Can anyone help? I started this blog on 10th July 2006. Theoretically, therefore, 10th July 2007 should be Day 366. But it looks like it will be Day 364, if today is 8th July and it is Day 362. Have I counted wrong or right? Was last year a day short? Should 10th July 2007 in fact be Day 365, not Day 366? More to the point, does it matter? I am also considering what form my anniversary celebrations should take.
Celebration Option One: Lie Down And Think
Not go to work. Lie still. Remember what it means to be non-working. Match this with current frame of mind (see all posts, last two weeks). Realise what I have known for some months: current state of employment does not allow for state of non-workingness, for the frustrations are many and manifold and, I have now realised with cold horror, are not something I can do anything about.
This single fact leads to one obvious conclusion, but not one I can quite write with my hands yet. (Suffice to say the expression "Fuck that for a game of soldiers; it's not worth it" may come into play at some point.)
Celebration Option Two: Be A Predictable Twat
Write unspeakably irritating post about all the very extraordinary things that have happened since July 10th 2006. Make everyone vomit in their laps/on their laptop with some pseudo-philosophical cockmongery about embracing difficulty and only being afraid of fear itself. Burble about things that don't kill you making you stronger. Puke slightly in own mouth.
Celebration Option Three: Beaver World
Go to Canada to discuss the progression of "Beaver World", a joint enterprise I am setting up with a veterinary pathologist. "Beaver World" includes introducing tourists (and schoolchildren, with some tourist schoolchildren) to the world of beavers. Will include mock beaver-lodges and the 'Dam Experience', in which small children dress up in beaver costumes and build their own dams with polystyrene logs.
The pathologist will be on hand to answer any technical questions; I will be up front (dressed, naturally, as a giant beaver), selling souvenirs (inc. plastic beavers, beaver wallpaper, videos of beavers and a series of limited edition pamphlets about beavers).
Celebration Option Four: Desist
Stop the blog.
Celebration Option Five: Open Up
Answer questions from loyal readers! I think this could be good. I will promise to answer all questions, no holds barred. The worse the better. If they are the kind of question that you would have to preclude with the words "can I ask you a personal question?" in real life, then so much the better.
Celebration Option Six
Is to never, ever, go to this bar again. In the following photographs, you can see the 'venue' in question by day and by night. In the orange picture you will see Dutch people singing songs that mainly include the words "Oh oh oh, Oi Oi Oi!!!", which you will pretend to sing along to whilst drinking beer that costs 2 Euros. (I do not know any of the people in the photograph, thank the sweet Lord.)
Celebration Option Seven
Eat cake like this:
The white stuff is known as slagroom in Dutch. I'm just saying.
Celebration Option Eight
Go to Canada for a bit on Thursday.
I'm hoping you will all say you like the idea of Option Five! If so, send in your questions!
Pip pip
11 comments:
5: Why do people think I am faintly scary? Real people I mean. Not these internet swine. I mean. Really. Why don't they think that I am, for example, FUCKING TERRIFYING?
Christ. I would rather be 'generally liked' than this current lack of emotional commitment.
Twats.
Option five is without doubt the worst idea I have ever seen in the history of blogging, ever ever.
I shall go away and think of a question.
TD: I don't know.
Jonnyb - make it dirty.
If you're going for Option Five, you'll have to make a bit more effort than the above.
Those of us experienced in this field pride ourselves in taking just a little bit more trouble with our answers. Remember, you may be dealing with damaged souls.
Please do not do Option Four.
And I do not see what is stopping you from doing Options One, Three, Six, Seven, and indeed Eight. Throw caution to the wind!
Also, how are the Dutch sexy-shops?
That cake is large and dressed with cream. I think your constant companion, the small beaver, would find it a joyous experience. Perhaps you could combine it with Option Three in some way. The Beaver World Slagroom venture would be bound to appeal to small and greedy people alike, as well as those misled by the name, obviously.
Anything except number 4!
If you go for option 5,chewing gum in the lady garden x 2.How exactly?
I am hesitating over pressing publish as this could be, to utilise the much overused phrase, way too much information.
However you did ask for embarassing (to whom?) questions. so publish it is.
I think I'll now have a rather large glass of something alcoholic.....
Mmmm cake! I love birthdays, me.
Oh I would, normally.
But your mother reads this.
Thank you NWM - for a year of joyous bloggingness. You have touched my non-working core many times, but not in a wrong way you understand.
Long live The cult of NWM.
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