Regular readers will be aware of my last foray into wedding porn, from which I emerged slightly soiled and confused. Time has passed; our own wedding date approaches. It is not causing too much trouble, as we are untroubled by the things that trouble other people (calligraphy, wedding invitations that involve at least 3 envelopes, matching bridesmaids, etc); for example, in the last 24 hours we have arranged the entire thing, including a banjo player in a cardboard boat (complete with fishing rod and inflatable fish) who has been booked to play "Besame Mucho" whilst our adoring friends and family suck from 2 pint buckets of neat gin. (We shall position him in the over-wrought fireplace of the 'venooo' and he will look as if he is rowing out of it. It will be brilliant.)
Meanwhile, the wedding ladies in the "Blog O'Sphere", as I believe it is called, keep going with their parasols and identically-posed photographs. If you want to, you can order 25 sugar lumps, each one iced with a decoration of your choice, for $100. If you are having a fashionable wedding, you may well have 'succulents' in your wedding flowers; if you do not do that, you will use Mason jars for everything, including candles, glasses, flowers, 'wedding favors' and, unaccountably, place cards.*
And if you are not using Mason jars, you will probably be using blackboards (or "chalkboards", as they are called in Great Britain). You will use these chalkboards for everything, including directions to your venooo, cake labels, place labels or Mason jar labels. Mason jars and chalkboards. Chalkboards and mason jars. Me, I just want there to be enough beverages. But still. If anyone looking for genuine wedding porn has got this far, I will direct you to one place and one place only: the Victoria and Albert Museum, who have had the brilliant idea of building a kind of online archive of wedding photographs through the ages. It is quite brilliant: hilarious and strangely moving. And, if you can't get away from Mason jars, chalkboards and the need to spend over $1,000 on 50 Letterpress wedding invitation 'suites', really rather inspiring.
* Old jars have always looked pretty with candles and flowers in them, but now it is a "trend", so we must take it very seriously.
