Monday, October 22, 2007

Day 458: I Am Definitely English

I am not sure what happens, but every time I come to America I turn into a sort of faux-Mitford. I have said the following things in the last forty-eight hours, each without a trace of irony:

1. "Thanks so much. You are kind." (To doorman.)

2. "Gosh, I say! How exciting." (To person bringing me dinner.)

3. "Thanks awfully". (To person selling newspaper.)

4. "Heavens! What fun!" (To person telling me where the sugar is.)

5. "Now, darling, you must forgive me, so stupid, but what are grits, exactly?" (To waiter.)

In other news, there are 385 branches of Starbucks in Washington (DC), each one selling horsepiss disguised as coffee.

On a more positive note, however, here is a photograh of my new best friend. He lives in Georgetown, and is called Foxy. We talk to each other a lot, and then I come back to the hotel, eat $25 sandwiches and drink gin from the minibar. It's heavenly.




(In other news: Is this disturbing? I am not sure!)

17 comments:

laurie said...

that's one happy ocelot, i believe.

is that a grenade in its mouth at the end???

Camera Obscura said...

Yes, that's disturbing.

bluefluff said...

It's truly horrid. The cat stuff, I mean. The ultra-brit English is quite innocent & reassuring.

Anonymous said...

i don't think you're considered officially & "definitely" english unless you periodically and resignedly mention the sorry state of the colonies without the queen's regal intervention.

Katy Newton said...

Ha! I do that when I'm in the US too. I just feel that I'm letting them down horribly if I don't sound like a supporting character in a Merchant Ivory film.

Katy Newton said...

PS Ocelot, bathtub, naked man, dead chicken. What's not to like?

Anonymous said...

An ocelot? Oh! Is that really what an ocelot looks like?

Apparently there is a special breed of cat wot likes to swim. I thought maybe it was one of them.

Reminds me Anna's funniness from the Big Brother final. One of the finalists was asked, "What would you spend the money on?"

"Ocelot," he said.

Only he didn't. He said "Us lot." Hmmm, I didn't tell it right. It was much funnier the way Anna told it!

The Divine Miss M said...

Your new friend looks like such a crack, I'd love to hang out with him too ;)

I'm not even British but when I go to America I lapse into the exact same thing, sometimes I think it is an attempt to appear more superior but then I realise that I'd never be a snob like that! :(

Anonymous said...

S'okay, we all assume you lot were cryogenicly frozen sometime around 1932 and only thaw out now and then to wander around our national monuments and make fun of our "beer." I believe if you go to the national zoo you can see an ocelot but it's probably the wrong season for scary nekkid men. At least I hope so.

Miss Tickle said...

It is awfully disturbing. I do not like the naked lady. Or the hand grenade. But I do quite like the other cat's face when it is being licked by the monstrous tiger.

Being English is terribly charming doncha know.

(Pictures of dead chickens are not.)

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

I agree with you all, apart from Kermit who should know that any English person who bemoans the demise of the Empire should be shot forthwith.

I was liking the bath shot a lot. Can't remember if it was the cat (Ocelot) AND fish AND modest sexylady, but I would like to think it was. Without checking.

Ms Baroque said...

Dear NWM, yes it is. Deeply. To use an old English expression, "there's nowt so queer as folk."

As to the other expressions you find youerself, using, I do fear that even I do a bit of that when Stateside. It's a reflex of some kind.

Anonymous said...

The black cat should be very afraid.

Also, may I please remind you, monkeychild, that you are British. There is some Scots blood in your veins and, sadly, a bit of Welsh too.

I thank you.

Anonymous said...

It is very, very disturbing. She has a creature with sharp claws and teeth near her vulnerables. Not a good idea. If it can do that to a chicken, imagine.....

Anonymous said...

Did you shriek? I SHRIEKED.

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

Screamed, darling, couldn't bear it, you would have ADORED, darling, ADORED.

Badger said...

Deeply deeply wrong...and WTF are grits??

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