Day 529: I Review An Old Email

I am in London until tomorrow morning at 9.45am, whereupon I mount an Air Transat aeroplane and return to Montreal, where I now live in conjugal confusion with a French Canadian veterinary research pathologist*.

In England, the people walk the streets gasping about the cold, but in London it is only -1, and in Montreal it is -17. This means English people are wetsies and Canadians are hard and would probably win in a fight (if they could be bothered).

And in London, the clearing out of my plush one-bedroom Brixton penthouse swankpad continues. In the bottom of a previously-stuck drawer, I find an email dated 3rd June 2003, written ten months before I took a very fucking long sabbatical.


From: NWM

To: Random list of ex-colleagues

Date: 3/6/02 7.48pm

Subject: WELCOME TO NISSAN
______________________________________________

So, we're sitting on the train to Rickmansworth on our way to a Nissan meeting, and Roz suddenly says, "Bloody hell, I heard this story at the weekend, you're not going to believe it". Steve and I look at her and say, "What?". She says, "Well, my mate knows this girl who's got these tiny monkeys, the size of a hamster apparently, and she keeps them in a hamster cage."

"Do they eat tiny bananas?", I say, "like the ones you get from Woolies, you know, made of foam?". Then Steve says, "How do you know they weren't hamsters dressed up in tiny little monkey suits?". Roz says, "Well they weren't, there really ARE tiny monkeys in the world, the size of hamsters."

We think about this for a bit then Steve says, "What about hamsters the size of monkeys?". Then Roz says, "What, eating enormous sunflower seeds?".

Good God.



Happy New Year, one and all!



* Recent events involving a hairdresser-cum-standup comedian with a philosophy degree mean he can no longer be accurately described as 'self haircutting', at least until the fin grows out.