Day 410: I Offer A World Premiere Of The New Cinematographic Smash Hit, "My Parents' Dog With Its Head Stuck In A Packet Of Crisps"

And no, I do not know why he was called a "good boy" either.

Day 410: I Am Preoccupied By Hair Trends

Regular readers will be aware that I have, for some long months, been 'intimately involved' (as they say, the cretins), with a French-Canadian pathologist who cuts his own hair.

"Why do you not pay for professional attentions?", I enquire soothingly, squinting at the cuttings in the bin and the perpendicular wing jutting out over his left ear. "Hair grows", he mutters back, smoothing down his bouffant, "and I do not want to go to the hairdresser every fortnight".

As his argument is based in actual scientific logic, and as no amount of death threats and bubble-nosed weeping will convince him otherwise, I am trying to be 'positive' and 'see the good in the situation' in an attempt to 'compromise'. Is home hair-cutting something we could do together, perhaps? Might there be even more fun to be had from cutting hair at home?

Either way, all this recent chat has meant that my attentions have, of late, been almost entirely focused on hair trends. And what better place to study recent hair advances than Paris, centre of the international fashion-style world?

"But what is the result of all this chat about hairstyling?", I hear you cry. "And what can you, Non-workingmonkey, share with us as a result of your travels?". The answer is simple, my friends: now, this very afternoon, I can share with you the four directional key hair trends for Autumn/Winter 2007. Get crimping!

The Transportable Badger



















Young Hearts Run Free



















Home Knit






















One Size Fits All




















Coming Soon: Back by popular demand: a terrier with its head stuck in a packet of crisps.

Day 409: I Am Returned From My Holiday

Hot news! I am returned. Soon I will be sharing with you the secrets of modern French hairstyling. After that, I will display some 'intimate' photographs of my special friend and me "at it" in the Louvre, and then I will show you some snapshots of a range of pots from the Auvergne.

In addition to and on top of this, I will be displaying a special tattoo and a short film of a dog with its head stuck in a packet of potato crisps, swiftly followed by a harrowing account of how a French Canadian veterinary pathologist of my intimate acquaintance (who was merely trying to help), narrowly escaped being eaten alive, feet first, by a genuine lifesize lion. (If you do not believe me, here is a 'teaser' in the form of some photographic evidence. I was running away from the lion which is why the photograph is not very clear.)

In the meantime, it remains only for me to thank the various contributors to this blog who have, in my absence, considerably improved its overall content. They are listed below, and should be read with a glass of Palo Cortado at the elbow and a giant rabbit on the lap.

The ever-glamourous Katy at Baroque in Hackney
Young Jonathan at The Bedside Crow*
Perky lady Clare, who is Boob Pencil
Dave, who is also Dave Shelton
Katy who is beautiful at Everything Is Electric
Anna who didn't but did in spirit at Little Red Boat
Lucy who is a genius, and also known as Lucy Pepper
Suzie sweet Suzie at Status Anxiety
Favourite of my mother and electro-shock therapists, Tired Dad.

Until next time, I remain

Votre ami dévouée,

NWM

* Read this.

Ms Baroque is in America!

How can you tell? (It's Rein's New York style Jewish Deli, in Vernon, CT. We ate: a pastrami reuben on seeded rye with Swiss cheese; potato pancakes, or latkes; a wonderful thing called a knish, in this case filled with seasoned buckwheat, or kasha - very Old Country); and the best cheesecake in the world.

No diner coffee yet; I had a beer. But I'm working on it.

SPECIAL EDITION: I Interrupt My Holiday In France To Send A Postcard To My Loyal Readers