The day of my leaving approaches! Despite a dark hour or two earlier this afternoon in which the possibility of extending my employment for another month seemed possible, a last-minute reprieve means that I am definitely leaving the Amsterdam on Friday. Blinded by sentimentality, I composed the following email to my esteemed colleagues earlier today and sent it to all of them - even the ones I think are spastics!
I have not yet had one single reply to it, but I am sure they all really enjoyed it. I hope you do too!
Dear Friends,
I am leaving on Thursday. This is my email address, should you wish to keep in touch.
I am offering free accommodation for anyone who wants to visit. I will be living in a house that is 45 minutes' drive from central Montreal, on top of a hill, surrounded by apple trees, empty-eyed apple farmers, their silent wives, and a number of giant fruits (see attached photograph).
The nearest shop is an hour's walk away. I will not have a car until January. During the day, my 'boyfriend' will be at work; I will be at home making jam and staring in mute horror at Facebook.
I will need as many visitors as I can get. To tempt you, let me tell you that within a three-mile radius of my new home you will find an ostrich zoo, a children's' 'visitor experience' called "Reptile Land" and a garden centre that is 50 acres big and sells fully-grown trees.
In the summer, there is a wood full of ginseng, a meadow full of mosquitos, hills full of coyotes and bears, and a swimming pool the shape of a distorted kidney; in the winter (approx 6 months long), we have snow. On the left is a neighbour who grows specialist canaries who live in the cellar (there are over one thousand of them!); further down is a man who grows specialist vegetables and gardens naked.
I shall look forward to welcoming you all to Canadia!
God bless you all. And thanks for the mammaries.
NWM
2 comments:
Yes, stop fucking about NWM, and go and live the dream. I/we shall miss you, though I doubt very much the current version will all there is to be had, and I am certainly looking forward to further adventures of the the Non Working kind, an inspiration to us all. Who needs work after all? I was first drawn to your blog via the dating adventures - inspiration! But please, goodbyes should not be drawn out. Though I am tempted to offer for some of the artifacts not listed. Photos of delicious cups of coffee with an appropriate slice on the side. I am going to have difficulty looking one in the face for a bit now. Damn.
I'm so confused. C'mon and get with the "non-working" part of the title. Don't you want to join the silent Stepford chicks in your new community. A job? Nope!
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