I go to the office Christmas party

I write to my husband, the French-Canadian veterinary research histopathologist.

"We left Montreal at 4 in stupid stretch limo. Journey was supposed to take 1hr 40 mns. After 2 hours, checking what time we would arrive on our phones, saw the twat had gone the wrong way. Someone also pointed out that we had gone across a river on a ferry at some point, which made no sense. Someone else pointed out that we were in Ontario.  Driver didn't admit was lost.   Stopped at shop for a wee, redirected driver who finally admitted he had taken 'a wrong turn'.  Wanted to make up time so he starts driving across country in a snowstorm in a stretch limo with the rubber falling off one of the windows and 0 (zero) snow tyres with 8 people drinking beer in the back.  Started skidding, ended up in a ditch.  Laughing so much we nearly weed in our pants.  Some of the boys climb out (NB car is at 45 degree angle) to smoke cigarettes; Ontario Police come along, breathalyse driver, tell us we are not supposed to be drinking beer in back of car. I am by this point hiding under coat trying to have a snooze.  Everyone posting on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram etc; everyone at agency still sober enough to be replying; everyone freaking out; us still laughing our heads off.   Left agency at 4; by now it’s 8.  

Wait another hour, man comes, tows us out, gets us on the road, we keep driving.  Arrive at 9.45. Dinner over, videos over. Everyone too pissed to notice us arriving and cheer - we are sad we are not centre of attention - so we go and eat dinner in the over-lit bar and drunk people ask us why we were in the ditch until we can’t be bothered to tell the story anymore.  Laugh roundly at irony that of all the teams to drive into a ditch, it would have to be ours.  Then too tired to do anything else and hate office parties anyway (esp as average age of agency is 23 & as you know I hate young people) so go to bed at midnight. Bed bliss.  Wake up at 7, have breakfast (omelette made by someone who calls me 'dude'), get back in limo (same driver) at 8 and drive back. 

Now are on a conference calls. All day. Everyone else is doing dog sledding and showshoeing in a five star hotel in the country."