Day 456: I Am Lost For Words In Washington (DC)

It is a very pleasant afternoon, and I am walking down Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington (DC) looking at people looking at the White House, when something buzzes past me. It is a man on a thing with two wheels. He looks a bit unstable (in the mental sense; he is very confident on his two-wheeler), but not like a killer. I ignore him, as does everyone else, and keep walking.

Then more people go past on two wheeler things. At first it is a trickle, but after a few minutes they are positively swarming down Pennsylvania Avenue, looking very serious and full of intent, like they are going to do something significant involving the President of the United States of America and a hoe. It is quite scary, as the wheels on the two-wheeler things are quite big, and that makes each person about eight feet tall.



They stop outside the White House gates. The tourists stop looking for the stupid President and look at the people on the two-wheeled things, who are organising themselves in rows. It is not looking good. I hide behind some silent Japanese people. (Not the Spanish people. They are all shouting, which would draw attention to us/me if we were attacked.)

By now they are in a 'serried rank', staring with intent at the White House. Their Leader is talking, but I cannot hear what he is saying, although his voice sounds a bit like Stephen Hawkins'.



It is then I realise that the police (there are five policemen and/or women for each person in Washington DC, and that is not counting the spies, who are everywhere) are not doing anything! They are not even pretending to look insouciant whilst secretly signalling to their secret police friends to come and save us all. In fact, they are lolling on their patrol cars watching the young American people play hockey on rollerblades in the middle of the road, while they sip from cop-sized gallon-buckets of latte skim cappucino macchyoh-toh with peach syrup.

I leave, and start walking down the road to where the other monuments are in Washington (DC). (There are quite a lot.) But then a voice comes at me from behind.

The voice is odd, like a ladyversion of Stephen Hawkins', if he came from somewhere like Alabama. It says one thing and one thing only. It is a bit ominous. "Take care, ma'am, there are sixteen of us on the sidewalk right behind you". They glide past.



I follow them because I am going in the same direction as them anyway. I cannot understand why no-one else is really looking at them or laughing. (I am doing both at the same time, whilst also taking photographs.) I turn the corner, and then I understand.

The Leader is talking to them. "No, that is not where Colin Powell lives, that is The Treasury Department." I look at the two-wheeled things a bit more carefully. There is a word written on them. The word is "Segway®". It is then I realise that what I have been seeing is not an alien attack: it is a very special type of sightseeing tour.