Monday, January 30, 2012

I do some live blogging from a conference call

Night draws in, and with it the prospect of our much-longed-for 10pm conference call with some people in "APJ", i.e., Asia Pacific Japan, i.e. Japan, China, India, Australia & Singapore. (We are in Canada.) I am going to write about it "on the go".

OK here goes. Dialling in.

If I need assistance I am to press 'star'. 

Japan are saying hello! They are well, which I am glad to hear.

Someone in India is not listening.

Australia are on! 

China are on!

This is amazing.


China are not on.  Oh hang on. Are they?

There is a dog barking.

We are giving China one more minute to join. I am not hopeful. 

They are sorry about doubling up on the pdf. 

China are going to be joining in one minute.

Japan cannot read the tracker.  

There is a crashing sound.  Someone has just gone on hold and some country and western music is playing.

Everyone is doing their email and Skyping their mums. I am typing my blog. 

They are talking about timelines now and challenges. And dates. 

China want some PSOM. I do not know what that is. 

We aren't going to be able to give Japan the required material in time.

NEW MUSIC!! It is like Star Wars. Someone is saying 'hello' in an echo chamber. IT IS CHINA TEAM!!! 

They are not aligned with the go-to-market team and India's toolkit is at risk. 

We have passed the deadline.

THEY ARE PUTTING IT ON THE TABLE. China team are going to develop something - but we have to let them be aware of what we are developing.

No they are not. They are keeping the global version. Phew.

I do not understand what anyone is saying. They are now in a wind tunnel. No-one I work with understands either, but someone called "Susan" is being spoken about in revered tones by a lady in Singapore.

Someone is being pushed for the key visual. I do not like the sound of that one bit.

China Team wish to have the concept (I think).

I have literally no fucking idea what is going on.

Whatever it is works very well for  China Team, but Friday is too late.

Unless someone says a big 'no' to something, there is 90% chance something may or may not happen.

Everyone is laughing but I do not understand the joke.

We cannot count on the global handover date!!!!! WHAT?!!! There is nothing funny about that one little bit.

Grace is OK on this. That's good to know.  Who is Leslie?  Concept lock that, ladies and gentlemen!

Final approval date, timeline, concreted global retail development toolkit scheduled.

Santa is on the line! He is OK with the copy being approved by February 14th.  That's good.

OK we are going to talk about spiders now.

It's the music again!

"Oops", say Japan.

India are concerned that the carbon fibre will not look good on the newspaper and it is not done yet. No it is! They have the file and the results are coming back today.  There may be feedback.

The man on the street may not be engaged by it. I am sorry to hear that.


Oh, China Team.


daisyfae said...

jeebus on a pogo stick! we were on the same call... or maybe it just seemed that way. i really don't know... i was on facebook - posting cute cat pics.

Anonymous said...

Monkey, thank you for "concept lock", I've squirreled that away x


My very great pleasure. Let's have an interlock and see how we feel

Megan said...

I don't know what PSOM is but if China gets some I want some too, only I want mine to be blue and maybe with a nice subtle stripe.

The Reluctant Launderer said...

Sigh. I had the children in bed and lights out by 630 (a first, achieved by feeding them at 430 and beating them up the stairs at 5, and still, STILL, it took an hour and a half to get them into bed) and had an evening of accomplishing things(undetermined) in mind. And then I stopped by Belgian Waffling, who directed me here, and before I know it it's gone 8 and I haven't even STARTED to accomplish anything. (I've had two large drinks tho, so that's something, no?)
Anyway, very very pleased to have come across your blog and shall be adding you to my Sites That Distract Me list.

Sooz said...

I'm a fellow nonsense-conference-call sufferer and I posted a link to this post on Facebook... had 3 shares and loads of comments in a couple of hours. It seems several people from my workplace and others were on that call with you. WEIRD.

Sooz, A lady in Singapore X

ps. I have been lurking on your blog since you were in Brixton looking at statues. It's fab.

pps. A quote from a friend about this post: "This is Grade A genius. It sounds like every wasted hour I spend on global calls. You shall now be known as "Susan of the revered tones"... Santa was happy though, which is nice"


HULLO AND WELCOME NEW (Reluctant Launderer) (and old, but refreshed, i.e. YOU, Sooz) readers. I am flattered and delighted by your kind words, and hope to remain 'diverting' (at least in the short- to medium- term.)

Alison Cross said...

That was VERY entertaining. Slightly unnerving in that this IS how business decisions are taken every day, these days!

I was once part of a huuuuuge group phone call that had folks in the US, NZ, Aus, Scotland (moi) and Canada on the line. In that telephone call there was not only random dog barking, but clearly someone tipped over a coffee onto something and there was a sound of crashing crockery, muffled profanity and one country immediately went off line.

I loved that you blogged live from your multinational skype telephone call. You're not an international arms trader or anything important, are you? The fate of world peace doesn't hinge on what was going on, does it? *kisses loved ones goodbye*

Accidental Londoner said...

This is absolutely hilarious...and so familiar! I think all future telecon minutes should be written up in a similar manner. (Will suggest it to the rest of my office....!)


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