I am on the aeroplane to Glasgow. I am feeling sick, and dreaming of fresh laundry and clothes that are hanging up and not in a suitcase. I go into a trance as I think about ironing, and wonder if you can buy lavender ironing water in Canada.
But I am interrupted. A man behind me is doing the crossword in Puzzle Twat Weekly. He is using the help and mind of his ladywife.
Man: What's this one, love? 'Funeral poem, five letters.' 'E' something...
Wife: Effigy?
Man: Yes. E.F.I.G.Y.
Silence falls. He scratches out the five letters with the pencil he is clutching in his tiny stubby fist. Without looking, I know his tongue is sticking out a bit.
Man: There we are.
Wife: Well done, love.
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12 comments:
Ooh, I'm going on a plane tomorrow morning!
[tangentially excited]
Jesus Monkey, can you not, y'know, just sit still for a second...
That is very sweet, if stupid (they, not in any way you).
I shall wave at every aeroplane that might be returning from Glasgow, in case you are on it. I'm rather sad, to think you are saying all your goodbyes, but how fine of you to do it in person.
lavender ironing water? well they have water and they have lavender, and as far as i know there's no law against putting lavender in water and putting that lavender water in your iron.
they also have salad spinners, if that's next on your list of things to worry about. i don't know why you'd want your salad spinned. i highly doubt dizzy salad tastes any different than unspinned salad.
Jonathan. I would like to.
Z. It is not a big thing. I am not saying goodbye, just visiting old friends. Goodbye is part of it. It is not all definite yet, but it is very likely. But we shall see.
Kermit. What the cock are you talking about?
Sweet Irene, you are indeed sweet. Thank you. It is sleep I miss, and having somewhere to hang my clothes. And of course the pathologist, the lack of whom I feel.
so you haven't heard of salad spinners? oh, my you are behind the times. all the colonists will laugh at you, so i feel obliged to fill you in.
a salad spinner is a bowl-shaped contraption, like a colander, in which you put salad (and salad-like things) after you've washed it.
the bowl-shaped contraption also has a lid with a handle that moves in a circular motion when you turn it.
after you've deposited the salad in the bowl, you put the lid on the bowl and then turn the handle repeatedly. this supposed to toss your salad about in the bowl and allow the water to drain out, thus leaving you with a clean and dry salad.
Of course we have lavender water. Sheesh. We also have verbena and rose.
I have no clue what Kermit is talking about, but frankly he should be ashamed to use that kind of language in a family-oriented blog.
I think Kermit is an 'academic'.
Asta. I am very excited. So excited.
J-Boy: thank you for maintaining the moral ... yes. Can't remember the word. Oh dear.
lavender water and salad spinners are both equally useless and silly items, and that's why i brought up the salad spinner.
i am a salad spinner instruction manual writer, not an academic. sorry to disappoint.
now hold on there, missy. my tongue sticks out just a little bit when i do tricky things, like writing, typing or frying eggs. nothing wrong with that per se ... is there?
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