I share with you a video of a baby laughing at paper being torn up, and a video of a dancing grandpa

Watch these. They will make you happy inside.  (And maybe outside too.)

I have been struggling

Normally, when I do one my world-famous (amongst readers of this web-blog) 'caption competitions', the winner announces itself to me without any effort on my behalf. This time, however, I have really had to 'have a think' (whilst watching back-to-back episodes of "Come Dine With Me" and eating biscuits).

Finally, however, I have come to a conclusion, and am happy to announce the winner: a "Mr Poopyhead", with the following excellently sweary caption:

"You put that fucking ribbon one inch closer to me, and I'll let out the mother of all shits right here on this table - you two motherfuckers feel me?"

We also have two runners-up, who were only narrowly beaten by the idea of a dog using the expression "you two motherfuckers feel me?".

In alphabetical order, the runners up are:

 Andy:

"Unfortunately, Celia's puppies were far from best in group". 

And Tea and Cake:

"Leave it lady, leave it."

Very strong work, all of you.

Pip "gong" Pip

NWM

I am on a train

Technology is a miracle, for armed only with an iPhone and a cellular network, I am able to inform you live and in real time (from the grimy caress of a not-yet moving train) that, for the third time in 9 months, I am in the same carriage as a man cutting his toenails.

I am back from the weekend

Hullo I am back. I have been in a cabin in the woods all weekend communicating with nature.

What it did not have:

- a connection to the water main, ergo
- a loo that flushed (instead, my monkeyparts were refreshed by external breezes)
- a shower, etc
- the internet
- a telephone

None of these mattered one jot.

What it did have:

- electricity
- a massive wood-burning stove
- many old magazines
- Leonard Cohen (not in person obv)
- excellent friends down a track ("...and then a WEASEL popped out of the La-Z-Boy!")

Here are some photosnaps:

The cabin. Many people think all of Canadia looks like this. They are (very) slightly correct.

Detail of the print on a single pillowcase. Skating 
cats! I ask you. I dream of it.

Gaping Bavarian shaving mug. Terrifying. $35. I did not buy it.

"Deceptively Simple", priced at a deceptively optimistic $695

You couldn't make it up. 

The famous prehistoric stone circle of the Cantons de L'Est 

Do you know what this is?  We thought it was a propeller. It is not a wing, we don't think. 

It was, 'ow you say, "awesome".  Yesterday, we went to Abercorn, bought delicious bread and had lunch with our excellent friends and some people we had not met before, but liked very much. They had dogs. I like dogs. (I will be writing more about this in the week; if we do not get a dog soon I may die soon, on the floor, in a heap.)

In other news, I will wait until tomorrow to announce the winner of Friday's Caption Competition.  In other words, it is not too late to be a "have-a-go-hero" yourself. 

Pip "Last chance saloon" pip!

NWM

UPDATE:  My friend and conspirator Asta IMMEDIATELY spotted that the thing is the blade of a wind turbine. I am not joking when I say it is fucking massive. Massive.  I was scared, but then I have a thing about a) crustaceans with antennae and wavy legs; b) gigantic industrial machinery/constructions. 

I run another caption competition (of sorts)

You may write a caption if you wish for that, as I know only too well, is a "formatte" you know and love already.   But really, I wish to know what it is that the dog has just said and/or done.  Come on. You know you can do it. 

As ever, there is a prize, but it is not a prize of a thing; it is simply the reward of knowing you are judged as "the beste" by me, NWM, arbiter of style and highly-qualified judge of what is and isn't funny. 

OK here goes.

Winners announced next Monday evening (EST).  I will be freshly relaxed from a weekend in a shack without internet or hot running water but WITH gigantic sauna, wine and people we like.

Good luck!!!

Pip "Man o' the Woods" Pip

NWM

P.S. Read this blog called Colonel Knowledge.