I do some Easter baking

I am not religious, although sometimes I have a sharp desire to go to a non-fluffy, guitar-free Church of England service (the Advent Parade at York Minster, for e.g.).  I do however like to celebrate the Baby Jesus (dead, alive, about to rise or risen) by baking: I like the stories that are in all the cakes and buns; the spices and the fruits and the ancient-ness of it all.

There was nothing particularly mystical about my hot cross buns, apart from the fact that they tasted ancient about 10 minutes after coming out of the oven. They were lukewarm and faintly irritated rather than hot and cross, and are destined to become the bread in a bread and butter pudding. (If you have never made them and wondered what that white stuff is that makes the cross, it is - most of the time - just flour and water.)  Here is a picture:

I was also grasped by a desperate desire to make a Simnel Cake, but couldn't find the bottom of my 20ins cake tin. Instead, I made these Simnel Cakelets (O how I hate that stupid "...lets" thing)  out of the Guardian, ignored the icing/marzipan animals/chocolate eggs thing and stole the marzipan balls thing off the original Simnel Cake recipe. Result: we have 11 small cakes to take chez the mother-in-law tomorrow.  (There were 12, but we ate Judas Iscariot.) Here they are:

It only remains for me to wish you a delightful long weekend, whether or not you will be exposed to marzipan balls.

Pip "Saffron in that?" Pip

NWM

I try to find a cleaning lady (or man)

I have just written the following email:  

"Our apt is like a dust bowl with 100 year old floorboards in which animals live. No joke. Husband put on shoes, went to work, was in car, thought O my shoe is a bit uncomfortable, took off his shoe, put it on the seat next to him and a mouse popped out. (He set it free.) Anyway I was looking for a cleaner and one of them used the attached picture to advertise her services. Basically if I hire her I get to wear a turban and get massaged by a cat. Massive WIN."

In other news, my series of Royal Looky-Likeys is going pretty well, even though I only have one. Here it is:

Cat in Melon Hat

HRH Queen Elizabeth II at the investiture of the Prince of Wales

Pip "That 11am start date isn't much use to the peoples of the Commonwealth on GMT -5!!" Pip

NWM

I will (officially) exist again some time after 8.15am next Thursday

I am ready for my questions. Here are the answers. You can play Jeopardy with them:

1. Ontario, Quebec, Newfoundland & Labrador, Prince Edward Island, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Alberta, British Columbia, Novia Scotia and New Brunswick (which I always forget). 
2. Northwest Territories, Nunavut, Yukon.
3. Michael Ignatieff!! Ha ha ha ha
4. 75%
5. 26,500,000 litres.
6. Constitution Act, 1967
7. Stephen Harper's massive crusted head-wig
8. Maman Dion
9. Joni Mitchell
10. Neil Young
11. Rush 
12. Bicameral.

Coming soon: I work and travel like a normal person. 

I am on the train again

This time, a lady of around my age (i.e. 41) is chewing gum with her mouth open. I am at least 15 feet away, but I can hear her every chew. I have a strong urge to set fire to her handbag.

I write a shopping list

I am weeks - if not days - from being "landed" by the Canadian government. When I am landed, I can explain what I have been doing these last few months; until then, you will have to do with shopping lists emailed from a covert location in the old bit of Montreal.

Things that I need from the shop to cook with:

• Low fat beef mince or turkey mince
• Gay buns
• Salady shit
• Sweet potato shit
• Greek yoghurt shit
• A lot of stewing steak not in a piece in chunks
• Pancetta in a cubetti
• Carrots in a bag
• Cheap red wine like tramps drink
• An orange
• The lady of echalottes, in a bag
• Tin of tomatoes, oh yeah
• Beetroot, ready cooked ok, 200g
• 2 packets cooking choc, for me, I need 250g
• Eggies in a box
• Baking powder
• Sugar I need a bag of it
• What about some apples, let’s have some of them
• And some pears in a tin.

Delicious.