Sunday, August 02, 2009

I publish a second review from the pathologist

Regular readers will be aware that I am attempting to cook my way through a box of 1967 (rev. 1973) Marguerite Patten recipe cards (translated into Canadian French). So far, we are two recipes down, one of which has been reviewed by my consort (although equal in status), the French-Canadian veterinary research histopathologist.

Today, therefore - and following on from his review last night of Boeuf Braisé, I give you: the French-Canadian veterinary histopathologist's review of Marguerite Patten's ...

Délice aux Mandarines

When faced with Life’s troubling mysteries, Man (and his Lady) can choose different paths to follow. Most shrug their shoulders and go down to the pub* for a pint*. Others look for guidance to some imaginary Being in the Sky and whatnot. Some take refuge in drugs, sex addiction, Facebook, or worse (reading the Daily Mail). But some choose to face these mysteries head on: the few, the proud, the Scientists.

A scientist will not be afraid to ask questions, important probing questions, like Why? Why do people put mandarines in a can? Why do other people eat these? Why would anyone think that baking rice, egg yolks and citrus is a good thing? This travesty of a pudding* could in itself constitute an entire field of scientific inquiry. But to undertake this research would require very brave souls, ones unafraid of repeatedly mouthing said pudding, and of slowly blending with their tongues the bizarre mix of textures (all within the ‘moist and gooey’ spectrum) contained therein. Souls braver than I, that’s for sure.

This said, we did eat half of the damn thing in about 30 seconds.

Grade: C-
Recommended for: Weirdos, or very old ladies with no teeth

(*note the cunning use of british colloquialisms here, so that readers from Old Europe will not get confused).


Unknown said...

I think I might tend to agree with the Pathologist on this one without even trying said oranges. I find that these oranges in a can are only good straight out of the freezer with a spoon.


I should like to point out that English is his SECOND language. Yes. That's SECOND language. As to the oranges out of the freezer with a spoon ... very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Lucy said...

I'm enjoying reading about all this! The dessert does sound a bit horrific though. Can't believe that English is his second language!

Megan said...

Oh dear oh dear.


What happened to the vile green cherries? Are they in there? Did they provide needed color and... whatever else green maraschino cherries add? OR could one blame the moist and gooey and generally bizarre [see how carefully I read the review?] nature of the pudding on the lack of angelica in which case the review, while an undoubted achievement in culinary criticism, was baseless really due to incomplete or erroneous information.*

*Could be I'm influenced by my mother's habit of blithely substituting one ingredient for another without due care and attention. Such as tinned beets for water chestnuts. Yes, really.

Z said...

I expect you know james Lileks' Gallery of Regrettable Food? If not, I recommend it. I don't think MP comes anywhere near for true gastronomic horror - not that he gives the recipes, the pictures are quite enough.

Beleaguered Squirrel said...

Never mind your non-working monkeys, who have after all been writing on this blog for quite some time and must surely be tired by now... we want more pathologists! Hooray for the pathologist! (he's pretty good, i'n'e? I think you should marry him).

Anonymous said...

that is a pudding that would go down well in Portugal, where I have had the misfortune to be fed "pudim flan" (creme caramel) with apple purée mixed in pre-cooking, making the most disgusting curdled horror you could ever imagine, but enjoyed by some round the table, also peach mousse, which is cream, condensed milk and liquidized tinned peaches, which wouldn't be so awful if "liquidized" meant "liquidized" and not "tiny little bits of peach" making for the nastiest texture you can imagine. try liquidizing a tin of peaches and you'll see what i mean.


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