Day 168: I Wish You All A Happy Christmas

Today I will mostly be making monkey ornaments like this one. You can too if you follow the instructions here.




And now I must go and play with my new balloon modelling kit and eat an entire Lindt Father Christmas before breakfast. This is Not A Joke!

Happy Christmas, my friends!

Day 166: I Am Listening To Genesis Tribute Bands

Downstairs in our very house is the father of a member of Il Divo*. He is very handsome (although quite old), and I cannot look at him. He is watching a DVD of Genesis tribute bands with my father. There is a voting system in place, for tonight we must Choose a Genesis Tribute Band! Will it be Peter Gabriel era, or Phil Collins era? I am strongly of the opinion that all Genesis is awful, but Phil Collins-era Genesis contains fewer thirty minute instrumentals. Otherwise, I have learnt that the best Genesis tribute band is from the Canada, and am eating nuts and looking at the fire.

These are dark days indeed. And yet every time I think about what is happening underneath my very feet (for I have crept up the stairs with a geeentoneeek), I become mildly hysterical. But laugh I cannot, at least until he is Gone, and the Choice Made.

* Italian for 'the Divs', as someone much funnier than me once said.

Day 166: I Go To The Supermarket

We are in the supermarket filling the trolley with dental floss and mushrooms when MM's trolley skids to a sudden halt. "Look over there", she mutters quietly in the slipper aisle, pointing towards the fruit and vegetables. I turn and Lo! It is a Miracle! A snowman made of white plastic kitchen bin liners, unmelting despite the gentle protection of the fronded palm trees and the enthusiastic supermarket lighting.









I think he is the best Christmas present I have ever, ever had!

Day 166: I Attempt To Sabotage My Mother's Shopping List

Ever since I can remember, my favourite game has been to add things to my mother's shopping list when she isn't looking. I invariably add "cock ring" or "gimp mask".

Sadly, she seems to have wised up. I hate it when she's funnier than me.

Day 166: I Suggest Something To Pass The Time Whilst Consuming A Family Sized Tin Of Quality Street

The National Theatre of Brent are one of Britain's finest theatrical companies*. Luckily for you, they were on Radio 4 last night with their seasonally-appropriate production, The Messiah. Even more luckily for you, the BBC will let you listen to it on their web-site if you did not hear it last night because you were watching EastEnders and eating mince pies. (I like the BBC.)

The link won't take you straight there - just look down the index on the left and you'll see it under 'Listen Again' - but do go if you want to hear about Joseph doin' some chisellin'.


* I strongly recommend that you Have A Read of their site. And look at their photographs. Particularly the one of them with Trevor Nunn.