When one's parents are visiting from a land far away (of which more later; I am too weak to write much of it now confused, as I still am, by my father bellowing "look at that man! He is driving that lawnmower with his cock!" from the backseat of our Subaru only yesterday morning), it is as well to 'check up on' things before making any bookings; the margin for error is small, and my parents' (special) needs many.
I have of course used the internets for my researches, as I often do, and it has reminded me of the worst of all types: the amateur restaurant critic. I will share with you, unedited, the comments made by Mr CockBiscuit (not his real name!!) on 22 May about the restaurant booked for our tea tomorrow night.
"But when the aromas of dishes brought to neighboring tables waft past, you sit up a bit straighter and look a bit closer to the menu. By the way, the most delicate of animal tissue - fois gras, from small local farms - is available with every entre if you choose. My choice this evening was sweatbreads with chanteurelles in the lightest of cream based sun-dried tomato sauces. I ate as slowly as I could! ...
...We were not planning to have dessert, but their chocolate offering went by, and we had to call one in. With the lightest of light ice cream made from goat's milk, we found the divine end to a divine meal.
In our opinion, Toast! is Quebec City`s tip of the glass to fine gastronomie!"
In my opinion you, sir, are a preening cockmonkey!
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9 comments:
Sweatbreads? SWEATBREADS?
Oh, those French and their fancy cuisine!
Perhaps Mr. Cockbiscuit is the gentleman monkey father spied mowing his lawn?
Those sweatbreads sound good. When I come to Canada I expect to be festooned with sweatbreads.
"the most delicate of animal tissue". Good god, forget graphic videos of geese being forced-fed 18 times their weight in grain every minute, he's put me off for life with just 6 simple words. Mind, I'm not sure i've ever had fois gras, and i'm not sure it's possible when there are all these creamy glands and what seems to be some mid-op transsexual singing wild mushrooms. Where can I find more of this man's stuff?
And you will, naturally, be posting your own amateur restaurant critique after you have experienced the sweating divine goat tissues for yourself, yes?
Ah, yes, I always dunk my chips in the lightest of cream based sun-dried tomato sauces.
How exactly does one drive a lawnmower with one's cock? Photos, Monkey, we need photos!
Do you know, I thought that said, "the most delicate of animal tissue - fois gras, from small local FORMS"...
So glad the monkey parents are with you. Excellent to share these experiences.
Monkey, I'm never happy until I get to the phrase "my companion had the medallions"
Louis x
Best restaurant I've been to in years and mercifully devoid of twats with notebooks eating moist animal tissues.
Fact!!
Oh, thank you, thank you, for reviewing amateur food critics! This service was long overdue, but so well-deserved!
I've just read a priceless one by a man who "knows how food should be cooked". He brought his family to a four-star seafood restaurant, and waited far too long for their food to arrive. What complex dishes had they ordered?
Four sandwiches.
The best I've read was this one:
"I went here not knowing what to expect but was pleasantly surprised. The food was very tasty and different to anything I had previously tasted. For starters I had Badrijani (Stuffed Aborigine) ... "
Now there's a customer who knows her aubergines : D
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