On the other hand, I did get to spend the day on the road with a Botox salesman, and if I play my cards right, I might get to go to a chip factory. My drawer full of stolen Aveda miniatures is fit to bursting; I have three offices in two cities; when things break, someone else mends them.
I am spending a lot of time in Toronto, which thinks it is cool* and has as its main the attraction the CN Tower, which is rubbish, and definitely not "Canada's Wonder of The World" (what that is I couldn't tell you, but it isn't the CN Tower, which you can see there to your left). French Canada (i.e. Montreal, and Quebec generally) is much better than R.O.C.**, and English Canada knows it, despite spending most of their time either grumbling about French Canadians, or forgetting they are there - which is a bit hard as there are 7m of them out of a population of about 33m. The French ones are generally better looking, ruder, sexier, work less, are funnier and drink wine at lunch, although they too are capable of delusion, for e.g.:
French Canadian: Montreal in the summer is just like Paris!
Me: Ha ha ha! You are funny. When's the last time to went to Paris, by the way?
French Canadian: I have never been to Europe.
Me: I .... oh.
There is nothing wrong with English Canadians as far as I can see; they are "almost incoherently polite", as Jan Morris said, and a bit passive-aggressive, but they have good skins and good hearts and yes, they really are ... nice. (And they don't say 'eh?' the whole time.)
That is all.
P.S: The bank sorted it, sort of.
*For British readers, Toronto thinking it is cool is like Hull suddenly really starting to reckon itself.
** "The Rest Of Canada". This is not a joke!!
6 comments:
BAH! There's a reason British Columbia has the Rocky Mountains along its eastern border, it's to keep the ROC out.
And that giant phallic tower is a fantastic representation of the city it's in.
Joking.
Somewhat.
I COULD NOT POSSIBLY COMMENT ON YOUR COMMENT!!!
But it is quite true (as far as I can see), that:
1. Everyone else in Canada hates Toronto
2. Toronto doesn't understand why
3. Whilst referring to themselves as 'Canada's First City".
Meanwhile, everyone has no problem cocking on endlessly about how great Vancouver is (ocean in front, mountains behind, relatively clement weather, very 'relaxed' drug laws), apart from Torontonians who seem to hate it with a vengeance ("fucking tofu-eating pot smoking wasters. And it rains the whole time"). From what I understand, this is because Torontonians know that Vancouver is 100000 times better, and know that they will never have the nerve to actually leave Toronto and go and live there.
But what do I know?!!!
Canada's Wonder of The World
Newfoundland is so disgusted with R.O.C that it's an island. Now THAT'S separating.
Eh?
Damn. I have only one office in one city and that city is shit. And no one offers to send me away on visits no matter how many times I make loud comments about their personal appearance and send them email chain letters promising love and riches UNLESS THEY BREAK THE CHAIN. Can't imagine what I'm doing wrong.
Also can't comment on Canada as the bit I've seen was the rather long and empty stretch between Montana and Alaska so as far as I know most Canadians are moose.
I am so glad you are still alive. I was beginning to worry that my holiday might have to be cancelled.
And as for Toronto: it's like the French believing theirs is the only food worth eating.
It's all true.
You have almost all the secrets to understanding Canada now.
asta
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