There is little to say, other than I paid a cheque for $10,000 into my bank account in the UK on 3 January. "It will take a week to clear, madam!", they squeaked. It did not! A week became three weeks; then six; then eight. Finally, it was revealed that the cheque had been lost.
Three months and two unpaid mortgage payments, ten returned direct debits, approximately 20 unreturned phone messages and forty emails later, I write to them or call them* pretty much every day. Nothing ever happens, but still I write. Here is the email I sent them today:
Morning all,
Hope you all had a good and relaxing weekend. I didn't, really, to be frank; sadly (and despite my best efforts, meditation, breathing into a paper bag, etc), I'm getting increasingly irritated by the fact that I'm being ignored. Anyway, here goes with today's email! (Are you enjoying them? They could make quite a collection!)
I left a message for you on Friday Mr Rogers - I take it you didn't get it? I bet you didn't. You didn't call me back, and there's only one reason why someone would ignore a pissed-off customer: because they didn't get the message! (Weird - that's happened twice this week.)
I really hope you haven't written to me at my London address. There wouldn't be any point in that; I live in Canada, as I keep saying. Still, just in case you do want to write to me and apologise, and tell me what you're going to do about lost interest on my offset mortgage, refunded bank charges, paying unpaid Direct Debits, etc, here's my Canadian address:
I've written to customer services via RBS online, just to see if something else will help prompt a response. I'm not quite sure what to do after that, mind you. Any ideas?
Now, I realise that the thought of phoning and talking to me fills you with dread. (It's been frightening you for at least six weeks, it seems - poor you). But you could give it a go: here (again) is my number: 001 450 .... If a French message kicks in, don't be afraid - we speak French in this part of Canada. Just leave a message. It'll be nice to hear from you. In fact, if I don't get it immediately (which I may not: I travel a lot, you see), don't worry: I'll make sure I call you back.
If that seems too difficult and/or scary, you could send me an email. (It would be nice just to know you're getting them - I think it's called "polite acknowledgement" or something?) If you don't want to do that, though, you could write to me at the address above. Oh yeah - the address I've ALREADY given you, asking you to re-direct my statements and correspondence - something else that (heavens!!) seems not to have happened.
Have a great week - fingers crossed this is the week you finally get rid of me by getting back to me, eh?!!! (As we say in Canada.)
Best wishes
NWM
Does anyone know a really effective way of kicking up a truly enormous fuss about things like this? I am - despite writing sarcastic emails (an occupation that always amuses me) - properly at my wit's end, in a kind of 'aching at the back of the throat and stinging eyes' way.
Oh, and if you work for the Royal Bank of Scotland: sort your shit out, would you? (Particularly your branch at 1 Fleet Street.)
* Them: the regional manager, the area manager, the private banking person who was looking after my account, and his boy.
