I am not That Bothered about children. (I try and crush their hands on planes, for example, and think a lot of them are annoying.) I do not press my face against the windows of Mothercare and measure up all Gentleman Callers as potential fathers, because that would be foolish. If I Fall In Love With Someone Splendid I may change my mind; but I am not considering turkey basting syringes and sperm ordered off of the online.
Luckily, my friends have had children. Not only have they not turned into idiots (although they are very tired almost all the time), but I like their children. There is my god-daughter, who chews a rabbit and is magnificent, and the splendid pair I have just spent the weekend with. (They are very kind to their cats, a tiny kitten and a bigger cat who, despite having fangs, is charm itself.)
Me: Thing about whingeing is, it doesn't usually get you what you want. I know. I still try it almost all the time.
F (looking at his mother): That's what she says.
Me: Well, it must be true then.
F: Do you like Grease?
Me: Are you changing the subject?
F: Yes. I don't want to think about that now.*
Later that day, a lovely laydee turns up at Dear Friend's house. I walk into the kitchen. S, aged 5, is standing with his arms sticking out a bit, slightly rigid and wide-eyed and saying to her: "Have you SEEN (insert my name here)", as if I am the Eighth Wonder. (When you are five, your judgement is not always brilliant.)
As I was leaving today, we were all in the back of a cab.
Me: S, why aren't you looking at me?
S: Because you're LEAVING.
I wish all boys made me feel like that.
* There is of course usually a direct correlation between niceness of child and niceness of parents. Dear Friend and her Husband are particularly splendid, as are the parents of my god-daughter. DF - whilst doing a million other things - bothers to draw 'T-Birds' on the back of her sons' jackets in chalk, for example.
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6 comments:
Seven and five are good ages for children. But the real reason for having them is Forethought. One day, they will slip up and have children of their own. And then you will be a Grandparent, and that is best of all.
Ooh, the wv was bumjakc. I am astonished.
BUMJAKC? You win!
I know you are right. The only time I ever feel funny about it is when I think how splendid my parents are, and what truly fantastic grandparents they would be. Luckily, I have a brother, who is with a lovely laydee. Say no more.
My brothers have all produced children, some of whom I am extremely fond. You are in the right on the correlation, too. One sees it all the time in the grocery store.
My children are marvelous (obviously!) as I am the meanest, scariest Mummy ever! All their friends give me the look that says "Thank GOD she's not my Mum" - my sister's children are almost as nice and most other children are quite revolting I think, with a few minor exceptions. Little Miss M disappears for a week today for a school thing - hope I remember to collect her next Friday...
The trick with children is to always, no matter what they do, display absolute and unconditional pessimism. A daily mantra of "I bet you'll fail at something straightforward today, you irritating loser" means that they never disappoint you.
Your friends kids sound really sweet. I bet you're great with kids cos you've got imagination, and they like being engaged with a real people with opinions.
Trick with all kids is deflection,deflection,deflection.Anticipate their meltdowns and get them on to something else before they can happen. But some days, if you're really knackered, it's just too hard and you just go "Bring it on", not very adult, but then we're only human. Have you ever noticed how people moan about how their parents messed them up, but they never notice if they're doing exactly the same to their own kids?
I wasn't a great tiny, wee babies person, but I loved my son's toddler years, and I've liked him ever since. Last night watching TV and slagging off some daft programme we both made exactly the same remark at exactly the same time. It was a very wicked comment, but we both laughed, more at the fact that we both have such warped minds.
It's good to keep up with good friends though.
BTW did anyone notice we hammered France 1-0?
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