Day 131: I Am Busy

For the first time in 18 weeks, I slightly Under The Kosh! Today, therefore, sees the introduction of a new type of posting, that shall henceforth be named Speed-O-Blog. Ready, steady ...

Monkeymother Is Not Dead

I have passed on your various kind good wishes to MM and Eric after their near-death experience. They are both well and are dry, if not a little battered and bruised. I do not exaggerate when I say that the communication of these various kind wishes to MM via mobile telephonic device was cheering to her.

Cheese

Today I bought A LOT of cheese from this man. He was very nice and likes cheese very much. You must buy cheese from him too. He is in Neal's Yard Dairy at 17 Shorts Gardens, in Covent Garden. There is also a splendid branch in Borough Market. And they sell North Staffordshire Oatcakes too. Heavens!

(They do not sell fucking Oatibix, but they do sell Poilâne bread which is a sensation, even if it does cost £5 for 4 slices. And the site's worth a gander in English due to the Astonishingly Poor Quality of the translation.)

Jobs and that

For the first time in many years, I have found a job that I would very much like to do, which is quite astonishing and not a little confusing.

In addition, for the first time in many weeks, I have not one but two offers of Writing For Money, one of which requires great speed, accuracy, some numbers and the avoidance of Marketing Jargonese. Gasp!


I am Greatly Amused

A Dear Friend tells me of her mother's attempts to arrange a marriage for her via the internet, despite the fact that at 34, she is perfectly able to choose her own "partner". Her mother has written her profile and describes her as "plump, a little stubborn, and smokes". ("Well, it is better to be honest!")

I am reminded of a previous post.

I Wrestle With Sitemeter (only interesting to those with the web-log, and even then not that interesting)

Site Meter has decided I don't exist, and decided this fact some time last week. I am now using Activemeter, which has a number of terrifyingly detailed stats that I do not understand, but still registers in a vague sort of way the unfortunate information "NUMBER OF SITE VISITS: 2". It can also tell me the location and IP addresses of my visitors, how they found the site and other such nonsense. But all of these things seem superfluous and Strange, and I have no need for them. I have a particular lack of need for the "ROI on marketing investment" bit, as I do not, and never will, carry advertising. So there. (Unless they give me a lot of money and the ads are really fucking good.)

But it seems to be Better than Site Meter, and is certainly much prettier. It also acknowledges that I exist, unlike ...

BT Broadband Hub

... who told me (from India, after an hour) that I do not exist. I face existential crisis after existential crisis. Site Meter, Royal Bank of Scotland Mortgage Centre and now BT! British Gas at least know I exist, for they came round three times last week to read my meter.

I am as yet unclear about the benefits of Wireless Internet in one's own tiny Brixton apartment, as it is unlikely that I will want to send electronic mail from the cellar, although it works down there. I have checked. It is however useful for Guests who are Staying with their Computers, I suppose, as I find it useful when I Travel with my computer and need to check that I Exist.


Adwatch

Marks and Spencer. You should be ashamed of yourselves, with your Bond/Superman crossover Christmas extravaganza. It is rubbish, over-produced, has no idea in it, and does not bear repeat viewing as it is charmless, badly acted, poorly executed, and irritating. I will not link to it, as it exhausts me and I can't bear to see it again.

Productwatch

Sweet Jesus! The fun to be had with Yahoo! Answers. It works like this. You have a question. You type it in. Then people from all over the world answer.

I Am Going On Holiday

Not one, but two! This weekend to the Country, involving cheese, horses, a distinct lack of inflatable cocks, Special Lasagne (tip: cook the mince in milk; include chicken livers), and my best friend's wedding.

Next Friday, to Canada. The latter involves long-distance travel, something that I have not undertaken since 2004. More accurately, I have not flown in the Economy Class since 1988, when I went to New York on Air India. (NB: this is not a Flash Statement; I used to travel for work and have only ever been on holiday in the Europe since. Sad, but true.) I am Enormously Excited about both.

My New Favourite Site

This is astonishing.

Cockwatch

I was skipping down Brixton Hill today and cast my eyes cautiously to the left. And what did I see? The Classical Statue has had his Modesty covered by a straw hat!