Sunday, January 08, 2012

I do some TV reviews

I don't trust people who don't own a television.  I think it's a bit weird. I was at school with some girls whose parents didn't have one, and they were still reading Pippi Longstocking when the rest of us were smoking Silk Cut at the bottom of the hockey pitch, taking 2 hours to eat a 75p baked potato at the Lyric Theatre cafe and saying "We'd like TO PAY now please" to the man in the wig who ran the corner shop.

The worst type of people are the ones who go "oh no we do not have a television because we have the Art of Conversation, Fine Literature and Boardgames to keep us amused!".  I can guarantee that none of these is as much fun as playing Drink-A-Longa Damages, and I would probably not accept an invitation to their house for dinner, because they would serve up under-seasoned tofu kebabs and overcooked tagliatelle with dried rosemary.  And home-made beer.

Anyway, here are some TV reviews. You will see a high number of HBO-produced programmes, and a great deal of American comedy. You will not see any Canadian television and this is because - unless someone can tell me otherwise - Canadian television is relentlessly awful. Canadian television is not, however, as bad as French television.  Danish television looks like it is great, mind you.

Starting with the Danes, I give you the real version of The Killing. I haven't seen the US version and probably won't because I don't need to. I have Sophie Grabol, some variously hot sidekicks, Copenhagen in the rain and the best theme tune ever written.  I know everyone knows about it but still, if you haven't, you must. It's about a crime that happens and then a lady in a jumper solves it, but she is a bit weird so it's more interesting than it normally would be. You also get quite excited by Danish politics and a surprising number of interior design tips.  It is physically impossible to watch the first season without shouting NANNA BIRK LARSEN and TROELS randomly as if you were afflicted by a rare form of Scando-Tourettes.

Damages is quite good. Glenn Close is massively camp and plays a sociopathic lawyer in sinister dark glasses who likes to end big cases by standing next to the water somewhere with her arms crossed. She is quite mean but you feel a bit sorry for her because she (by the end of it) is living alone with many bottles of whisky, a dog that doesn't like her much and some nightmares.  She also has a strange relationship with a pretty Australian lady.  The whole thing is entirely unlikely and it is a miracle they are not all dead from alcohol poisoning, but it is entertaining.

(Do not watch alone unless you have nerves of steel because there is quite a lot of blood and sudden leapings out from behind doors.  The third series is a bit shit.)

Mad Men is fucking ace. If you want to know what working in an advertising agency is like, it is still quite a lot like that in quite a lot of ways, but without the overt sexism and drinks trolleys out on the sideboard.   (They are in the cupboard.)  It is also different in that the modern-day equivalents of Don Draper are not as hot as hell with excellent suits. They are more likely to look like they run a second-hand skateboard shop, and they smell a bit.

I find The Good Wife very soothing. In it, Nurse Hathaway out of ER has re-trained as a lawyer and has married Mr Big out of Sex and the City. Nurse Hathaway has sexytime with her boss at one point which is a bit strange. She has won over 142 Emmys for her performance, which remains exactly the same from episode to episode.    (If you have watched this and have also watched Damages, you may agree that neither Nurse Hathaway nor Ellen Parsons benefit from a fringe.)

Arrested Development. There is a man on it called Gob who goes around on a Segway, a son called George Michael and a frozen banana stand. What's not to like?

More later. I'm going to Boston now. Bye.


p.s. please let me know if there are any television programmes you would like me to review.  I have probably seen them, so don't  hold back.


the student said...

Parks and Recreation?



katie said...

I don't have a TV. But I'm not weird. I just spend most of my time playing on the internet and drinking gin.

Also, reading the archives of your blog (specifically: I go to the gym, part 2) inspired me to see if I could do a backwards roll, but it turned out I couldn't. So no need for a TV when I can just spend my evenings hurling myself backwards onto the floor then screaming with rage at my inevitable failure.

Mrs.B said...

Do Borgen please. Also by that nice Dr Praesenterer.

daisyfae said...

"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Re: "Mad Men" - every time i watch it, i am almost overwhelmed with the desire to drink and smoke at work, while chasing my secretary around a desk. Thank god she doesn't wear a bullet bra....

Lola said...

Never Mind the Buzzcocks, which is British TV but searingly weird and funny, especially Noel Fielding, who makes my husband cry with laughter. The best episodes are when they have someone on who's never seen it before and Doesn't Understand, a bit like that Vic & Bob show when Larry Hagman was so out of his depth that his hat was barely showing out of the water.

WV: balsatio, which is out of the Marguerite Patten recipe book, and contains balsamic vinegar and 'herbs'. It sounds as though you are too busy to recommence the MP cookery project, which is a great shame.

johnnyboy said...

For national pride purposes, I feel I must make a small correction to an otherwise peerless post: yes canadian TV is awful, but not unrelentingly so. If you look real hard, you can find maybe one show per season which is not entirely unwatchable.

Emma said...

Bored to Death (HBO) - brilliant

katyboo1 said...

Spiral. Please.

Tired Dad said...

For a long time I didn't have a television. I didn't shut up about it. As a result, people thought I was 'a cunt'. The end.

Continue 'blogging' please.

Xtreme English said...

i don't have TV because I don't like it. drives me nuts. i don't like tofu, either, or home-made beer (gah!). there's nothing i do for fun in place of TV. i have very little fun, actually.

why don't you review those cooking shows (ha...i did used to watch the food channel)?

asta said...

Slings and Arrows

Nimble said...

Yes! Slings and Arrows which I found at the public library which proves that I am a useless non pay-tv watcher. But still. It is so soapy and theatrical and fun!

Icy Mt. said...

Showtime. Dexter. Full stop.


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