Because I have nothing to do, and because there is less to do when you have nothing to do in Montreal (scene of this round of non-working) than there is in London (scene of the last round of non-working), I am constructing an 'About' page. Fuelled less by a belief that I am universally fascinating than it is by a need to fill the days, the "About" page will be constructed around questions submitted by you, my adoring readers and/or fans.
Here we go. I am answering them all, in order. (Although I may not answer them all in this post.)
Welshbird asks: "I would like to know what sort of animal you would choose to have for a servant at Monkey Towers, and why."
A beaver, because:
1. I have never seen one in the flesh and I long to;
2. They are industrious, hard-working, resilient and (as far as I am aware) not unionised;
3. They will work for wood. I have a great deal of wood, but no money.
Alison Cross asks a great many questions:
How you arrived at the NWM concept
I won't take this as meaning "why did you call the blog Non-workingmonkey?". I will instead take it as meaning "what is the idea of non-workingness?". The original definition is here; it is time for a tiny update, but "In essence, it is the strong desire to do very little (unless it's something you really like doing) and be answerable to no-one, whilst understanding that working is necessary in order to get money, which we need to live." (I have just been sick in my mouth, for I have just quoted myself. That is the kind of thing Sting would do.)
How you met the vet
He was reading my old blog, then started reading this one. Then we met. There is a longer and better story around this that I have never told. I'm not sure why. There is a hint of it here.
What biscuit you would most like to be and why?
Ginger nut. Look more boring than they are.
Where is Welshbird's badge?
Icelandic airspace.
Can I get a badge?
Yes, you can. I have received your email. It will be posted on Monday, so you should have it by Christmas.
What did you do before you were nwm?
Before, during and after being NWM, when I work I do advertising and marketing-type things. When I'm doing what I'm supposed to, I do things that involve my brain, which I enjoy very much.
Elana writes:
Dear nwm,
I would like to know how come Canadians cannot speak more like Brits. We are part of the commonwealth afterall. I would like to know how to sneak in the word, irate for example in everyday conversation. Please advise.
Fondly,
e
Dear e,
It is quite simple. All you need to do is replace the world "while" with "whilst" once in a while, and everyone will think you are English.
With love
NWM
Katyboo asks a good question:
Why fez? Do not get me wrong. I am a fez fan, but I fear for its stability. Do you have to attach it with hairpins for example? That is what I would like to know best.
Why fez? Because it really suits the shape of my face, as you can probably see in my profile picture. I do not need to use pins, etc; just a spot of double-sided sticky tape if I am going driving in a convertible car.
Secondly. Where do you stand on the topic of poutine?
I like your use of the word 'topic' there. The thing is about the word 'topic' is that it suggests that some kind of debate/lively discussion will ensue around the 'topic' in question, whereas where poutine is concerned, no such thing happens. 9/10 conversations about Poutine probably go something like this:
- What is poutine?
- It is fries, fresh squeaky cheese curds that melt a bit, and hot gravy.
- Do you like it?
- If I am very, very drunk and it is 3am in a snowstorm.
- Do most people like it?
- Well, in the way I like it (drunk, 3am, snowstorm), or when they are hungover.
- Is it the national dish of Quebec? No. That is Cuisses de Castor au Sirop d'Erable.
That is enough for the time being! If you wish to ask me any questions, you may do so at nonworkingmonkey@mac.com.
Pip pip!
NWM
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8 comments:
Fantastic.
I have been avidly awaiting my reply. Double sided sticky tape would work very well for a fez I think, and not too sticky to cause pain to monkey faces.
As for poutine, I am now able to think of it as the doner kebab of the French Canadians. This is very cheering. Thank you.
Re: meeting the vet. That is almost nauseatingly cute. How can you resist using your non-working time to write a film script about this?
Katyboo1, I am glad to be of service. You are entirely, 100% correct re. your analogy about the doner kebab. I salute you and will also plagiarise you non-stop and without cease.
Dearest Y S Lee, I spend a lot of my non-working time thinking about writing a book, or generally writing, for that is the thing I like best in the world, which is why I write this blog (which is the true answer to any "why do you write it?" questions). But I am scared, despite the kind encouragements of many kind readers, including dear M (who KNOWS WHO SHE IS). Also, the story of the pathologist et moi, if you hear it, sounds like a cross between Green Card and You've Got Mail. Hang on...
How on earth have you avoided seeing a beaver in the Canadia? We saw endless numbers of them in Alaska which is practically Canadia only Northier. I have even been scolded by beavers, multiple times, which involved a very disapproving glare and a firm smack of tail (beaver's) on water (in landscape) which left me feeling chastened but terribly, terribly flattered as well.Suggest you rent a canoe and venture out with the firm intention of not seeing beavers - best to paddle up quiet streams to even quieter ponds or lakes. Drift along and do your very VERY best Wind in the Willows bit (you can arm wrestle over who gets to be Rat and who has to be Mole) and almost certainly the orange-toothed rodent will appear. It's worth it. The animal is very charming, and there is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
Now is there?
NB - I tried, I really did but I had to stop typing beaver as it was making me giggle and want to bring male chickens and birds what make holes in trees into the story and that would have been silly.
I think given your definitions I'll soon be joining the movement..... redundancy day is a looming
Have you seen this? http://bit.ly/9emmDx More love for the beaver.
Megan I am heartbroken - you are tempting me with your tempting beaver tales. The pathologist made me go out in a canoe once. We saw their beaver house thing but no beaver. then we went to a wildlife park where the beavers allegedly come and take carrots FROM YOUR HAND, but they weren't there. Then I walked five bloody miles to see some beavers at the Biodome, but they were asleep. I am fed up with them!
Except I am not because I am very tempted by your poster, Dame Emma. Is it your own work?
Furtheron - hello and welcome. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Wow! Thank you for answering my questions. The tale (or should that be tail?) of meeting the vet is deffo script-worthy. Am off to read some more older posts.
Thank you for the badge. I shall wear it with pride :-)
Ali xxx
Word verification: brapt - the attention with which a man regards a lady's well-filled bra
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