I will announce the winner tomorrow

Do not think I have forgotten that I am supposed to announce the winner of my fantastic competition today (Sunday 6th). Oh no. I have not forgotten. We will announce the winner tomorrow (Monday 7th). You will see.

In the meantime, go and see Fantastic Mr Fox. It is brilliant. If you can't go out from your house and/or flat and/or box right now and go and see it, ignore the Barf-O-Rama voiceover and watch the trailer instead.

The trailer is 1/1,345,222,232,321th as good as the real film but OK to tide you over before you can get to the cinema/it is released in your country (if it isn't already):



It is brilliant for many reasons, one of them being that Jarvis Cocker sings a song in it.

I start having a go on Christmas

Come on Christmas!! Yes, it is that speshul time of year again:  time for lights, decorations, trees etc; putting out a mince pie for Father Christmas and a carrot for Rudolf; praying and praying that this year there will be a pony and/or puppy at the end of the bed;  pretending you cannot see Monkeymother coming in with the stockings; eating chocolate money at 5am then a tangerine to balance it out; discouraging Monkeymother from inserting the 'business end' of the turkey over Monkeyfather's head; hiding Monkeyfather's Bailey's (3 types) in the shed, etc.

But this year it will be different. Yes. "Christmas 2009" will be tinged with a hint of the strange and a soupçon of the unfamiliar, for this will be first year in forty (40) years that I have not been with Monkeymother and Monkeyfather on Christmas Day. I will instead be in Canada with the French-Canadian veterinary research pathologist to whom I am married by law, a 14lb turkey, a ham, 1.28kg of Bendicks Bittermints* and Canada's version of The Queen having a speech.

It will be magnificent, of that I am convinced, and to make it even better, on Boxing Day some friends are coming from Toronto (words I never thought I would say!). There will be two extra ladies, two extra men, a baby and a gigantic dog the size of a Shetland pony and we will spend 5 days by the fire drinking beer, eating turkey pie and watching "Colin and Justin's Home Heist" on BBC Canada.

But I will not be allowed to forget the simple, gurning faces of Monkeymother and Monkeyfather, for last year they gave me a special and privit Christmas present that I have not, until now, felt able to share with you, dear readers.  But now is the time - for today, yes today, the knitted monkey in a fez (a reproduction of my Victorian ancestor, Private-Income Monkey) has been taken out of his special place on our bedhead, and put up the top of our Canadian christmas tree**.

Here he is, having a climb and a little look around while he waits for the rest of the 'tree decorations' to be added, including a unicorn, over 1.2m gingerbread stars, and a white rubber stress-relieving sheep.






















What a smashing little fella!



* An early present from Monkeymother, no less!
** "Small tree" in Canada = 6ft

I stimulate you further

Come on, adoring readers! I know you are working hard on your submissions for my brilliant competition, and that means you must be tired.

Because you are tired, I must stimulate you, and I will do this with a cat singing about cake. It is not the first time I have put this video on my web-blog, but no matter: it stands the test of time.

I surprise you with a kitty!!!

Whilst you, my adoring readers, are working on your competition entries, I am going to encourage you AND stimulate your creative energies by posting various excellent 'video clips' over the next day or so, i.e. until the competition entry time runs out.

First of all, here is a Surprised Kitty. I do not care if you have seen it one hundred times already. I know you will like seeing it again. Tonight, for example, I have watched it over 231 times.



Keep it up!

I do a competition

Yes it is true. To get us all in the Christmas spirit, as it were, I am offering one lucky reader the chance to win a signed photograph of me AND a box of appropriately festive biscuits (that I will make myself) as a prize for the best short essay (in no more than 150 characters) on the following subject:


"Why I Think Non-workingmonkey Is Great*"

I would suggest that you 'insert your oeuvre' in the comments box but if you wish to submit your submission privately, you may do so by emailing me at the address you will find on your right.

The competition closes this Friday 4th December, and the winner will be announced on Sunday 6th December. The prize(s) will be despatched on Monday 7th December which, according to the mighty Canada Post, means you will have it by Christmas.

What greater bliss is there? None!


* You may insert another (positive) superlative here if you wish.