I wish you all a happy new year

Yes, readers, it is true: in 2010, you too can look like me. Simply press on this link and pray on all that is dear to you that it comes in your size.

Pip pip!

I write my "to do" list for 2010

All around the world, people whose opinion you probably care little for (and Mariella Frostrup) are writing lists about the best and worst of this and that in 2009. When they are not doing that, they are writing their lists of 'must-see', 'must-do', 'must-this', 'must-that' etc for 2010. And when they are not doing that, they are sharing their resolutions with everyone, e.g. "eat more fruit", "watch the news", "read Proust", etc.

I have accepted that I will not read Proust, ever. I have already read Ulysses, In Parenthesis, Clarissa, Moby "Call Me Monkeymael" Dick and the accursed Poems of the Pearl Manuscript (in the original obv), which is quite enough of THAT sort of book for one lifetime and, I think, disqualifies me from having to read anything you 'should' read ever again.

However, my shining monkey eyes are firmly focused on list of things I really must get done next year, some of which I have mentioned already (but bear repeating), and some of which will be entirely new to both you, my loyal and adoring readers, and members of my close family.

"TO DO LIST", 2010

1. Open a pub called "The Cock and Biscuit"
2. Keep fringe* for at least 6 months
3. Re-start the Marguerite Potluck Project
4. Stop leaving used dental floss on the floor next to the sofa
5. Start using Just A Drop
6. Stop reading the Daily Mail online
7. Get everyone in the world to subscribe to the Wire Tap podcast
8. Learn how to use a sewing machine
9. Buy a sewing machine
10. Stop my fucking husband from tackling me to the ground and kicking snow in my face
11-20. Tbc

I am also thinking about posting more recipes for things that I think are really good, but I am not sure whether they are interesting to you, my adored (and very attractive!) readers. Shall we try it for a while and see, for e.g. once a week at a regular time, e.g. Thursday?

Pip pip!!


* Or 'bangs' in North America!!!!

I play Pictionary

Today, for the first time in over 23 years, I played Pictionary.  As will see from a cursory glance at a few of my 'pictionaries' below, I am not particularly good at it - a fact confirmed by my 3 team-mates, none of whom got any of my pictures, not even the dogsleigh helpfully annotated with a "woof". ("It's not a fucking horse, it's going WOOF".)

In order that you may enjoy them more, I will now offer you the word clues in the order in which the pictures are reproduced.

Home Office

Decorating

Dogsleigh

Limp

I have a question

Do not say I do not keep you 'on your toes', dear readers! Tell me - does anyone know if there's a way of grabbing all the content of a blog (e.g. this one) and copying it and pasting it elsewhere (e.g. a word processing application, e.g. Word) without copying and pasting each post individually, even the really bad ones?

In other news, I am constructing my "To Do, 2010" list. So far, I have this:

1. do more bread-making lessons with Mr Homo;
2. keep fringe for 6 months (trims allowed);
3. do not leave dental floss on floor next to sofa;
4. cancel appointment with homeopath who claims lemons are not acidic;
5. re-commence the magnificent Marguerite Patten Potluck Project.

Amazingly, the list is not yet completed because I am still thinking of things to go on it, but if anyone has any suggestions for things they think I should do, do let me know!*

Pip pip!

NWM

*"Stop writing your fuck-awful blog" is not, I am afraid, an option - unless you give me £5,000 in old pence.

I have a little sit down

Turkey sandwiches ahoy, me hearties!!!

Earlier cakes (i.e. my 'fruit cake') were - how shall I put this? -  a visual metaphor for this web-blog, i.e. my readers (you) sitting in a circle listening to a monkey in a fez (me).

This cake, however, is something different: a gigantic festive log, almost 6 ft long, made mainly of mascarpone and Sharffen Berger chocolate (approx. 57kg) upon which I sit, deep in thought.  (You can tell I am lost in thought because I have not noticed the light snow flurry that has passed over.)

But why am I deep in thought? Because I am thinking of all the things I am going to do next year, that is why. Some of them involve a baker called Dominique Homo, and some of them are things I will tell you.

Pip pip!