I write my shopping list

Regular readers will by now be aware that I am "passing through" London town on the way to Amsterdam later this week. I fly at 7.50pm on Friday night (on bloody Air Canada) and arrive early on Saturday morning; from Gatwick, I will take a train to Victoria and from there a taxicab to an air conditioning factory in Kennington where I will be staying in an unheated faux-medieval guest turret.*

I am not in London for long, and will be pausing only to go to the shops and to see, with the pathologist, 2 - 35 (depending on turnout) friends on the way back the following Friday. It will be excellent, and we will drink beers. I am sure of it.

In preparation, I have drawn up a shopping list. It is made of things that I cannot buy in Canada and that I feel the lack of. Here goes:

1. Hula-Hoops. The mighty, mighty Hula-Hoop. Plain, mind.
2. PG Tips teabags.
3. Bendick's Bittermints. The prince of all confections.
4. Muji pens.
5. Interesting and/or well-cut clothes.
6. The Mumford & Sons long-player.
7. A decent fucking newspaper.
8. Marks and Spencer BodyShaper tights

Otherwise, I shall just stand inside the front doors of Peter Jones and weep quietly for what I have lost; I shall not enter the doors of Liberty; I will go past on the bus eating an M&S prawn mayonnaise sandwich and I will not stop at Habitat or Heal's; I will not think about Andrew Edmunds; I will not think about London cabs or always being able to watch good telly and find a good newspaper to read; I will not think about driving across Westminster Bridge or Borough Market or any of those things. No. I will not.

In other news, I have just been sent this:



By the magnificent Dame Emma. "Sting's home turf, obvs", she writes in the comment box below. Yes. I edited this post to include that photograph. THAT is how much I love it.

* Actually and literally brilliant, despite the use of the words 'unheated' and 'faux'

I offer you another hypothetical fight

This time, with pictures only; you may write your answer in the comments box. (I have decided that poll mechanisms are very early-February 2010.)
















































You may also like to spend a few minutes wondering what would happen if Mr Clean got in a fight with Mr Muscle.

Up to you. As you wish.

I know who would win in a fight

No suprises, fans: after yesterday's breathtakingly exciting series of polls, we have some answers that merely confirm what we already know to be true, namely that Sting is a twat and that cake is important.

1. Who would win in a fight: KitKat or Crunchie?

Crunchie wins simply because, I imagine, and as my Belgian friend suggests, Crunchies are harder. (I do not know what would happen if you put Crunchie up against a catering pack of Bendicks Bittermints, however.)

2. What's better, peas or carrots?

As of today (Sunday 7th February, 4.37pm Montreal time), peas have a slight lead over carrots. Someone has, however, ticked the 'other' box without specifying which vegetable they believe is better than both the mighty pea and the magnificent carrot. Strange.

3. Who is the biggest bellend?

Obviously, Sting wins by a clear and healthy margin. But again, there have been three votes for 'other', without any names being given. Mysterious.

4. Gerbils or Hamsters?

Clear win by the mighty hamster, but a beffudling number of votes for 'other' - other rodents? Other biscuits? Who can tell.

5. Who's your favourite, me or the cat?

Happily, I win, but 'the cat' and 'other' get enough votes for me to think my popularity is on the wane. A concern.

6. More likely to effect the world's socio-economic health

Worryingly, you, my loyal readers and fans, clearly believe that 'no cake' would have a more detrimental effect on the world's socio-ecomic health than 'no tractors'. What you may not have realised is that without tractors, it would be a lot more difficult to get cakes. Not impossible, but more difficult. Food for thought!

Coming soon: I consider the source of my indigestion.

Pip pip!

NWM

PS you may enjoy Sexy Execs. I know I did.

Our playlist is complete

Yes my friends, after many weeks of submissions and 'online conversations' between me (i.e., Non-workingmonkey) and you (i.e, you, my adoring and loyal fans and readers), we now have our playlist!!!

Not all the songs submitted are on it, which does not mean that I do not like them (although that is true of some of them); it simply means that I could not make sense of them as part of the overall oeuvre.

To listen, click on the big orange round button. You can't download it, because that would be illegal. I think.



A particular "huzzah" to Vikki who sent in Mumford & Sons. I love them with a hot white passion (not in a dirty way) but cannot currently find their long-player in the shops in Canada; nor is it yet available on the Canadian iTunes. I shall have to wait until I am in Blighty, which is where I will be next week for a bit before I go to Amsterdam. It is too too much.

Pip pip!

NWM

NB: It is 5.22pm Montreal time and what I am seeing above is not the playlist I have just updated. I think it takes a spot of time to 'sych up' or similar. Oh yes.

I wonder who would win in a fight

I like lists, and I like to put things in order via the method of 'the question'. But only things that are not important.

For e.g., "Who do you like more, me or the cat?", or "Rank your Top 5 vegetables" (mine are: 1. Peas; 2. thin green beans; 3. carrots; 4. potatoes; 5. beetroot), or better, "What do you think would cause more problems in the world, no cake or no tractors?". The winters are long in Canada, and I only have two books left.

In that vein, may I welcome you into the weekend with some 'brain teasers' of my own!!!













Who said the age of interactivity was dead? Not me, that's for sure!!!

Pip pip

NWM