Tuesday, January 03, 2012

I know what I am not good at

"Oh no! I am SUCH a bad cook", simpers the over-dressed hostess, soufflé loftily a-quiver. "More by luck than judgement!", says the newly-promoted CEO.  "This old thing!", says the bride, upholstered in couture Verna Twang.

No such false humility for me. I am quite old now (42) and so am getting to know what I am good at and what I am bad at.

Bad at

  1. Anagrams (I am writing this post because Countdown is on the telly and it makes me feel stupid and hotly ashamed)
  2. Scrabble
  3. Sudoku
  4. Writing down numbers when they are read out to me
  5. Algebra 
  6. Cryptic crosswords
  7. Screwing caps on properly
  8. Remembering birthdays
  9. Reading maps without turning them in the direction in which I am travelling
  10. Monopoly
  11. Any puzzle that starts: "If 10 farmers have 5 pigs and 5 sheep..." (or similar)
  12. Reading instructions
  13. Reading knitting patterns
  14. Hiding distain
  15. Sleeping properly
  16. Doing things I find boring 



Good at 


  1. Remembering complex routes by sight
  2. Reading fast
  3. Remembering colours
  4. Visualising what things will look like on a wall
  5. Charades, Spite and Malice, Spit, Racing Demon, Shithead, etc. I am really really good at The Hat Game
  6. Seasoning food properly
  7. Understanding recipes
  8. Remembering songs (even though I can't sing)
  9. Gantt charts 
  10. Not shouting "FUCK OFF, TWAT", when people say things like "circle back" and "critical few"
  11. Not being one. little. bit. impressed by MBAs  
  12. Eating and drinking (but not cucumbers or raw celery)
  13. Making it up
  14. Guessing
  15. Diffusing anxiety
  16. Seeing where the leaks are in an argument.
None of these is very useful, unless you are up for World Hat Game Champion (with a prize of $150,000).  

Pip "false humility is so 2011!!!" pip

NWM




9 comments:

daisyfae said...

only being able to read a map is a sign of advanced Spacial Intelligence Quotients. and i just made that up...

daisyfae said...

i meant "only being able to read a map when it's facing the direction you're going"...

and failing to complete a thought while writing a comment on a blog is a sign of excessive alcohol consumption.

mad muthas said...

i am quite bad at doing any slightly complex manual task without my tongue out. in my house, it is known as the tongue of concentration

mad muthas said...

hah - i am also bad at remembering that signing in with my google password would link back to this very old blog i once had.

Mr Farty said...

I had to laugh at the map-reading, I'm just the same. I only heard "critical few" for the first time about three days ago, it's going on my bullshit bingo card for the next company pep talk.

Happy New Year, NWM!

jonathan said...

For the second time tonight (also a moment ago @ Looby) I find myself agreeing wholeheartedly with DaisyFae. I think there is something actually quite suspect about those people who can read a map without turning it sideways/ upside down, they need keeping an eye on and very carefully. Overall your two lists are almost spookily similar to what I would have come up with while watching Countdown... in particular 1, 9, 14 and 16 of the 'no good ats' (I failed completely at 14 during a work meeting this morning with possibly severe career-related consequences), and 2, 8, 9 (GANTT charts- aren't they just brilliant!) and 16 in the 'good ats'.

Special K said...

Hey, guess what? We play something like your Hat Game, but we call it "Celebrity", except we play three rounds - the first one is like yours, then you throw all the names back in the hat, and in round 2 you can only say 3 words to describe the person. After done, all names back into the hat, and in Round 3 you can't say anything, only pantomime, to describe person. It's really fun, you should try it! (:

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

OH dear GOD. I have just seen all these lovely comments and they are making me swoon with joy.

Icy Mt. said...

It is: "The precious few and the trivial many." If you are going to quote Deming, get it right or be forever labeled as the part of management that is the problem.

Also good at loathing MBA's,
Icy

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