Yes, dear readers, the magic time has arrived: I am back in my 'home town'. Born in Wimbledon (for some unaccountable reason, for we did not live there and were not Catholics, yet nuns were involved) in 1969, followed by Kensington, Chiswick, Baron's Court and finally - the Monkeyparents' move to Fulham and then East Sheen notwithstanding - to Brixton, London is both my monkey and my master.
I hate it and I love it. I want it and I want to run away from it. I want to live here and lick the pavements every day, and I want to never step foot in it again. I am proud of it and I am not. I am allowed to say what I like about it, but no-one else (particularly people from rubbish cities*) is allowed to be rude about it.
Yesterday, we had a 'day out up West', which involved getting the 159 bus from outside the disused air conditioning factory in Kennington where my dear pals live, and getting off at Selfridges. Here is what I have noticed is great after 2 years and 6 months of living in Montreal, i.e. long enough to get things in perspective and long enough to forget a lot of things, but also long enough to forget the bad things.
Busses (Or is it "Buses"?)
Hello! I am on the top and I can see everything. Is like brilliant tourist bus, but for only 2 British pounds. Also great: people saying "thank you!" at the bus driver when they get off, ringing the bell, Oyster cards, yellow handles, good ads on the bus, people with different sorts of clothes on, people being polite, etc.
When I lived here, busses also involved shouting youths listening to music loudly, people who smelled of despair, never being able to get a seat and queues.
Tea
Anyone brought up in Britain (and probably also Ireland) who likes tea has probably suffered from being in 'the abroad', where tea does not involve boiling water and often involves being asked what kind of tea you want. Any British person knows exactly what "would you like a cup tea?" means, and has also probably said "ooh, lovely" when given a cup of tea at some point in their lives.
Yesterday, at John Lewis*, the lady asked me if I wanted a 'cup or a pot'. I nearly wept.
Advertising
People of Britain: please do not complain about advertising. The advertising you have to put up with is approximately 1 million times better than 90% of the advertising in Canada, where I live now.
Television, radio, newspapers etc
People of Britain: be proud. We may not have an empire, we may not be as funny as we think we are, we may not be that clever, the NHS may be fucked - in fact, we may be fucked in all sorts of ways, etc etc, but oh, the media things! They are brilliant.
Pubs
Hello pubs!!! I will have to fetch my own drink from the bar and the beer may be warm, but that is what I am used to. And also, you may have Hula-Hoops.
Marks & Spencer
Sigh.
There is also a lot of rubbish stuff, e.g. discontented youths, faint feeling of imminent danger, things being very expensive, not being able to buy somewhere to live within 3 hours' drive of a Tube station for less than 2 million British pounds, etc, and (particularly distressing in my case), being able to understand what everyone is saying the whole time.
People of Britain!!! How do you feel about it? Are these the romantic observations of the slightly homesick ex-pat? And how much do you want to be sick when you hear the expression "ex-pat"?
Pip pip!
NWM
* i.e., most other cities apart from about 10 - any suggestions welcome
** Usually I would be at Peter Jones, but I won't dwell on it
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13 comments:
You are so wise about the media thingies and stuff. I HATE magazines and newspapers in North America/Canada. Sometimes when I am there for long periods of time I forget how utterly crap they are and buy a magazine and then run howling through the streets pulling my hair out and weeping. I then pay fourteen pounds for a ten week old copy of OK magazine with Jordan's breasts on the front and relax.
People don't say "thank you" to the bus drivers in Montreal? They do (mostly) in my part of Canada. Also, I think most Canadians tend to be polite. That's the stereotype, anyway.
I'm fourth-or-so-generation Canadian and to me "a cup of tea" means just one thing, too. However, although that is assumed as the default, I do have people -- or wait staff -- also offering herbal or chai or whatever as an option. Still, unless qualified otherwise, "cup of tea" means, well, a cup of tea.
(As an aside, we used to have Marks & Spencer in Canada, but they closed in the '80s or thereabouts. Ditto Boots.)
Fully agree about British advertising and media. Love the newspaper-reading culture, love the breadth of what's available, love the irreverence. I devour the media whenever I've been in the UK.
As for the pubs... well, I doubt anything here can come close.
Enjoy your time "home." Just discovered your blog and enjoy your writing.
As a third-generation Canadian and a born and raised Maritimer tea is just that. It involves freshly boiled water and a scalded ceramic pot and don't even MENTION dropping a tea bag in a mug and calling the bog water that results "tea." I'm looking at you Newfoundlanders.
As for the rest, it's been so long since I've been in the YooKay I can't really comment. I can thankfully find Boots cleansers and moisturizers at SDM, but M&S is sadly missed.
I have a love/hate relationship with my grandparents' decision to emigrate.
Canadians!!! Take note!!! this is not about Yoookay vs. Canada. Canada very superior in many ways, but not in newspapers and advertising and Marks and Spencers. Although you could argue that higher standard of living, managing not to succumb to worldwide recession, large amounts of uninhabited natural wonder, widespread 'niceness' etc might put Canada in the lead if it were a competition. It is about English things I miss. Also tea in ENGLISH Canada usually seems to be OK. It is in Quebec and the rest of the world that we get into trouble. Although I should think Quebec and the rest of the world they think our tea obsession is insane. Let them think that. I do not care.
I am particularly bitter about the worlwide scourge of Lipton Yellow "tea". And we don't even have MILK in my office here in la belgique, just a peculiar substance called koffieroom, which is yellow, sweet, and curdles unpleasantly. Did you manage to get your bittermints?
Personally, I can't stand standard English milky PG tips builders two sugars stand the spoon up in it tea. Nor I am that keen on sympathy. What is far better for both body and soul is either weak Chinese (or Japanese), ideally with a petal of some sort floating in it, or black black black Russian tea made by pouring boiling water onto the leaves in a glass or lab beaker, served with a bracing helping of logical analysis of one's shortcomings. And of course tea bags are a symptom of all that is wrong with this fallen world.
That said, yes to John Lewis and Peter Jones, yes to buses, yes to M&S (and Waitrose) and yes I said yes I will yes to pubs.
Hello! I arrived back in Blighty yesterday, and hope to get some more rude word searching done when I've done just a little bit for work. (This is my lunch break. Ahem.)
Anyway, to the subject of your fine post, I have to agree most strongly with all of your observations. Indeed, I would go much further on the pub thing. British pubs are BRILLIANT, only being beaten in the whole world by Irish pubs (possibly). They have darkness, and Victorian glass, and they (sometimes) sell real cider aka scrumpy which as any fule no has alcohol in it (approaching the levels round in rum or brandy) and is not just another word for apple juice. Any country that thinks a bar or cafe or (worse) an Irish pub not in Ireland is better than a British pub should be expelled from Earth, or at least made to sit outside for a couple of hours and write out 100 times "British pubs are the only true way to get plastered."
Got to agree with Jaywalker too. Lipton Yellow Tea is truly bollocks and (if such a thing were possible) is made even more like the results of my washing up by always being made at 97C.
The other good thing about the UK compared to California where I also spend a lot of time is that it is properly old.
I love London and would never be rude about it. One of the best things is that I have never not been helped by lovely people when struggling with a suitcase, and they GIVE UP THEIR SEAT ON THE BUS TO ME (sorry to shout, but it's just so wonderful) when they see me using a stick. One of the best things about being in London is using the bus, in fact - out here in the provinces, they are terribly expensive, unreliable and don't go outside the city in the evening, which makes them useless.
Although I don't much like proper tea with milk, preferring the poncy scented stuff that you can see the bottom of the cup through, you are completely right, of course. And "ooh, lovely", said with a sigh, is the correct and inevitable response.
Actually, although some places on the Continong serve delicious coffee, i get well cheesed off with espresso and long to get home for a delicious full cup of strong black coffee that doesn't instantly remove every drop of moisture from my mouth.
Pubs are great. I like getting my own drink. And it's real beer, not too-cold lager. And they might have Twiglets and pork scratchings.
Someone who works or marries abroad is not an ex-pat like someone who retires there. And Canada is hardly abroad, except that Quebec adds a touch of the exotic.
>Canadians!!! Take note!!! this is not about Yoookay vs. Canada
Oh, no... I hope my comment didn't sound that way! I'd turn my back on Toronto in a heartbeat to live in London. (And I wasn't doubting your experience with tea in Canada... just noting that my expectation of what tea is matches yours.) Also, UK media far superior -- agreed!
NO OFFENCES TAKEN, was not directed at anyone, just a general comment to Canadians reading not to think I am having a bloody UK-off. Because if I did, I would be almost as bad as those English people who move to France, don't learn French and import tins of Bird's Custard. I don't know why. I just would.
More later. I must get my flight to Amsterdam!!! the fun never stops.
NWM
Oh, good. Because, you know, I'd rather tear out my own heart than to cause offence. ;-)
Ew! Gosh, given the choice, I'd risk the offence. But then you are evidently lovely and I am a sullen old bag.
But... but... what are the 10 cities? I must know as I am in the process of winkling myself out of my current city (an infected follicle in the armpit of the desert southwest) and I refuse to move anywhere less than utterly brilliant. Please report quickly and also specifically re Kalamazoo, MI.
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