Thursday, February 15, 2007

Day 219: I Am Virtually Bilingual (Yet Again)

Regular readers will be aware that, when encouraged with a stick, I can speak French (unless I am in French Canada). For this I must thank my parents, who forced my brother and me to move to Paris in 1978, whereupon they locked us in a windowless cellar with a tartan carpet, letting us out only to go to a half-French school with French children.

At our half-French schoool we learnt to speak French French, cross our sevens, break the arms of fellow eight-year-olds in the park underneath the Eiffel Tower, eat Space Dust, make pictures from string and sing the songs of Supertramp and Simon and Garfunkel with a French accent. Importantly, also, we were made to do Long Division like this:























(You will note that I have also supplied the English version, which I have never mastered, as reference. Are there different ways of doing it in other countries? I am Fascinated!)

But still, I digress. French aside, my fanatically loyal and adoring readers may not be aware that I am in fact a very talented linguist, FULL STOP. Not just French; oh no! For I have discovered that I am, after an astonishingly short period of only three weeks, an almost completely fluent Dutch speaker.

Take this packet of plasters, for example: I didn't need to look any words up in a dictionary to know that they were flexible, extra long, new, and for my fingers and fingers alone. What's more, I discovered - with barely any effort at all - that there were sixteen plasters in the box.























Astonishing, I am sure you will agree!

Coming soon: I go on holiday to Iceland, order chocolate mousse and get elk on my face.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You SHOULD go to Iceland. I love culture shock blogs. Annie Rhiannon (annierhiannon.blogspot.com) did it, and now she's propositioning Jude Law about wife-swapping parties.

Nichola said...

This is my favourite blog. I love it so much, I regularly lose control of my bowels just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Nieuw !

That is one great word. Can't for the life of me figure out what it means though. Evidently, my linguisticking skills are way below yours.

Anxious said...

Your "1"s are not very French though. A true French 1 would have a huge leading tail on it, probably bigger than the actual 1 bit.

I had no idea they did their long division differently so thank you for that fascinating factoid.

Anonymous said...

Even though you cruelly ignored my Toulouse monkey photo, may I direct you here...
http://liarsandlunatics.blogspot.com/2007/02/today-is-best-day-of-my-life.html

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

Anx, you ain't never seen me after a couple of bevs. Oh yes. You should see 'em flow.

Jaunty - did I? I am so sorry. Will you send it again? DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF THE MINI PG TIPS MONKEY. I have one of the original ones (I got ITV2 so I could get one) and I need a tiny one, but it is not to be as I am in the Amsterdam and they are in the England. It is Genius Marketing.

J-Boy - come on, try a bit harder, you know you can work it out if you really, really try, you little tinker!

Nichola - are you a keen drinker? I thank you for your kind words. Hello and welcome. I also see your taunting email you send with the tiny monkey on it. You Will Break Me.

Morgan - don't laugh! I'm GOING. I swear it! One day I will!

Anonymous said...

But have you mastered that thing you always hear at Schipol. I think it means thank you - Ausdoobleef or something.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAsYwW7pt7o

Will you be eating this sort of chocolate mousse/moose?

And yes, in answer to your email, it is me. Now blushing.

qb said...

OK. I'm stumped. Also very rubbish at all things mathematical. Please teach me the french way?

Anonymous said...

they are the same way, except the French go left and the English go under...

Anonymous said...

People should read this.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

Blog Widget by LinkWithin