I do not think it is a 'seasonal lull'. That alone cannot account for a near 50% drop in readership in the last three weeks or (to illustrate it in equally tragic, if not numerically different) terms, a 63% drop year-on-year.
I had better write more 'posts', and this time they had better be interesting. I think this is the 'root of the problem', or the 'genesis of the issue'. (I cannot believe that many people have died in the intemperate British winter.)
But I have nothing to write about! I have not had to cut the chewinggum from my ladygarden in recent months; nor have I seen any giant classical cocks. The squirrels are quiet and I have no neighbours to hate, as the nearest one is fifteen miles away.
However, a number of 'topics' spring to mind. Here they are. You can choose which one you would like the most, and then I will write it with my tiny little monkey paws.
1. Who would win in a fight: England or Canada?
2. What I Miss About England
3. What England Seems Like When You Do Not Live There Any More
4. My Favourite Biscuit (and why)
5. What Would I Rather Do: Never Poo Again, Or Never Eat Toast?
I can do all of them if you like, spread out over some time, e.g. up to and including one month. That should do it.
In anticipation of your early reply,
NWM
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35 comments:
I would very much like to read about your favourite biscuit. (I think I have too many favourites to ever be able to pick one definitive biscuit). Do tell!
First! I'm first!
Oh. Never mind.
Yes, all of them, please. Spread out over time.
But #3 first.
I do think that #5 is kind of a digestive Möbius strip, though. If you do not poo, you will have to stop eating toast eventually and if you do not eat toast, you will not need to poo.
Numbers One, Three, and Four, please.
Alas, I've been a lazy reader during the hols. Sorry. I'll try to do better (IOW, rack your hit count back up.)
all
Four. With an extended why, including all relevant "ifs" and "wherefores". Thank you.
I'd go for 2, in the expectation of seeing a newly sentimental NWM, but I suspect no such tendency would be displayed. I will request all of them, please, but 4 first.
Regrettably, I hardly ever poo. Does that mean I should eat more or less toast?
All of them please.
(And I've still been here!)
Biscuits. And could you also please do a survey of different brands of hot chocolate and then come up with the definitive recipe for making it at home. Thank you.
All please.
Seasonal lull of similar proportions for me too, incidentally.
Hello and oops!
That readership drop'll be my fault - I only found your blog during the festering break and I do seem to have the knack of inadvertently causing chaos and/or damage. Frinstances:
Got a houseplant you hate? Give it to me, I'll kill it with kindness and without even trying...
If you see me in a queue at the supermarket checkout, go and find another one: the person in front of me is going to want to pay in groats and halfpennies and will be there arguing with the cashier for an hour...
And I can turn pedestrian crossing lights to red as I approach, no matter how short a time they've been green...
Ditto traffic lghts on the rare occasions I drive anywhere...
So, really, making your visitor figures tumble is a piece of cake, I should imagine. It's not that I mean to, I'm not horrible honest, I'm actually quite nice, I just seem to have this terrible superpower...
Assuming I haven't been banned forthwith, then may I also nominate biscuits? As a Fat Bird[TM] On A Diet, even a virtual biscuit would be better than no biscuit at all.
Or is it Le Cookie in French Canadia?
Runner up would be what you miss about England, although I fear that may be a very short post...
Helen: that is the longest comment I have ever had. I will find time to read it later.
Shelton: that's because people are intimidated by you.
Lisa: OK. Make cocoa, proper cocoa, then add cognac. Simple.
Z: more fruit and vegetables, probably. If you rarely poo, where does the 'waste matter' accumulate and, from there, expel itself? Your ears? I am agog!!
As to the rest of you: I am surprised by the biscuit interest. I will make something up later.
Pip pip!!
Several, in the following order:
3 (I last lived in England at age 6 so I'd like to know what I need to catch up on)
4 which should lead nicely into 2 if 4 is a biscuit one can only get in England
1 although please take into account whether the two countries get to Rock-Paper-Scissors over a. the location and b. the weapon of choice
5 but just to be egalitarian because there's only one thing worse than posts about poo and that's posts about teeth.
Damn. Helen out-worded me? Cheek...
All of them please, I'd read your shopping list and still find moments of pleasure
Have you ever met Dave Shelton?
Sorry...
*shuts up*
CB, you are in love with me, I can feel it.
Helen: never apologise, never explain. That is my advice. Nothing to apologise for anyway; I didn't say it was BAD that it was long, did I?
Anon: No, but I fear I was being ironical, knowing what little I do of him!!!
Megan: yeah sweet, wicked, nice, laters sweet yeah?
The one about poo and toast please. Maybe with a lovely colourful graph or some manner of pie chart.
You said poo.
I am never returning to this blog.
I eat lots of fruit and vegetables, for my son is a greengrocer and they are Free for the Taking. Many are eaten raw with the skins on, though I do peel bananas. I think I digest it all completely, however, for there is little waste to be expelled.
If you have been, thank you for listening.
BISCUITS. And then all the rest of them too. And then lots of other stuff from your strange wizened little monkey head.
Definitely all of them. And that's only partially due to my inability to make a decision.
Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to neglect your blog,I've had the flu!
Damn, I had a suspicion that it would be that. No instant mixes, however posh and ladida on the tin slash packet seem to work.
Didn't we have biscuits before..?
Feint memories of Lincolns
Perhaps a differentiation of Canadia / Englandia parity biscuits would be the order of the day?
2 & 3 & 4 & 5 please. I don't like fighting.
no.3 please, and i read you every day, for i have no life whatsoever.
All of them, but Nº3 first please, as I haven't lived there for 21 years and I think you are just the right person to give me an interim report; I have the feeling you don't have any rose tinted glasses in your reticule.
I subscribe using Google Reader, but I am not technically advanced enough to know if I register on your counter as a daily visitor, or if I cock up the figures if I miss a couple of days here or there.
hello darling....
you must write about canadian ice storms and frozen sheep - there was an article on fi glovers saturday live programme on radio 4 last week where she interviewed a very dull canadian farmer....
lots of love
R x
You're getting 29 comments and you're complaining about readership numbers?? Jeez, now you live in North America, you think everything has to be HUGE!
PS: I like numbers 2 and 4. I want 2 to be satirical and I want 4 to have pictures, preferably with cups of coffee in them. (I realise N. American coffee isn't as pretty or as diverse as Dutch coffee.)
Hey Ms. NWM,
I'm still a fan and I've just nominated you for the 2008 Weblog Awards.
Cheers,
August
Ok, as a Canuck living in England to a Brit living in Canada I'll do a deal. You do posts 1, 2 and 3 and I'll come and read. I'll do the reverse side of the equation.
Boy - no deals necessary. Do as you wish. I shall continue in my own way.
August - thank you very much. I shall not win, as I never win anything.
Ms B - I will bear your comments in mind as I answer all of them, using only photographs of stick men and glue.
Totty - of course.
Bluefluff - scaredycat
Weasel - I have no life either, which is why I rarely update my web-blog, for I have nothing to say.
Everyone else: I am doing all of them, at some point. And I thank you for your repeated affirmation of blog-love.
It's all my fault. I've been a lazy-ass reader of late. (actually I've been reading fark and plime and comparing those sad souls to the amazing jali).
I vow to do much better in the future.
Don't panic. I've just come across your blog, and will mention it on my even less successful blog, thereby shoring up your figures, resulting in a sure fire squib of a flop from here on in. Fear not old chap, help is at hand!
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