Monday, September 18, 2006

Day 70: I Am Confused By Bendy Buses

If you have been to That London recently, you will be aware of the Evil that is the Bendy Bus. They are the size of the moon and one bus alone will fill up the whole of Oxford Street, rendering it impassable for even a tiny mouse in a tiny mouse car (or even a flea circus on unicycles).

I spend my life rammed between them in tedious traffic on Broadgate. But today I noticed this little sign on the back of one of them and thought about it carefully for a while. If you are behind the bus or have eyes in your head, you will be aware of its immense scale. So who's this sign for? The only explanation I can think of is this:

Transport Planner 1: Right, I think the signage is OK on this one. Is it ready to go, Trevor?
Transport Planner 2: One thing, Graham, one thing. Hold your horses. No need to be hasty.
Transport Planner 1: Yes?
Transport Planner 2: Well, say the spirit incarnation of Evil Knievel is in Broadgate, thinking of doing an 18-bus leap on his motorcycle ...
Transport Planner 1: Go on...
Transport Planner 2: ... well, could get nasty if he thinks it's a little bus.
Transport Planner 1: See what you're saying there. D'ya reckon the Spirit World is metric?
Transport Planner 2: Yes, Graham, I do.
Transport Planner 1: Right. "Warning: This bus is 18 metres long" should do it.
Transport Planner 2: Let's hope so, Trevor! I don't fancy being around if it all goes to shit.
Transport Planner 1: See what you're saying there! Pint?
Transport Planner 2: Well-deserved for good day's work. Mine's a lager top.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Day 69: I Make A Small Suggestion

Read this thing Tired Dad wrote about a mad bloke calling him a cunt. I think you might like it. I know I did.

Day 69: I Like This Shop

This shop in Old Street made me extremely happy today, even though it was closed. It may sell buttons; it may sell buns. I don't know at the moment, but whatever they are Serving-Up is fine by me. I intend to shop there always.


SPECIAL FEATURE: Things I Wish I'd Said, Pt. 4

Eleanor: "Closure" is just an excuse to wear your best dress and try and get back together.

SPECIAL FEATURE: Things I Wish I'd Said, Pt. 3

Liz: Do you know what you are? You are the Prime Minister of talking to people like they're idiots.

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