It is unlike me to shout, aware, as I am, that it is tiresome and immature and what you do when you don't write well enough to be able to make your point without recourse to random punctuation, but really! It is too much!
So far, I/we have managed:
1. To order a dress, for which I was measured yesterday. It is navy blue, not white, because I am not a virgin, and I am fat and nearly 40;
2. To book "venooo", find person to officiate (father-in-law, ex-diplomat, takes everything seriously, has beard);
3. To find out what is supposed to be said in a ceremony in Quebec (where you are not, by law, allowed to take your husband's name), which is all well and good but no use until the FUCKING PAPERWORK TURNS UP IN FRANCE which is where my father-in-law is;
4. Look at menooooos on "venoooo" list and choose things, hoping for a 'tasting' with a warty obsequious Frenchman at the end of the month;
5. Shout "let's have THIS FUCKING WINE" every time we drink wine, but make no actual choice;
6. Have theories about dance-offs, competitions, quizzes, etc on the night, but fail to do anything about it;
7. Talk endlessly about how I am going to make my own wedding cake(s), but in fact ask the "venoooo" about profiteroles;
8. Encourage the pathologist to find an outfit, which he has (he is having a suit!!);
9. Fret needlessly about music, etc, as this is the DOMAIN OF THE PATHOLOGIST and my brother, friend Louis, friend Christopher and indeed the pathologist himself (all ex-"disk jockeys" and thankfully not "cock jockeys", unless there is something they are all not telling me);
10. Send out invitations.
And this, my friends, is where there is nothing but delight. I won't show you the whole thing for fear you all turn up waving banners and shouting, but Dave Shelton, who many of you will know as the illustrator of the monkeys on this blog and (more importantly) author of Good Dog, Bad Dog, gave us a really wonderful wedding present. It is a picture of me, fez in place, hydrangea in hand, trotting off to marry the pathologist (who is depicted, as you will see), as a beaver.
How Dave Shelton managed to get a monkey and a beaver looking like they love each other and enjoy watching television and eating cake together I do not know, but he did. And even when I am fretting about stupid things like whether or not to do FUCKING WEDDING FAVOURS (no, is the answer), I look at this and everything is OK.
It is reproduced in smallish on the top of our invitation, and everyone loves it. But most of all, we love it. So, in a rare moment of genuine truthful emotion-type stuff: thanks, Dave.
14 comments:
You can't see me, but I am giving this entry a standing ovation. Encouragement to you and bravo to Dave. You will make it through and it will be brilliant! It can't help but be!
I am also giving standing ovations, partly because you are doing very well and this is a lovely post and your friend dave is clearly a very lovely and talented person ... but mainly to distract myself from wondering about why the monkey and the beaver have no genitalia.
I choose to believe it is because the monkey and the beaver are actually wearing form-fitting monkey and beaver suits on top of their monkey and beaver nakedness, thus concealing their real monkey bits and beaverness with fake animal costumes.
Well it's either that or Mr Beaver has a ginormous backwards log-on, but I'm not sure that's a polite thing to think about such a very romantic picture.
Or, for that matter, anatomically feasible.
sorry.
and, um, yay!
That, I believe, is quite the most brilliant thing I've seen all week. Awesome.
The monkey and the beaver are so sweet! Is the French Canadian pathologist with whom you live pleased to be portrayed as such an adorable "castor"?
That's the best wedding invitation ever! I'm not well versed on etiquette but I don't think it's considered the done thing to put genitals on wedding invitations...
Are you in real life taller than the pathologist?
Also, the best things I know about happening at a wedding are 1) a fish and chip van turning up at about 10pm with free fish and chips for everyone and 2) a tea urn turning up at approx 1am with tea for everyone. Both were aces.
A sitting-down ovation from me, but only because I can't be arsed to get up, not because it isn't a fabulous post and Dave's picture is delightful indeed - and sorry, dearest, the happiness shines through the whole thing, whether you mean it to or not.
Truly brilliant. Also, how on earth did he manage to make the Monkey and Pathological Beaver look loving but not irritatingly soppy? That is truly a gift right there.
Fab invitation - nothing else is needed to make the whole thing go with a bang! Here are my tips for making the decision making process easier:
Pick the wine with the prettiest label.
Colour coordinate the food - ie - everything must be green or red
Play only music by bands beginning with the letters in your name
Does that help?
That is the best invitation I have ever seen! Now,just use them as an announcement and elope, it is so much easier! Then have a BAP to celebrate ( big assed party)
absolutely wonderful! that is the finest wedding invite i've ever seen. including my own very boring one.
there are NO genitals on the invite.
YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN??!!!
I need to speak to the pathologist about this, and how many others??!!!
you really are NOT ALLOWED to take your husband's name?
how ridiculous!
he will have to become M. le singe qui ne travail pas, then. there's nothing else for it!
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