Day 515: I Am Amused By A Search Result

I am back in Blighty for the 'festivities' and have nothing to say on the subject (yet). In the meantime, I was very pleased to see that one lucky punter found my web-blog via the following means:






What a thing it must be, this squirrel!

Day 513: I Offer My Readers A Christmas Quiz

Everyone normal thinks Sting is a cock, but do not let that put you off playing my one-off special Christmas quiz, which involves thinking a bit about whether you would rather read a book with Sting in it or let Prince Edward paw at your ladygarden (and/or manstick).

OK. Here we go with the quiz. It is really great. What you have to imagine is that you are looking at the display of 'literature' I will now show you in a photograph. (It is a display I saw earlier this afternoon in Indigo on Ste-Catherine, just behind the piss-poor CD section).


















I will give you some time to stop being sick in your own mouth at the mere thought of Sting, and then I will ask you to consider the other 'works' in the display and answer a simple question:

Which would you rather do?

1. Own a book of Sting's lyrics because you think he's good;

2. Own a book with Ronnie Wood doing embarrassing mock-shadow boxing on the front in the style of a twat;

3. Accept the very existence of a book called "Still Takin' Care Of Business - The Randy Backman Story" ;

4. Stick sharp sticks in your eyes;

5. Get an 'intimate nudging' off of the Princely mace.





If you are in any doubt, I am able to help you with your decision. Simply read this, or just have a quick squizz at this:

Day 512: I Am Going To Fucking Die

I am in my study and this is what I can see out of the window, i.e. not much, because it has been snowing for hours and hours and it is never going to stop.






















In England a state of national emergency would have been declared, inc. the Queen on the BBC wearing a bobble hat and asking people not to panic. Here (i.e. Canadia, where I am), they talk about blizzards, yes, but not in a dramatic way; they just suggest driving a bit more carefully and thinking twice before travelling.

I predict that it is only a matter of days before they put on the central heating and accept that it might be time to wear a winter coat, but by then it will be too late. I will be dead, frozen with my hand hovering over the 'Delete this blog' button.

Day 512: I Am A Really Good Cook

I know this because things smile when I cook them. They consider it a privilege to die in my pan. I have seen them smiling as they fry with my very own eyes.

I have proof, photographic proof. Look:

Day 509: I Finish My Christmas Shopping

I have just seen this advertisement on the television and I am decided: for the gentlemen, one of these, so that they may touch me in an intimate style (unless we are blood relatives); for the ladies, another product I have just this second seen advertised on the CBC - The Mandle Candle:



No, I do not who (or what) mandle is (or was) either.

For the idiots I know (i.e. my brother, Runningmonkey, and my 'web friends'), a ram that you smear with liquid plop in order to encourage the growth of its luxurious coat of grass:



And do not that I have forgotten you, dear reader(s), for if you are a regular (i.e. you 'check in' up to and including fifty times a day) reader of this web-blog, you will be 'receiving a gift' from me from this 'premium store' as a little thank you for your ongoing loyalty in 2007.* You know you want it!










Happy days!




* Not really. My blog is gift enough.