Monkeymother telephones from France. She is with the great love of one of my dearest friends, a handsome French architect called Eric (also a dear friend). He is making a part of the monkeyparents' house in France nicer than the rest, so they have gone to the France for a few days to look at concrete floors.
I assume she has called to say they have arrived safely, but no! Anything but!
"Have you heard what happened?"
"No, Monkeymother."
"One minute I was reversing, and the next minute we were upside down in a river."
Before I start, I should say that everyone in my family is an excellent driver apart from me. If accidents happen, which they never do, they are to do with the foolishness of horses bolting out of Hyde Park and rolling across the roof of my father's Triumph Herald some time in the late 70s, not spazzy driving. This simple fact makes the following story all the more remarkable.
It seems that MM had been to view a concrete floor in a house in France, with Eric, in the pouring rain, in the dark. In a fugged up rental car with poor visibility (due to Internal Fug created by a combination of breathing and heating and Torrential Rain), MM reverses a millimetre too far and suddenly finds herself (and Eric) sliding down a bank in a rental car which FLIPS OVER and lands ON ITS ROOF in the river. Eric and MM are dangling from the sky in their seatbelts. Water is pouring in. MM cannot open her door, for it is crushed! Will they live? Will MM meet her maker hanging upside down in a seatbelt? Will Eric live to design great houses for the rich and famous?
YES! For Eric's door opens! MM is afraid that the water will run in and drown them, but Eric valiantly FORCES his door open, releases himself from his seatbelt, wades through the cascading torrents and releases MM from her seatbelttrap. They then stand in the river and laugh.
They scramble up the bank. MM realises her bag is still in the car. Eric valiantly wades back through the cascading torrents, and salvages MM's bag and their suitcases. As they stagger through the pouring rain to the owner of the concrete floor, MM's waterlogged skirt falls off.
They get to the front door of the owner of the concrete floor. MM has pulled her skirts up. But what is this? MM has realised that the key to her house in France is still in the car! How will they get in? Will they ever be dry again?
YES! For the owner of the concrete floor dons a pair of Wellington boots and makes his way down the bank and to the car, where - strangely - the key and some Euros are floating mysteriously in a plastic bag on the surface of the raging rivière. They are SAVED!
MM reports that she and Eric are now in clean clothes (Eric is wearing Monkeyfather's, poor dear). They are sitting by the fire eating foie gras, and will soon be drinking the wine. Eric's shoes are stuffed with newspaper, and MM's computer is drying out by the radiator. They are safe!
The car, meanwhile, is still upside down in the river and will be there until morning.
Bon dieu!
I assume she has called to say they have arrived safely, but no! Anything but!
"Have you heard what happened?"
"No, Monkeymother."
"One minute I was reversing, and the next minute we were upside down in a river."
Before I start, I should say that everyone in my family is an excellent driver apart from me. If accidents happen, which they never do, they are to do with the foolishness of horses bolting out of Hyde Park and rolling across the roof of my father's Triumph Herald some time in the late 70s, not spazzy driving. This simple fact makes the following story all the more remarkable.
It seems that MM had been to view a concrete floor in a house in France, with Eric, in the pouring rain, in the dark. In a fugged up rental car with poor visibility (due to Internal Fug created by a combination of breathing and heating and Torrential Rain), MM reverses a millimetre too far and suddenly finds herself (and Eric) sliding down a bank in a rental car which FLIPS OVER and lands ON ITS ROOF in the river. Eric and MM are dangling from the sky in their seatbelts. Water is pouring in. MM cannot open her door, for it is crushed! Will they live? Will MM meet her maker hanging upside down in a seatbelt? Will Eric live to design great houses for the rich and famous?
YES! For Eric's door opens! MM is afraid that the water will run in and drown them, but Eric valiantly FORCES his door open, releases himself from his seatbelt, wades through the cascading torrents and releases MM from her seatbelttrap. They then stand in the river and laugh.
They scramble up the bank. MM realises her bag is still in the car. Eric valiantly wades back through the cascading torrents, and salvages MM's bag and their suitcases. As they stagger through the pouring rain to the owner of the concrete floor, MM's waterlogged skirt falls off.
They get to the front door of the owner of the concrete floor. MM has pulled her skirts up. But what is this? MM has realised that the key to her house in France is still in the car! How will they get in? Will they ever be dry again?
YES! For the owner of the concrete floor dons a pair of Wellington boots and makes his way down the bank and to the car, where - strangely - the key and some Euros are floating mysteriously in a plastic bag on the surface of the raging rivière. They are SAVED!
MM reports that she and Eric are now in clean clothes (Eric is wearing Monkeyfather's, poor dear). They are sitting by the fire eating foie gras, and will soon be drinking the wine. Eric's shoes are stuffed with newspaper, and MM's computer is drying out by the radiator. They are safe!
The car, meanwhile, is still upside down in the river and will be there until morning.
Bon dieu!
18 comments:
Only in France would one have foie gras and wine after a traumatic event like that. Americans would go straight for the bourbon. So glad MM and Eric are all right and all of the suitcases, the purse and the key were rescued. Don't they have those devices like they sell here-a hammer/chisel thing to keep in glove box that will break car windows when and if car goes underwater?
Holey Toledo Batman!
that's scarey..I'm not sure i'd be as brave as your mother.
I fear water. I would have drowned. How brave of MM.
if this blog lacked anything, it was an element of nail-biting life or death drama. now you've cleared that up, a movie adaptation can only be weeks away...
S.U.R.R.E.A.L. So glad that MM and Eric are unhurt.
...in the meantime Monkeyfather cancels trip to Cape Town (24C/75F, blue skys and bright sun, or is that clever son?) to catch next flight to France to console and support MM...medals and rosettes via NWM if you per-lease...more tomorrow...dum der dum dum, duuum...
Et ben, dis-donc!
How terrifying - how deep was the water?
Jee-zuz! Ex-citing! Hope MM isn't too traumatised by her experience. Best get her behind the wheel again asap before she loses her nerve...well, after getting the car out of the river and the river out of the car.
Agree with Mikey on this one, sell the film rights to the highest bidder.
bloody hell. i second (or third) mikey.
glad they're all right.
golly. as my grandmother would have said in pure understatement.
Blimey. Dunno bout the foie gras, but if that had been me I'd have been straight on the wine too.
A lucky escape!
I think the title of this post alone deserves and award.
Goodness. Why do bad things happen to good monkeymothers? Well Almost bad things at any rate. Cheers for the magnificent Frenchman. Jeers for the evil river
I will say this only once, "Formidable M. Brave Architect and MM!"
Could have been very nasty indeed. So glad they are both safe and toasty. I'd reach for the Calvados.
We broke down once in France, during a World Cup and the nearest house gave us lunch and their own home grown vintage, and put my son in front of the TV for a match with a huge heap of fresh strawberries while we waited for the break down camion. Very nice folk indeed the French I find.
To have les bottes wellingtonnes available at such a time of crisis? That man is a hero.
Good thing monkeys are accustomed to hanging from things. Might Eric be part monkey do you think?
Salut, tout le monde. Have told dear MM and Eric about kind words and also very funny comments. Forgive if am not replying to each and every one - I am pretty sure she will like reading them (and correct the bits that I've left out and/or got wrong) when she gets back at the weekend.
The river was not that deep but it was dark, and raining hard. And they were a bit Shocked.
Thanks and that.
xx
Good God. Glad wetness was the main injury. Will be interested to hear how car rental company handles this.
Another bottle of wine all round seems called for.
Thank you for kind thoughts, etc. All this is true exept no fug-up, as even funny French cars have aircon in these modern times.
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