For some hours we are involved in a discussion about how big a giant mosquito would have to be if it were to suck all the blood out of a man in under five seconds, pausing only to squabble about how big the mosquito's prong would be. I say it would have to be the size of an exterior gutter pipe; the pathologist suggests garden hose. As we teeter at the edge of a gigantic scientific breakthrough (the pathologist, whose area of study is the mainly to do with stents, points out that the main artery in a person is about the same width as a piece of garden hose, and nearly wins), a sudden wild howling is heard. "Hear THAT?", laughs the pathologist, tossing his mane of curly scientific hair back from his gigantic brain-filled forehead. "Is it WOLVES?", I squeak, wide-eyed, clutching onto the can of Mosquito-Ban in terror. "Is it?".
But no! It is coyotes! There is a spell where I am still scared, for when I think of a coyote I see in my head a hyena. The pathologist points out that coyotes are in fact smallish yellow dogs (I have looked them up; they look like foxes who have had a bad dye job). It is still quite scary though. Then we see fireflies (I have never seen a firefly before; they are quite the most beautiful thing), and a bat. And then I think of the other bits of wildlife I have seen that day, and slip into a coma-like reverie, pausing only to squirt the pathologist's head with Mosquito-Ban and shout "the mosquito would have to be size of an average sized man, i.e. one hundred and eighty pounds!"Earlier that day, we had been skipping through some attractive Canadian lakeside forests, eating cherries and slapping each other. ("Mosquito!" (Slap.) "OW.") Suddenly the pathologist stops. "LOOK AT THAT", he says in a stage whisper, not unlike a French Canadian David Attenborough commenting on muskrats squatting in beaver lodges in the winter. "What is it?", I yelp. For it is quite the sweetest thing I have ever seen. "A chipmunk!", states the scientist dramatically, adding with a sigh, "they are sweet until they get at your vegetables."
If you have never seen a chipmunk, here is what they look like. I took this photograph with my own hands yesterday. (It was quite tame I think, and likes eating flowers.)
As the afternoon progressed ("Mosquito!" "Where?" "THERE" (Slap.) "OW."), we saw many other wonders. In the sky I saw a vulture, which I could not believe. Also, I saw some naked people on the beach trying to sail; they had, quite obviously, found a legitimate excuse for their nakedness, although what it was I cannot imagine:
Some time after, stained with cherry juice and mosquito blood, we drove home. But what was this, standing proudly by the roadside? Yes! A remarkably still horse and bull, standing stock still by the roadside, staring down the traffic!
Whatever next? Giant fruit?
9 comments:
How are the supplies of absinthe and Hula Hoops?
Is that HUGE shopping basket for real or have I slipped through the looking glass?
In amazement,
No the huge shopping basket is for real! There is an obsession here with gigantic things by the side of the road. It is all that space you see. It is quite outside my realm of understanding, quite how much space there is; I did say that the thought of a farmer putting a giant apple/basket of fruit by the side of the road in England would be ENTIRELY unthinkable, partly because people would be huffing past going "you could house a family of 10 in that".
Maybe it's a Northern thing? In Alaska we had a gigantic knife (useful as a roadmark - look, we're nearly there! It's the giant knife!). Or maybe they start with the mosquito and keep everything in scale with that. We had those too, and I have personally seen a river guide with what I thought was a horribly hairy back but... well, I offered him a squirt of my bug-be-gone once I stopped shuddering.
I so want a chim... chip... chipmunk.
Oh, and the first time I heard coyotes was like my third night in Southern California. The moon was desert red and they were coyotes howling and that was soooo movie-like.
o wild life!!!!...2day i saw some ospreys, 4 bald eagles,a blue heron and a crane, a river otter, a mother deer with 2 fawns, wild turkeys, and a black bear..
d34dpuppy > Today I saw a spider, a few rabbits, my neighbor's cat and a handful of blackbirds.
Isn't that some wild life now?
And to think the only wildlife I saw today were a couple of sleepy bums in Hyde park.
Yet again I swoon with joy over your comments. I have nothing to add - except Lilly, come and visit and I shall show you a HUMMINGBIRD. (True Fact.)
how can that be a chipmunk? they wear small waistcoats. you must be mistaken
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