suggest you think about is ...
Do it. Now.

Just looking at this objectively...
You are a fuckwit but you are also my client, so I cannot show you up.

I think that's a very interesting point of view.
I think you are retarded.

Possibly the best way to go at this is to ...
If we do not do this, everything will go to shit. Believe me.

That's one point of view!
You fucking cretin.

To be frank
I am quite close to hitting you.

To be honest
I am about to be very rude indeed.

May I be blunt?
I am about to tell you that you are a fucking idiot, so you may as well assume the 'brace' position.

With the greatest respect
I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.

Thanks for telling me. Now, how can I help you solve this problem?
Stop whining and go away.

How nice to hear from you
What do you want?

I've been in meetings all day
I have been avoiding your phone calls because I don't want to talk to you.

How was your weekend?
I am about to ask you to do something for me.

You're a star
Thank you for performing a mundane task, irritating person.

I hear you.
Fuck. Off.

I Get A New Job

It is ace. It is in Japan and I am really happy about it.

I Finally Finish My Garden Design

Do you like it?!! He looks particularly good in the (Canadian) winter, lightly coated with snow.

I Am Not Eating Them Either