Day 432: I Invent And Play A New Game

I have invented a new game. It is called “Who’s The Cunt Now?”, and you play it with traffic wardens. The rules are terribly simple; as far as I’m aware, if you need a residents’ parking permit, you qualify to play. I’m addicted!

How To Play

Take your residents’ parking permit. Do not put it in the windscreen; instead, display it prominently on the dashboard.

When the residents’ parking restrictions are in place, sit at a window where you can see your car (and traffic wardens). In my case, I sit at my desk (which is placed in the window so I can alternate sending electronic mail to my imaginary friends with staring at the street), between 10am and midday.

What will happen is this.

Traffic wardens will drive past your car and look for your permit. They will not see it in the window, so they will stop suddenly and park their traffic warden car.

One of them will sit in the driver’s seat whilst the other one gets out, re-adjusts their cap, and marches towards your car with their camera and little ticket machine.

Just as they get near your car and begin to raise their camera, open the window and shout “IT’S ON THE DASHBOARD”.

If you are really lucky, the one with the camera and little ticket machine will look at the permit, look at you, shake their head, look really fucked off, march back to their car, get in it and drive off.

You can ‘pep it up’ a bit by laughing, a lot, out of the window and shouting: “If you need a pound* that badly, I’ll give it to you”. You get an extra point if one gives you the evil eye as they drive off; if you get the evil eye from both of them, you get two points.



* As far as I am aware, this is the commission a (Lambeth) traffic warden gets for every ticket they give out.