In this, another in an occasionally regular new series, I attempt to 'spot the future'. Essentially, the future is going to be like post-rationing 1950s Britain and/or an Amish farm, but with electricity.
OK here goes.
Books
Drink
Bicycles
Cars
I have updated this post since the forward-looking Mrs Jones pointed out that horses are the way of the future. This is also true of donkeys and mules. If you don't have room for one of these, you will have one of the following:
Children
That's it for now. What is your prediction?
Pip "Crystal Ball" Pip
NWM
OK here goes.
Books
- Everyone will start buying out-of-print books. I will say no more on the matter for the time being, but I am definitely right.
- People will keep on buying books on their Kindles, iPads etc and then they will go, you know I loved that book a lot and I would like to own a printed copy of it. Then they will buy it again.
- Everyone will be a bit, O why is my house so cold and unfeeling? Then they will realise they haven't got any books on their shelves anymore, just receipts from iTunes and Audible.com, and then they will start buying real books again. ("Books Do Furnish A Room", let us not forget.)
- In a while someone in Shoreditch or Williamsburg or the Mile End in Montreal will - as these people do - start liking books because they are 'real' and 'authentic'. (Ref. (1) above). It will be like locally sourced hand-reared organic foodstuffs all over again. 'Ateliers' will open where people hand print and bind books like no-one has ever thought of it before. They will have tools for it and they will have aprons. I haven't even Googled this but I am 100% sure it is already happening and is being done by some fella with braces (suspenders for our US and Canadian cousins), a beard down to his knees, thick spectacles, a white shirt rolled up to reveal ironic sailorman tattoos, canvas trousers and workman boots.
- People will just get fed up with Borders and Amazon and Walmart, and they won't need to be told to visit their local bookshop, e.g. The Bookseller Crow On The Hill (in the meantime please buy your books online from him not Amazon). This is a fervent wish rather than a prediction but O that it were so!
- Biscuits.
- Home-made cheese.
- Potted meat.
Drink
- Lemon squash, ginger ale, cordial made out of hedgerows.
Bicycles
- Wicker baskets.
Cars
I have updated this post since the forward-looking Mrs Jones pointed out that horses are the way of the future. This is also true of donkeys and mules. If you don't have room for one of these, you will have one of the following:
- An electric car so quiet they have to put an ice-cream van style jingle in it so people can hear you coming
- Bicycles (above)
- Busses
- Trams
Children
- They will once again become small people who are seen but not heard, say 'please' and 'thank you', write thank you-letters, eat what they are given and do not do performances shouting "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME".
- Parents will be pleased when their children jump in puddles in their gumboots, collect sticks, and ask for a hamster and an Arthur Ransome book for Christmas, not disappointed that they are not doing Grade 8 violin at the age of 2.
- O-Levels and A-Levels will come back
- High-heeled shoes and Bakugan pyjamas will be banned for anyone under 12.
- No-one will be mean to ladies who can't breast-feed, and people who do breast-feed will not make a political statement out of it and make everyone else feel like an idiot.
- There will be no 'parenting technique' discussions because everyone will do the same thing.
- Prams will be gigantic and blue.
That's it for now. What is your prediction?
Pip "Crystal Ball" Pip
NWM
10 comments:
Confession: I already put the products of hedgerows into my wicker basket. But I am confused as to whether this makes me (a) ahead of my time, or (b) a hipster.
I have been saying for several years now that the horse is the transport of the future. And I'd be right.
This is all true, because I already have a bicycle but soon my area will also be getting a tram. However, I am a bit concerned that trams aren't compatible with bicycles, because one time I got my wheel stuck in some tram tracks and fell off onto my face and my bottles of wine fell out of my wicker basket onto the road.
The story has a happy ending, though, because they didn't break. And also a passing middle-aged couple apologised to me, even though it was clearly my fault for cycling into the tram track (they were just standing nearby), and this made me happy to be British.
I am disappointed that there is no news on what to expect from Sting.
Because of the time zones, here in New Zealand it is already the future and I can tell you that home made cheese is all the rage. As are baking, growing vegetables and knitting. We call it "Nana chic".
re books, don't forget the magnificent abebooks.com, seldom new, but a great source of the printed matter
Re: "Books. 4.": "Ateliers"? AAaaargh! I will personally "Curate" your first Book Atelier.
@ "punctured": Sting will be dead of Yoga overdose, as it should be.
I don't have any predictions but it would be wonderful if yours would come true -- especially the ones about books and kids. We raised our boy during an era when kids just played outside and jumped in puddles and weren't being shuttled around from event to event to event. I did make cordial once -- not from hedgerows but from from "weeds" in my yard. It was great stuff.
Does anyone read your rubbish?
No, of course not, Anonymous!
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