I show you a short video film of a monkey washing a cat

May your weekends also be soapy, and accompanied by a similar soundtrack. 

I love you all. 

NWM

I post a picture of my cat

I have given up on my attempts to attract a literary agent using photographs of cats, but that is not to say that I am not keen to exploit one of the two cats with whom I share my home (and fleas) for the purposes of comedy, particularly when she (Corndog) is old, fat and prone to watching television.

Here is Corndog:

"What was she watching? We cannot bear the suspense any longer, etc!".  It is OK. I can hear your enthusiastic cries. Yes, loyal readers and/or fans, Corndog was watching - no word of a lie -  The Vanilla Ice Project.*  (I urge you to click on the link. You will not regret it for one second, and you will almost certainly find yourself making a face very much like Corndog's.)

Pip "Ice Ice Baby" Pip

NWM

Coming soon: I suggest a new format for Come Dine With Me, featuring blind people and helper monkeys

Disclaimer: if you are already wisely following me on Twitter, I cannot hide the fact that I am enthusiastically recycling informations, photographs etc. Still, not much is happening and I need all the help I can get

I announce a winner

Regular readers will be aware that I recently offered up caption competition.  In the photograph, Michael Douglas - with a tiny shrunken head - gurned from behind the gorged fizzogs of Ms Catherine "Shirley" Zeta-Jones and Ms Angelina "She's So" Jolie, creating an image, if ever there was one, that could never be complete without a caption supplied by my adoring readers and/or fans.

As usual, the quality (and number!) of entrants was high, reminding me - yet again - that the vast majority of my regular readers and/or fans are of above-average intelligence, and have faces.   You may read the various entries for yourself in the comments box below the original post. You may disagree with my choice, but I suspect you will not. 

The winner is Xtreme English, and here is her caption: 

oboy! i'm not dead yet!!

What's not to like?

Pip pip!

NWM

I run another caption competition

Regular readers will be aware that I am fond of caption competitions. This year, I intend to continue my fondness and I therefore I offer you, as a special January treat, this photograph of Michael Douglas; as you can see, it it is simply screaming out for a caption:

I look forward to receiving your 'entries' which should, as ever, be 'inserted' in the comments box below.  There is, as ever, no prize; just the knowledge that you are, for that glancing second, the funniest person I know.

Good luck!

Pip pip

NWM

Sensational

Look at this. Illustrated tweets. Link to the Irkafirka site here ("Anything you say may be taken down and coloured in"); follow 'em here; example here:

Brilliant.