I spend quite a lot of time in hotels for two reasons:Reason One: Work
I am a hot-shot advertising strategy planner 'type' who works in Toronto half of the week, and Montreal the other half. As I live in Montreal (ish), when I am working in Toronto I must stay in an hotel.
Luckily, one of our clients owns a string of 'boutique hotels', featuring marble baths enclosed in glass, 102 different varieties of towel, Aveda 'toiletries'*, and a room service menu featuring something described as a Berkshire Pork Tourtière with Glazed Turnips. It really is a home-from-home!
Reason Two: "Le Fun"**
When I am not at home or away working, I live an exciting and luxurious jetset holiday weekend break lifestyle with my 'partner', an acclaimed veterinary research pathologist famous for not only his scientific endeavours (including an attempt to re-introduce the walrus to the St Lawrence river), but also for his ability to cut his own hair and win four episodes of Jeopardy (Quebec version) in a row.
We had some very noisy neighbours in the hotel in which we were staying last weekend, including some modern parents who allowed their child to 'pipe up' regularly (and encouraged him so to do in loud rough voices), and who seemed very much to enjoy blowing their noses very loudly and tooting on red plastic horns. So tiresome were they that when the pathologist idly suggested 'amending' their breakfast order, only then hanging proudly from their door and almost certainly full of ticks on the 'sugary kid snacks' boxes, we gave it serious consideration.
We talked about it quite a lot (pros/cons; would it be funny/wouldn't it be funny; legal/not legal; would the hotel charge them for the kidneys if they couldn't prove they hadn't ordered them, etc), but we didn't do it in the end, partly because we couldn't agree what the most annoying thing would be to add.
Later that afternoon, whilst watching an amateur dog agility competition on ice, we came to a partial conclusion. Here are our results, based on our analysis. Let me know what you think.
Best Single Item To Find Accidentally Included On Your Breakfast Tray
Me: A sausage
Him: A chocolate muffin.
Worst Single Item To Be Accidentally Included On Your Breakfast Tray
Me: Grapefruit juice
Him: TBC.
Please note: for the WORST things, it's not about getting something you don't like; it's something that's fine, that you'll probably eat because it's free. No, it's the disappointment of getting a free thing that, if it were only a tiny bit different, would be something you really liked (e.g. orange juice).
* Surely one of the worst words in the world.
** Quebecois French for "fun"
19 comments:
An orange, for worst things.
It's not that I don't like oranges, it's just that they're such a bugger to peel.
Damn it. I can't play. I don't eat breakfast because although I might technically be "awake" (ie vertical and showing slits of eyes) my innerds don't agree until at least 10. Blast... Oh! I just realized I can play after all!
Best: Neatly folded paper informing me today is somehow a holiday and I can go back to bed.
Worst: breakfast
worst thing - a peanut butter muffin. or, if in england, the daily mail. or a peppermint tea.
best thing - enidd's with you on the sausage. ordered for yourself - impossible. too fatty and calorific and bad. arriving without volition - wonderful. and calorie free, too.
ahoy. Don't miss out on grapefruit juice. Grapefruit has vit c like orange but additionally has tons of antioxidents and naturally cholestrol (sp?) lowering properties! Seriously. Also, just the aroma of grapefruit, which I find very appealing, has been shown in studies to be something of an appetite supressant. (I suppose then, even not drinking it, if it were on one's breakfast tray, one might appreciate it?)
Grapefruit is one of those tastes I hated as a kid, and were it not for the good things I had read about it , would never had tried again and therefore never have discovered that my taste buds had "matured" or whatever into likeing grapefruit.
(hold on. Am I in the wrong blog. oops sorry.)
Loving hearing about your rock and roll spa lifestyle. hmm. Aveda.
grapefruit
*brrrrr... shiver... BLEURGH!!!*
Grapefruit are the spawn of the devil, however if you sprinkle a sparing amount of salt on to there nasty flesh they become palatble, should you ever be in teh position of being forced to eat grapefruit.
This is what Jamaicans do, I was told, but I have no proof that that is what they do.
Ach. Too much time spent with students' work : there -> their.....
Back to the point if you please! I do not want your Grapefruit Views; I wish to know which breakfast foodstuff you would most like to receive 'free of charge' on your hotel tray.
Black pudding
Best thing would be a bottle of Champagne.
Worst thing would be kidneys or any other type of internal organ - bleurgh.
On breakfast tray: well-grilled tomato with that sausage.
Chez moi, le fun a little lacking as have sprained ankle. The gendarme told me to go to the le docteur (not the medecin, as we all learned at school) because I needed "un strapping".
The best thing that you could put on my breakfast tray would be a three egg omelet that has been made very fluffy with a bit of real cream and sprinkled with just a bit of salt.
The worst thing would be a pork sausage, because I boycott pork, but I do really like the taste of it.
Dear Irene, please tell us why you boycott pork, but not eggs.
I know it makes no sense, but so far I feel more sorry for the pigs then I do for the chickens.
It makes sense, but can't you get lovely free-range, organic pork in your neck of the woods? Those happy piggies, living in families in their individual houses on a hill?
I don't know if we can, but if we could we probably couldn't afford to buy it. We do buy eggs from free range chickens. Pigs are very intelligent animals and know when they are about to be slaughtered and that just makes me feel very uncomfortable.I don't eat meat of any kind, by the way, but most specifically not pork. I think how they are housed and transported across Europe is a crime.
I have a friend with the opposite reaction. She's a vegetarian who firmly believes in the Bacon Plant.
Best thing - freshly squeezed orange juice when I was expecting it to be out of a carton. Hang on, that wouldn't be an accident. Sorry. Start again.
Best thing - devilled kidneys.
Worst thing - chocolate muffin. Four months too late.
Sorry. Got distracted by the bleurghfruit.
Best thing would be smoked salmon eggs benedict.
The worst thing would be any organ meats - kidney, liver - eeeew. I'd rather eat grapefruit.
Oh. Sorry.
*offers free small glass of absynth by way of apology for mentioning the bleurghfruit again*
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