Right. Pencils at the ready. Here we go:
1. "I am distraught and destroyed ... I am broken-hearted."
Who said that?
a. Hopalong McCartney Mills
b. The mother of a family lost in the New Orleans floods
c. An idiot off of Big Brother talking about another idiot off of Big Brother.
2. "Introducing the miracle of fusion. The miracle of technology and a unique idea come together to create ..."
What product is being advertised?
a. A nuclear warhead
b. A razor
c. A new type of laser hair removal device.
3. Who is the biggest knobber working in the British media today?
a. Tony Parsons
b. Tony Parsons
c. Tony Parsons
4. Who is this and what, exactly, is the point of her?Please answer in no more than six words, using diagrams if necessary. Calculators are not permitted.
5. Headbands: IN or OUT?
a. In
b. Out
c. Shake it all about.
6. Ugg Boots: IN or OUT?
a. In
b. Out
c. Uggggggg.
7. **INTERACTIVITY ALERT** Which of these five ads do you like the bestest?
Nike: Parklife
Apple: Think Different
Honda: Cog
Honda: Grr
Persil: Penguin
8. Who Would You Rather Sleep With?
You must sleep with one of the following people, or meet your death. Who will it be?
a. Ex-porn star Heather McCartney Mills (inc. leg)
b. Prince Edward
c. The Marquis de Sade
d. Vanessa Feltz
e. James BluntThere are no prizes, except the joy of taking part. Answers will be published at some point if anyone cares. Apologies to Foreign Readers, who may not be aware of the work of Feltz, or indeed Parsons. If this is the case, count yourselves lucky.
Enjoy!, as they say in TGI Friday as they squat next to your table and try and hand you a balloon.
18 comments:
I'm having a very bad day today.But reading this made me laugh so much I feel heaps better.
Thank you.
Sorry but I can't possibly answer any of the questions. Was I supposed to?
Heavens to Betsy no, my dear thing! I am glad you enjoyed it. That is all.
Most excellent quizz, dearest monkey.
On the ads: the Nike is lame - you don't pretend to celebrate the common man by having celebrities play his part, that's pure hypocrisy. the Apple is despicable - putting Dickie Branson and Ted Turner in the same league with Gandhi and MLK, give me a fucking break ! Almost tossed my mac in the bin when I saw that one. The Hondas are pure genius - they almost make me like advertising. Penguin: kids do the darnedest things, eh ? They really should have kid exhibits at the zoo.
James Blunt, because he seems quite clean & you probably wouldn't notice.
The other questions are all too hard.
Except for b) Tony Parsons.
OOOH! I love a quiz.
1. c - has to be.
2. b
3. Mark Lamarr
4. Lindsey Lohan - absolutely no point.
5.c - obviously.
6. Definitely ugggggg
7. I like the cog one the bestest. I want to play.
8. I'd rather die.
Thank you for cheering me up on this very dreary Wednesday.
Wow. I must be bored at work this afternoon as I'm actually going to answer this. Its more interesting than compli-macated IT shennanigans.
1) A : Hopalong at a guess, though how the talentless dirtbag monoped thinks shes got any right is beyond me . . .
2) B : It is indeed a razor. (why do I know this? Getting a bit worried . . . )
3) c : Tony Parsons
4) That is La Lohan. Exists to 'act/perpetuate Disney/Crack
5) C : Shake it all about. No longer being a teenybopper or an asbo in waiting, not really sure on this one . . .
6) C : Incredibly Uggggg bad bad uggg, but I believe the real answer is A, I just don't want it to be.
7) Persil Penguin! I get this stupid look on my face whenever it comes on the telly which is quite confusing to me really but very entertaining to my housemates.
8) The Marquis de Sade. Does that by any chance say alot about me??? (I cannot believe you put Blunt in there. Wrong wrong wrong)
Oh dear, I really was bored, I should have gone home ten minutes ago . . .
J-Boy, most interesting. (In a good way.) When you say Mac, do you mean waterproof overcoat? Do not SNEER AT PERSIL AD. Do Not! Sob.
Beth - sadly, I agree re Blunt, as as long you get TP question right, you are let off the rest.
Jude, you have gone Off Piste with Lamarr, but I have just thought of that rearing cockmonkey who does film reviews - Mark Kermode. Him. He's worse than Parsons. therefore I shall allow Lamarr.
Working Kitten - re. 4/7/8 - I heartily salute your answers and give you a small kiss. (But not Like That.)
Yes! Kermode. The Exorcist. It is all too much to take.
Can we ditch them all into Room 101? Along with Paul Merton???
Mostly (c)s, You are are a tipsy media twat.
Yep. That's me.
I'm quite proud that I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is.
Even knowing that the picture is her, I am still none the wiser as to what she purports to do in this crazy world of ours.
*satisfied nod, in the style of Oliver Hardy*
1 - Has to be pegleg
2 - Razor
3 - Will Self
4 - Lindsay Lohan - none what so ever.
5 - Out in 1977
6 - see above
7 - Honda Cog with Nike Parklife a close second
8 - Death for me thanks unless I can bludgeon Vanessa to death with the Blunt Cunt afterwards
whaddya mean? what's wrong with kermode...? don't you just dig that greasy quiff????????? honestly.
You leave Merton out of this Jude. I love him.
Davenelli - like your thinking on point 8 particularly, sir.
Mikey - yous saids it, man.
Lucretia - you want to touch his quiff with your hands.
Mrs BB - are you suggesting a THREESOME with de Sade and former porn model Heather Mills? I salute you, and Welcome you to this centre of commentatering excellence! Tea? Slice of cake?
Anxious, be very proud, particularly of your nod at the end which made me spit a bit. (I actually weed my pants a bit the other day at a picture of a monkey in a bucket. It came in to my inbox at an inappropriate time. Not a lot, in fact not in any truly significant way, but Enough.)
I'm going to say
1) Hopalong
2)So a razor
3)I'm going to guess Tony Parsons
4) Lindsay Lohan, Professional Cunt
5)Huh?
6)UGGGGGGGGG
7)Sorry, don't have the attention span for this one
8)Going to have to go with the Marquis as the least repulsive.
right well, here we go i guess:
1. i haven't a scooby but i'm going to say Hopalong becasue you seem a bit fixated on her
2.a razor? it is isn't it?
3.erm i think b
4.Lohan skinny silicone breasted wannabe star
5.in. skinny ones not fat ones
6.out. apart from the slipper kind which are IN MY BEDROOM
7.the penguin one!
8.a) heather mills wotsit i think. the others make me feel a bit ill
Are you going to put on a PostCard, Clare?
"I've always wanted to sleep with Prince Edward" ...?
Answers:
1-7. Heather McCartney Mills
8. The Marquis de Sade - He has a nice ruff.
I'm just here for the tea
- I wasn't offered cake!
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