It is great! On my first day I got loads of free stuff (e.g. computers, telephones, desk lamps, pencils, $750 of free acupuncture and tax relief), and people have been being nice to me for nearly four days.
Everywhere there is helpfulness: when you travel, someone organises your aeroplanes and hotels (which contain rooms with their own separate bathroom). Other people answer questions about for e.g. how often French Canadians have sex vs. the Rest of Canada without thinking you are weird. Everyone is nice AND clever (it is a Canadian thing), whilst also being good at irony (also a Canadian thing - in most cases).
At lunchtime I go and walk 'two blocks up the street' and buy soup and eat it and think and look out of the window, then before I know it is time to go home. Yesterday, someone said: "We don't want you to DO anything. We just want you to think."
This morning, someone said it was very important for me to go to New York for a conversation. It is astonishing. But not as astonishing as the fact that in addition to and on top of all of this, I get paid money! This work thing is perhaps not so bad after all. It is definitely better in Canada than it is in England, that is for sure.
Coming soon: Who would win in a fight, Canada or the UK? Hurry - don't delay - send in your categories today! (E.g. media/space/weather/attractiveness of people, etc)
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17 comments:
I will forward my CV immediately. You can let them know that I am superb at thinking and not doing anything. I am also very gracious about accepting free items, particularly of good design or high value. If necessary I can provide testimonials to this effect.
canada will win they will send out the hockey players
Fantastic! So does this mean you're going to change your name?
I love the free stuff thing. Everytime I get fed-up at work, I'm going to take a good long look at my pens and remember how lucky I am.
Damn. I should have stayed in college. And been English. and a monkey.
I am a non.working.dutch.woman. Maybe I should go to Canada and start a whole new life with lots of free stuff and travel to New York and see the Statue of Liberty and Ground Zero.
But then I think, but that is so much work! All that traveling and sitting folded up in an airplane and lugging around luggage and having to be cheerful and kind and talkative.
No, I'll just stay here and blog and live vicariously by reading your blog and seeing how it is out there in the big scary world.
Besides, I smoke and I'll be an outcast everywhere.
It's so much better than working for yourself. I am too mean to give myself anything for free...
{happyforyou}So... the non-working monkey gets the dream job of the century{/happyforyou}
Canada wins the job war hands down!
The UK has a larger variety of hats.
I have absolutely no evidence to back this up, merely a curiously potent desire that it should be so.
With all due respect, I dispute Jack's claim that the UK has a larger variety of hats. We would win in the toque department alone.
And Huzzah! for your new job. With all the free stuff.
Jobs can be so rewarding. For instance, this week I got to pack up my office in preparation for renovations. I will still have to work next week, I will just have to do it whilst remembering into which (FREE!) banker's box I put the (FREE!)files and supplies I need for each task...
It's times like this I could really used a small clay pipe and glass of absinthe. Or just the asbinthe, really. Free, of course.
Yes, I think that in the Hat and Thermal Underwear depts, Canada wins hands-down - unless Jack can produce photographic evidence of englishfolk walking around with hats made out of whole badgers.
Even in an aeroplane, you can spend a whole day flying over the Canada. That's a lot of snow.
Hey, working monkey, where are you?
Mr. Farty, if you fly over Canada and don't use an aeroplane, it takes AGES!!!
Irene. I am working.
There is nothing better than being paid to work at a job which you like AND getting free things. I, very happily, get free books. My flatmate, however, was given a new ipod touch and a $2000 Tag Heuer watch. I'm beginning to think I am employed in the wrong field . . .
The UK has better sweets than the Canada, I'm willing to wager, but Canada wins on space, because the UK has none.
Being a Canadian now living in the UK, I think I might be good at this.
Canada wins on more space, but loses on interesting things per square kilometer. All I can say is: Saskatchewan.
I think the UK might win on attractiveness of people, well at least central London does.
Canada wins in weather for sheer variety and insanity.
And I think Canada would win when they send in the hockey players (but remember, loads of them are Russian, so not sure that counts) AND the bears, cougars, etc. I make fun of Brits for not growing up with a forest full of animals that could kill them if they make a wrong move. They bring up stepping on a hedgehog while tramping through hedgerows, and I laugh at them.
See now, I would disagree with Erin about the attractiveness of people. I lived in Winnipeg for a while, and the women there were the most beautiful of anywhere I've ever been. Just fabulouslooking girls everywhere. Shame the stupid place was so damn cold.
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