I am not in London for long, and will be pausing only to go to the shops and to see, with the pathologist, 2 - 35 (depending on turnout) friends on the way back the following Friday. It will be excellent, and we will drink beers. I am sure of it.
In preparation, I have drawn up a shopping list. It is made of things that I cannot buy in Canada and that I feel the lack of. Here goes:
1. Hula-Hoops. The mighty, mighty Hula-Hoop. Plain, mind.
2. PG Tips teabags.
3. Bendick's Bittermints. The prince of all confections.
4. Muji pens.
5. Interesting and/or well-cut clothes.
6. The Mumford & Sons long-player.
7. A decent fucking newspaper.
8. Marks and Spencer BodyShaper tights
Otherwise, I shall just stand inside the front doors of Peter Jones and weep quietly for what I have lost; I shall not enter the doors of Liberty; I will go past on the bus eating an M&S prawn mayonnaise sandwich and I will not stop at Habitat or Heal's; I will not think about Andrew Edmunds; I will not think about London cabs or always being able to watch good telly and find a good newspaper to read; I will not think about driving across Westminster Bridge or Borough Market or any of those things. No. I will not.
In other news, I have just been sent this:
By the magnificent Dame Emma. "Sting's home turf, obvs", she writes in the comment box below. Yes. I edited this post to include that photograph. THAT is how much I love it.
* Actually and literally brilliant, despite the use of the words 'unheated' and 'faux'
15 comments:
Ooohh, have a wonderful time! You should know they have changed the Bodyshaper tights - but I like the new ones too. Magic thingy panel something. But like the old ones usually out of stock. Good luck.
You should know that Oxford St is chewed up with building and roadworks. Crossrail. Top end of Dean St shut. Tott Ct Rd junction a mess.
Have a wonderful time though! And Amsterdam! Can't you get interesting clothes there? Or no...?
PS - I agree about the PG Tips.
Yes Amsterdam VERY good for wonderful clothes, especially if you are on the porky side, comme moi. Also wonderful STUFF there. I shall do a shopping guide to Amsterdam when I am there like a loser. It has 5 shops on it and most of them contain cake(s).
Thank you for the warning about the tights - know what I mean, the really fab elastic-y opaque ones that hold everything in, even your ego? (Barely credible in my case but still.)
Ah, poor monkey. Weep for your lost tights and clothing that doesn't look stupid.
Here is a photo to cheer you up: http://bit.ly/datAqH
Sting's home turf, obvs.
I have a 'Facebook friend' who is amazing (she knows who she is!!!) who would bluddy LOVE this picture. I love it more though however much she loves it.
Ms B I didn't mean YOUR ego, I meant "one's", with particular reference to me (i.e., me).
'sokay, I knew that! Srsly, the new ones are as okay as the old ones I think.
PS - My word recognition word is testous.
I had "totclamps" last week. This is not a joke.
My word is cundfa. Possibly even more disturbing than the content of your last post...
If this keeps up, I won't be coming here again. Possibly.
Don't be a fool, Elle. You won't be able to stop, not even if it says "jizzbiscuits".
In other news, I need a good pedicure near Kennington. Anyone got any ideas?
So what is the universe trying to tell me if my word verifier is uncessli? I'm trying very hard to make it sound dirty in my mind so I can be One of the Cool Kids but it just sounds like a rather dull and underfunded United Nations program for distribution of leaflets on the importance of corn removal.
NWM - while your shopping list is brilliant I offer this set of delights you could purchase were you to accidentally find yourself in my current town (due to a very, very sad and confused hijacker):
1. Tins of green chile - v. mushy, utterly without flavour or heat
2. Jackalope products of all sorts (including but not limited to post cards, t-shirts and taxidermied rabbits)
3. Novelty "Mexican" hats
4. Balloon fiesta pins, useful for trading for other balloon fiesta pins which are useful for...
Oh, forgot - most important item of all: Howling Coyote With Bandana on its Neck. To be honest, I don't think they let you out again if you don't buy one of these, I think they follow you around with crack squads of attack mariachi players and menace you with pinatas.
NB - I give up, my word now is decen.
Ooooooo, I think I am the Facebook friend and I do love it., ever so. I shall be planning a visit to Great Cockup and Titty Hill on my return to Blighty, camera in hand. Maybe it will be necessary to purchase a day ticket to France to "bag" Condom.
i'm all confused now - when are you going to be in london precisely? cos i'm going to be there for a bit next week - that is, the week beginning tomorrow. so - now you know x
(word ver: morse. what are the chances?)
megster
I'm confused too, anonymous, do you mean me or NWM? I'm around for a couple of months probably.
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