Regular readers will be aware of my last foray into wedding porn, from which I emerged slightly soiled and confused. Time has passed; our own wedding date approaches. It is not causing too much trouble, as we are untroubled by the things that trouble other people (calligraphy, wedding invitations that involve at least 3 envelopes, matching bridesmaids, etc); for example, in the last 24 hours we have arranged the entire thing, including a banjo player in a cardboard boat (complete with fishing rod and inflatable fish) who has been booked to play "Besame Mucho" whilst our adoring friends and family suck from 2 pint buckets of neat gin. (We shall position him in the over-wrought fireplace of the 'venooo' and he will look as if he is rowing out of it. It will be brilliant.)
Meanwhile, the wedding ladies in the "Blog O'Sphere", as I believe it is called, keep going with their parasols and identically-posed photographs. If you want to, you can order 25 sugar lumps, each one iced with a decoration of your choice, for $100. If you are having a fashionable wedding, you may well have 'succulents' in your wedding flowers; if you do not do that, you will use Mason jars for everything, including candles, glasses, flowers, 'wedding favors' and, unaccountably, place cards.*
And if you are not using Mason jars, you will probably be using blackboards (or "chalkboards", as they are called in Great Britain). You will use these chalkboards for everything, including directions to your venooo, cake labels, place labels or Mason jar labels. Mason jars and chalkboards. Chalkboards and mason jars. Me, I just want there to be enough beverages. But still. If anyone looking for genuine wedding porn has got this far, I will direct you to one place and one place only: the Victoria and Albert Museum, who have had the brilliant idea of building a kind of online archive of wedding photographs through the ages. It is quite brilliant: hilarious and strangely moving. And, if you can't get away from Mason jars, chalkboards and the need to spend over $1,000 on 50 Letterpress wedding invitation 'suites', really rather inspiring.
* Old jars have always looked pretty with candles and flowers in them, but now it is a "trend", so we must take it very seriously.
8 comments:
dang, where is my trendy wedding picture? guess they didn't think levi's and an orange tee shirt were chic enough......oh sigh!
at least you were wearing clothes. that is not our plan. I haven't told anyone yet.
I thought you meant that you and your guests were going to be drinking out of Mason jars. That wouldn't be very genteel or practical as the absinthe would dribble down your chin and be wasted.
That last bride, while lovely, looks a little as though she just realized she is indeed marrying the nudist fellow on the post card.
Speaking of, if you're truly going what I suggest you pitch as 'organically un-clad' I assume the wedding will be in the summer as otherwise the monkey bits would freeze and that would be unfortunate.
sweet lord, the foolishness of the whole wedding industry leaves me shellshocked.
the organza-wrapped army of foolish young things spending their (or worse, their parents') money on mason jars, calligraphy, harpists, shiatsu masseuses for their out-of-town guests, monogrammed organic silk socks for the groomsmen, ring-carrying baby rhinoceroses..seses, butterfly gardens and chic chartreuse shoes.
so glad mine's over and so glad i did it my way.
What fun! We were married by a tiny tiny Chinese justice of the peace who identified himself as a former minister to the Court of Saint James and told us to draw our strength from the rugged hills of New England.
what if you don't live anywhere near new england? will any rugged hills do? what if you live in the flat flat prairies? good lord! my marriage might be in danger of flatlining!
Weddings, weddings. I suppose at the end of it you must do what makes you happy and not sneer too much at other people. (I don't want to spend $1,000 on a wedding cake because I think it's a waste of money and I like plain cake you can eat, but if someone wants to save up to buy a cake in the shape of a cinderella carriage, that's their business). And if it's not money, if someone want to spend every weekend making mini-replicas of the Eiffel tower out of matches to hold each individual place card, then that's up to them - if that's what they want to do.
What I'm alarmed by is not the crazy waste of money, but by the fact that everyone seems to do the same thing, and it seems to be impossibly complicated and full of expense and attention to detail that no-one will notice.
But what do I know. Do what you want to do, and don't feel that you HAVE to do anything. That's it I think.
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