I am in the middle of an aggressive and tiresome fight with a pathologist that involves trying to identify The Most Embarrassing Song In The World. We have been at it for weeks and will continue for months, but in the meantime I have made two discoveries:1. Lionel Richie likes to act at the beginning of his videos;
2. Paul McCartney is embarrassing.
I am already looking forward to many comments about the White Album and Sgt Pepper. I am almost certain that they will include words and expressions like "seminal", "Cilla Black", "Liverpool", "changed the face of music" , "his children had a normal upbringing" and "no-one deserves Heather Mills". I do not necessarily disagree, but the fact remains that McCartney is a bit of a knob. He's not a bad person, I don't think, but he does embarrassing things like set up schools for the performing arts (in and of themselves embarrassing), do "V for victory" signs, write songs about frogs and do duets with Michael Jackson. And he, like Richie, likes to act in the beginning of his videos.
It only remains for me to suggest that you watch these videos. I then guarantee that you will be unable to look me in the eyes with your eyes and tell me that I am wrong. (Even if you do as we do and listen to the songs without watching the videos, you will be on the floor sobbing before the hour is out. It's the lyrics, you see.)
A gentle start, involving amusing facial hair:
I particularly enjoyed Paul and Linda's acting in this. Please look out for Jackson's line "I'll try one!".
I hate this song more than almost anything else in the world, apart from "The Story of the Blues" by The Mighty Wah. But hey - there's good and bad in everyone, kids!
In this ever changing world in which we live in, the characterful bouncy keyboard bit will be making me retch for the rest of eternity.
Regular readers may also be interested to know that the photograph of McCartney used above is from a site that calls on people to "boycott Canada". I am not sure how one boycotts Canada (refuse to listen to Joni Mitchell? Never watch The man with two brains again? Stop making jokes about beavers?), but I for one will not be boycotting Canada. If I did, I would have no-one to watch Lionel Richie videos for.
25 comments:
yes, first we canadians had to contend with Brigitte Bardot's full frontal assault, and now it's the jowly beatle. Will we ever recover, with all those heavyweights against us ?
holy jesus this is bad.... please tell me the owrst song in the world is out of those songs? they have to be the runners up. right?
shudder.... i'd forgotten about that say say say video..
embarrassing is definitely the right word for that strange mcartney man.
Mr. McCartney is my least favorite Beatle (Ringo rules). Cannot boycott or say anything bad about Canada as my dog is named Gordon Lightfoot and we are only about 300 miles from Vancouver.
my god, I just realized he actually says "...in which we live in". How can he stand to continue breathing after that ?
Oh God, I'm actually going to say this in front of you all... I really like the Live and Let Die track..,(gasp) .I've always liked it, it went well with the film, it was the 70's, I was very young, I'm a multi-generational Bond fan... (sigh) I'll get my coat.
I can't even bear to watch them.
There are so many embarrassing songs. One of them was bound to be by McCartney. That thing with Michael Jackson, is it the winner? You know they never even met making that track, MJ was in Japan or somewhere, the produicers were just sending the backing tracks around the world for the two to sing their own vocals onto. Which makes it not even a proper record.
Now Michael Jackson, he's pretty embarrassing...
Oh DURRR. I don't mean one of them was bound to be! I mean so many of them are, the worst one was bound to be. I haven't had my coffee yet.
thanks a lot monkey.
you have opened and teased cruelly at old wounds. every summer we would drive through france whilst my parents played the entire works of wings. I even have paul and linda's autographs (with a heart for a dot in linda's i and smiley face for a full stop)
I couldn't bear to watch the videos and I think you may have forgotten Ebony and Ivory, which lost Poor Little Stevie Wonder his remaining credibility, but I believe you must distinguish between Macca Beatle (quite cool, owing to dilution of effect by other Beatles and some good songs) and Macca Post-Beatle (a disaster, from the start).
1. The Story of the Blues? Worse than Ebony and Ivory? Nooo...
2. Have we gone back in time a week, or have I missed something? I am Confused By Your Day Numbers.
3. Please carry on to Hey Jude.
Paul McCartney has undoubtedly become an unbearable, pompous twat, but in the interests of balance it should be pointed out that the only reason John Lennon isn't an equally unbearable, pompous twat is that he's dead. "Imagine no posessions, I wonder if you can" he sang, sat at his white grand piano in his millionaire's mansion. Twat.
Dearest readers! Sensational comments!
J-Boy - my point EXACTLY.
Monkeymother - I see what you are saying here with your cunning pre- and post-analysis!
Pete - Well, yes. I always liked Harrison best anyway.
Martina - for some reason this has made me laugh very much, despite not knowing who Gordon Lightfoot is. (An excellent name for an animal, despite not knowing who his namesake is!)
Salvatore - problem solved
Minty 0H MY GOD YOU HAVE JUST REMINDED ME.
Ms B - gin?
London Girl - no, WRONG! THAT'S how bad!
... mutter, mutter, have always had a soft spot for "Goodnight Tonight", mumble, cough ... I'll get my coat as well, shall I?
Yes, but what about what I've got here in my pocket? (ie The Story of the Blues - I am not touching myself or anything.)
These videos are so bad that I was unable to watch a single one all the way through. However, none of them, as videos, are quite as bad as "Hello" by Lionel Richie, which features a completely blind girl who nonetheless puts the light on when she walks into a darkened room. And who sculpts a replica of Lionel Richie's head.
As a song, though, Ebony and Ivory is close to my heart for its masterful lyrics and heartfelt message, perhaps best expressed in this stanza:
"Side by side on my piano
Keyboard
- Oh lord* -
Why don't we?"
*priceless moment of sheer lyrical genius
Katy and Martina win. Not that it's a competition. And I do like to think of Salvatore ... no. No. That's wrong.
Gordon Lightfoot = Canadian Railroad Trilogy. I've forgotten everything but the title, but I used to like his songs.
Surely The Frog Chorus is the most embarrasing, by a mile?
Erm, I'm with Tim on Live And Let Die. Loved that film, and the song was the only one I could listen to from start to finish.
Oh, and I tag thee. Or whatever it is you do in these situations.
What about Rene and Renata, splg?, Peters and Lee,
that big Greek geezer whose name escapes me, Cliff Richard, most of the New Romatics, and all of the glam rockers?
What annoys me most about Paul is his bad dye job, I think he and Tony Blair must use the same tint, maybe Cherie is Scouse connection there? (And her frock in Munich the other day was a shocker, old Angela couldn't keep her Chancellor's eyes off it.)
George was the only decent Beatle.
I'll boycott Canada immediately, by never buying tinned salmon again, which should be easy as I last ate it at Auntie Effies in 1984.
Ebony and Ivory is played often at my local supermarket in Sydney. My husband and I like to stop and sing along, I'm Stevie, he's Paul. I am not sure the Orstrylians realise quite how hysterically bad this song is (it does have an awful lot of competition here) as no-one else seems to find it amusing that it's so regularly featured.
nothing to disagree with here at all. you're perfectly correct about the beatle (and the beatles, in fact). and as for lionel richie - well, honest to goodness, where to start.
i used the picture from canada on a post just today (but with a rather inappropriate caption)
Apprentice - that'll be Demis Roussos, kaftan man!
It's true Pual McCartney is a tit, but for me his worse crime is to dye his hair - and so badly; you'd think with all his money someone would make a good job of it?
STING. STING. I'M JUST SAYING: STING. I hate him. I hate cocking wanking Sting. He is a knob. I would like to stick his mandolin in his eye.
Non-working monkey, you may derive as much joy and laughter from this Facebook group as I do:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5272453863&ref=mf
Pictures of Sting Looking Like a Twat.
It's so right.
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