I am like fat fatty butterpig but in less than one month I am going to be married!! This is not a joke: we are not talking "ohmigod I can't get into a Vera Wang size 4", we are talking, fuck me, I really should have started 7 months ago and even then I'd still have more to go.
Note: I am not having a wedding photographer and all that shit so it is not as if I am worried about looking all sucky-in-cheeks in the misty-lensed photograph of me and the pathologist looking back over our shoulders against a backdrop of stuffed beavers rampant; no, it is about feeling better than I do this evening on the sofa, all burpy and bloaty and tired.
BEAR WITNESS, gentle readers: from this moment on there is:
1. NO drink apart from one one day a week (to be decided by me, i.e, moi);
2. Gym action four times every week;
3. No pointless food in mouth;
4. Less bread;
5. Less sugar;
6. But mainly less booze.
Shitting hell!!!!!
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16 comments:
I don't know for sure, but I think a bride-to-be's pre-wedding diet IS alcohol, not limiting it. But bonne chance with the weight-loss program anyway!
Do not need lovely drink. Do not need lovely drink. Need sleep. Yes. Sleep. Not hurty tummy in night and all the rest of it. Do not need lovely drink. Zzzz. Also do not use "bride to be" expression (although I think you are being ironical)! It makes me feel a bit faint, like when people refer to ladies with babies as "mum", as in, "and how's Mum feeing today?", and "how is baby feeling today?".
Burp.
Oh good luck! Not sure how helpful this is but whenever I diet I pick three of four foods swap to lower fat versions - like white pasta for wholegrain, crisps for seeds etc.
Hope it goes well
Kate xx
You will be beautiful*. I think the last thing you need to worry about is losing weight for the wedding day itself as long as you can cram yourself into the dress, even if Magic Knickers are called for.
I lost weight without stopping drinking every day. Alcohol was what made less food possible. But I agree with 'no pointless food in mouth'.
*That might have been more tactfully put by saying 'you are beautiful', but since I haven't actually met you, I don't really know. However you will be. I'd mention glowing radiance and that sort of nonsense, but then you'd just be sick. Wait, will that help the weight loss?
I've met her and she cocking well IS beautiful already and will look gorgeously radiant whether she restricts herself to one drink a day or not.
How about a diet of just alcohol? Works for me.
Heavy weights, interval training and yes - less booze! Worked for me; I've shed a stone in the last couple of months. Good luck!
just get a bigger dress.
by the way, i absolutely agree. your audience DEMANDS a photograph of The Day!
I once heard a theory that the secret to weight loss is to eat less and move around more. Also, though I think The Clash's Should I Stay or Should I Go? is an excellent choice for first dance music, I have found the perfect music for your dance sung by the Peter Gabriel called The Book of Love.
OK we will put up a photograph and we will not cover our faces.
Katy, we had all had over 100 bottles of wine to drink that night YOU KNOW IT but still thank you to you and all of you for your kind words in these difficult times. Also, Spanx take 20lbs off you without even moving, as does having a navy blue floor length dress that is made to fit you even if the dressmaker cuts the arm off in the middle of the shop and starts drawing on you with chalk.
ICY MT YOU DO NOT DARE QUOTE ME BACK AT MYSELF OTHERWISE I WILL TWEAK YOUR NOSE.
Also you are right and it works but to be really good at it you have to be literally non-working. Now I am going to have a look at your song and I know you are going to be in even more trouble than you are now after I have seen it.
The Book Of Love is a fabulous song but (the otherwise estimable) Mr Gabriel does it no favours. I shall send you the original version by The Magnetic Fields. It is better.
Dear Monkey, I apologize, please do not tweak my nose.
Dave, you really think so? My teenage boys prefer the PG version. They both play violin so that may have something to do with it.
Icy Mt. - Yes, very much so. I find it funny (in a deadpan kind of way) when Stephin Merritt sings it and not funny when PG does. And I like funny.
'Course, on the clip you linked to, Richard Gere's emoting before the song starts puts me off a bit too.
Hey, coincidence! Well as you know I am NOT getting married. But I have joined the gym and been swimming nearly every day and SAYING I'm going to drink less & I think I am eating less. You are more serious about it clearly but I have made a mini-decision.
Re your wedding, you will indeed be a completely fabulous person and "bride" and will look gorgeous.
Yay!!
PS - In my considerable experience it is alcohol that's the killer. YES it's low-fat but it is also empty calories & therefore pointless, and metabolises as sugar - but you knew that, didn't you...
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